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I towed the panel away like a redneck removing a tree stump. -- Andy Weir
Anyway, my ribs hurt like hell, my vision is still blurry from acceleration sickness, I'm really hungry, it'll be another 211 days before I'm back on Earth, and, apparently, I smell like a skunk took a shit on some sweat socks. This is the happiest day of my life. -- Andy Weir
I was born too late to experience Apollo 11, though I do trek to Dad's house every time there's some space event. There's something awesome about crossing your fingers and watching a tense Mission Control room do their thing. -- Andy Weir
Conclusion: I don't need the water reclaimer at all. I'll drink as needed and dump my waste outdoors. Yeah, that's right, Mars, I'm gonna piss and shit on you. That's what you get for trying to kill me all the time. -- Andy Weir
Research into manned spaceflight is shifting from low-Earth orbit to destinations much further away, like Mars and the asteroid belt. But society will have to invent many new technologies before it can plausibly send people to those distances. -- Andy Weir
What's next on your reading list? Discover your next great read! Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author. Sign up now. -- Andy Weir
The worst moments in life are heralded by small observations. -- Andy Weir
FUCK!" Annie Montrose said. "You have got to be fucking kidding me! -- Andy Weir
How come Aquaman can control whales? They're mammals! Makes no sense. -- Andy Weir
Okay, enough self-pity. I'm not doomed. Things will just be harder than planned. I have all I need to survive. -- Andy Weir
In other news, It's seven sols till the harvest, and I still haven't prepared. For starters, I need to make a hoe. Also, I need to make an outdoor shed for the potatoes. I can't just pile them up outside. The next major storm would cause The Great Martian Potato Migration. -- Andy Weir
You'd think after almost killing myself twice, I'd be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope. -- Andy Weir
The thing that is really hard about adaptation is that I try to only pick things I love because if it is something where you think, "Oh, that sounds like an interesting idea but I don't love it," then I can't do my job well. -- Andy Weir
Any concerns or reservations?" Venkat asked. "Yeah. I'm concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it." "I'm sure there wasn't an eyeball." "The engineers here made it for me special," Mitch said. "There may have been an eyeball," Venkat said. "They hate you. -- Andy Weir
Really bad ideas, but they're ideas. Today -- Andy Weir
An Essay from Andy Weir: How Science Made Me a Writer I'm a nerd. Okay, a lot of people say that these days. But I really am. I was hired as a computer programmer for a national laboratory at age fifteen. -- Andy Weir
It just feels nice to be an astronaut again. That's all it is. Not a reluctant farmer, not an electrical engineer, not a long-haul trucker. An astronaut. -- Andy Weir
If I could have anything, it would be a radio to ask NASA the safe path down the Ramp. Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called "lovemaking. -- Andy Weir
It's all good to go. No problems that I can see. -- Andy Weir
But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I'll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I'm a botanist! Fear my botany powers! -- Andy Weir
You asked my opinion. Don't like it? Go fuck yourself. -- Andy Weir
I need some encouragement. I need to ask myself, "What would an Apollo astronaut do?" He'd drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool. -- Andy Weir
MINDY TRUDGED to her computer. Today's shift began at 2:10 p.m. Her schedule matched Watney's every day. She slept when he slept. Watney simply slept at night on Mars, while Mindy had to drift forty minutes forward every day, taping aluminum foil to her windows to get any sleep at all. -- Andy Weir
[19:29] JOHANSSEN: When we pick you up, I will make wild, passionate love to you. Prepare your body.
[19:29] JOHANSSEN: I didn't type that! That was Martinez! I stepped away from the console for like 10 seconds! -- Andy Weir
There's no way to be sure," Irene said. "The biggest threat is giving up hope. If he decides there's no chance to survive, he'll stop trying. -- Andy Weir
Sorry for the delay," Vogel said. "I was required to make a bomb. -- Andy Weir
Anyway, much more important: I simply can't abide the replacement of Chrissy with Cindy. Three's Company may never be the same after this fiasco. Time will tell. -- Andy Weir
I'll drop the oxygen mixture to zero and breathe pure nitrogen until I suffocate. It wouldn't feel bad. The lungs don't have the ability to sense lack of oxygen. I'd just get tired, fall asleep, then die. -- Andy Weir
So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It's kind of silly if you think about it. I'm in my space suit on Mars and I'm navigating with sixteenth-century tools. -- Andy Weir
Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. -- Andy Weir
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. Don't wait for an inspired ending to come to mind. Work your way to the ending and see what comes up. -- Andy Weir
It's the same one I used to power the drill that destroyed Pathfinder. I call it my "lucky cable. -- Andy Weir
By my reckoning, I'm about 100 kilometers from Pathfinder. Technically it's called "Carl Sagan Memorial Station." But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I'm the King of Mars. -- Andy Weir
Everything just changed. Watney's headed for Pathfinder. -- Andy Weir
Yeah, I definitely pulled something in my back. I woke up in agony. So I took a break from rover planning. Instead, I spent the day taking drugs and playing with radiation. -- Andy Weir
It just goes to show," Teddy said. "Love of science is universal across all cultures. -- Andy Weir
The data transfer rate just isn't good enough for the size of music files, even in compressed formats. So your request for "Anything, oh God, ANYTHING but Disco" is denied. Enjoy your boogie fever. Also, -- Andy Weir
Godspeed, little taters. -- Andy Weir
Not enough," Annie said. "The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They're gonna meet in the middle! -- Andy Weir
I'm not talking about faith in God, I'm talking about faith in Mark Watney -- Andy Weir
A story in your head isn't a story. It's just a daydream until you actually write it down. So write it down. -- Andy Weir
Something very hot and very explodey had happened, and I wasn't sure what. Or how. -- Andy Weir
I cut each potato into four pieces, making sure each piece had at least two eyes. The eyes are where they sprout from. I let them sit for a few hours to harden a bit, then planted them, well spaced apart, in the corner. Godspeed, little taters. My life depends on you. -- Andy Weir
But seeing his status doesn't help," Mindy said. "It's not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task."
"How long have you worked for the government?" Venkat sighed. -- Andy Weir
Think they're going to forget that?"
"You asked my opinion. Don't like it? Go fuck yourself."
"You're such a delicate flower, Annie. How'd you end up NASA's director of media relations?"
"Beats the fuck out of me," Annie said. -- Andy Weir
Message reads: 'Houston, be advised: Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man. -- Andy Weir
For tonight, I have to get back to Three's Company. I stopped last night in the middle of the episode where Mr. Roper saw something and took it out of context. -- Andy Weir
I admit it's fatally dangerous," Watney said. "But consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man." "We'll keep working on ideas," Lewis said. "Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man. -- Andy Weir
Computer programming is pretty much guaranteed income. I'm good at it, and I like it. -- Andy Weir
After one full second of utter silence, the room exploded with noise. -- Andy Weir
Hurray for standardized valve systems! -- Andy Weir
So what's the point of it all?"
"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"
"Well it's a reasonable question," you persisted. -- Andy Weir
She knew right then no one's mind would change. They were going back to Mars. -- Andy Weir
I ask for a picture, and I get the Fonz -- Andy Weir
Then came the digging. Oh God, the digging. -- Andy Weir
I'm the first person to be alone on an entire planet. -- Andy Weir
I do know that the best way to make a mediocre movie is to just transcribe the book. -- Andy Weir
I don't want to come off as arrogant here, but I'm the best botanist on the planet. -- Andy Weir
Astronauts are inherently insane. And really noble. -- Andy Weir
I am not a brave man ... I do not have the right stuff. Astronauts are really a cut above. -- Andy Weir
Thanks to our modern era, facts are incredibly easy to come by. A few web searches for your subject matter, and you have all the information you could dream of. -- Andy Weir
And where will that "safety" be? Not a damn clue. Anyway, one problem at a time. Right now I'm fixing the EVA suit. AUDIO -- Andy Weir
I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me. -- Andy Weir
WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! - (.Y.). -- Andy Weir
But oxygen's easier to find on Mars than you might think. The atmosphere is 95 percent CO2. And I happen to have a machine whose sole purpose is liberating oxygen from CO2. Yay, oxygenator! -- Andy Weir
Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can't improve on duct tape. -- Andy Weir
Anything, Tim?" "Totally," he replied. "But we're staring at this black screen because it's way more interesting than pictures from Mars." "You're a smart-ass, Tim," Venkat said. "Noted. -- Andy Weir
I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy. -- Andy Weir
Fun fact: This is exactly how the Apollo 1 crew died. Wish me luck! -- Andy Weir
The water reclaimer was designed to purify urine and strain humidity out of the air (you exhale almost as much water as you piss). I've mixed my water with soil, making it mineral water. The minerals built up in the water reclaimer. -- Andy Weir
You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don't judge. -- Andy Weir
Things are finally going my way. In fact, they're going great! I have a chance to live after all! LOG ENTRY: SOL 37 I am fucked, and I'm gonna die! -- Andy Weir
Q. Star Wars or Star Trek? A. Doctor Who. -- Andy Weir
After a search of everyone's personal items (hey, if they wanted privacy, they shouldn't have abandoned me on Mars with their stuff) -- Andy Weir
I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It's kind of silly if you think about it. I'm in my space suit on Mars and I'm navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work. -- Andy Weir
The NSA?"
"Yeah, they called and offered to help out. Same software they use for enhancing spy satellite imagery."
Venkat shrugged. "It's amazing how much red tape gets cut when everyone's rooting for one man to survive. -- Andy Weir
Well, it is a photo taken from orbit," Mindy said. "The NSA enhanced the image with the best software they have." "Wait, what?" Venkat stammered. "The NSA?" "Yeah, they called and offered to help out. -- Andy Weir
everything. Then I kind of lounged around for a while. I wanted -- Andy Weir
It was great! Straight-A student. Hanging around nerdy guys too scared to try anything. No wild side at all. You were every father's dream daughter." "Thanks, Dad, I - " "But then you got on a giant bomb that blasted you to Mars. And I mean that literally. -- Andy Weir
It's true, you know. In space, no one can hear you scream like a little girl. -- Andy Weir
I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this. -- Andy Weir
Mars and my own stupidity keep trying to kill me. -- Andy Weir
It was fucking cold. The rover and trailer regulate their own temperatures just fine, but things weren't hot enough in the bedroom. Story of my life. -- Andy Weir
I'm traveling 90 kilometers per day as usual, but I only get 37 kilometers closer to Schiaparelli because Pythagoras is a dick. -- Andy Weir
I originally wrote 'The Martian' as a free serial novel, posting one chapter at a time to my website. -- Andy Weir
Got my first e-mail from Hermes today. NASA's been limiting direct contact. I guess they're afraid I'll say something like "You abandoned me on Mars, you assholes! -- Andy Weir
Watney snorted in their direction. Then he closed his eyes and felt the sun on his face. It was a nice, boring afternoon. -- Andy Weir
Just so we're clear, Mark Watney is who I want to be. He has all the qualities I like about myself magnified without any of the qualities I dislike. Mark Watney isn't afraid to fly. -- Andy Weir
If you asked every engineer at NASA what the worst scenario for the Hab was, they'd all answer "fire." If you asked them what the result would be, they'd answer "death by fire." But -- Andy Weir
If you look up every last detail on your subject, you'll never finish. -- Andy Weir
I used a sophisticated method to remove sections of plastic (hammer), then carefully removed the solid foam insulation (hammer again). -- Andy Weir
Sure enough, the water heated up. That's not really a surprise, but it's nice to see thermodynamics being well behaved. -- Andy Weir
Just once I'd like something to go as planned, ya know? -- Andy Weir
Here's a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard-landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle. -- Andy Weir
I started the day with a potato. I washed it down with some Martian coffee. That's my name for "hot water with a caffeine pill dissolved in it." I ran out of real coffee months ago. -- Andy Weir
I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for. -- Andy Weir
My first book was so horrible I have deleted all copies of it. Thankfully, it was before the Internet, so there are no lurking caches of it anywhere. -- Andy Weir
Earth is about to set. Resume 08:00 my time tomorrow morning. Tell family I'm fine. Give crew my best. Tell Commander Lewis disco sucks. -- Andy Weir
I got an e-mail from Venkat Kapoor: Mark, some answers to your earlier questions: No, we will not tell our Botany Team to "Go fuck themselves. -- Andy Weir
I was hired as a computer programmer for a national laboratory at age 15. -- Andy Weir
Remember those old math questions you had in algebra class? Where water is entering a container at a certain rate and leaving at a different rate and you need to figure out when it'll be empty? Well, that concept is critical to the "Mark Watney doesn't die" project I'm working on. -- Andy Weir
Also, I'll lose half a liter of water per day to breathing until the humidity in the Hab reaches its maximum and water starts condensing on every surface. Then I'll be licking the walls. Yay. -- Andy Weir
Ayyyyyy!" Annie mocked. "Why would he do that?" "Have you met Mark Watney? -- Andy Weir
Everyone, I understand your positions. We have procedures. Skipping those procedures means risk. Risk means trouble for your department. But now isn't the time to cover our asses. We have to take risks or Mark Watney dies. -- Andy Weir
No, we will not tell our botany team to go fuck themslves. -- Andy Weir
Well, that concept is critical to the "Mark Watney doesn't die" project -- Andy Weir
The planet's famous red colour is from iron oxide coating everything. So it's not just a desert. It's a desert so old it's literally rusting. -- Andy Weir
[08:31] JPL: Good, keep us posted on any mechanical or electronic problems. By the way, the name of the probe we're sending is Iris. Named after the Greek goddess who traveled the heavens with the speed of wind. She's also the goddess of rainbows. [08:47] WATNEY: Gay probe coming to save me. Got it. -- Andy Weir
Remember, you'll be pulling some pretty heavy g's. It's okay to pass out. You're in Martinez's hands." "Tell that asshole no barrel rolls." "Copy that, MAV," Lewis said. -- Andy Weir
I've gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. -- Andy Weir
The reason space missions need artificial gravity is clear: humans simply did not evolve to live in zero gravity. -- Andy Weir
There's more to research than just looking up facts. Eventually, you have to make subjective calls. If you're writing a science fiction novel, there's probably some speculative technology in it. You'll have to decide how to project existing technology forward in a plausible way. -- Andy Weir
Eventually, while researching, you'll learn something you didn't want to know. Some fact that ruins a plotline you had in mind. The good news is that sometimes, learning all the facts can make for a much more interesting story than you originally had in mind. -- Andy Weir
It just didn't occur to me. But it should have. If your lungs grabbed up all the oxygen, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation wouldn't work. I'm such a dumb-ass for not thinking of it! And my dumbassery almost got me killed! I -- Andy Weir
I wonder what NASA would think about me fucking with the RTG like this. They'd probably hide under their desks and cuddle with their slide rules for comfort. -- Andy Weir
My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my brain. -- Andy Weir
I'm a well-honed machine in times of crisis. -- Andy Weir
Also, please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the world. [12:15] WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! - (.Y.) -- Andy Weir
I'll give my dad credit; he never claimed it was to build character or teach me the value of hard work. "Snowblowers are expensive," he used to say. "You're free. -- Andy Weir
I started with a large rigid sample container (or "plastic box" to people who don't work at NASA). -- Andy Weir
LOG ENTRY: SOL 449 Today's the big day. I'm leaving for Schiaparelli. -- Andy Weir
Tomorrow night, I'll sink to an all new low! Lemme rephrase that... Tomorrow night, I'll be at rock bottom! No, that doesn't sound good either... Tomorrow night, I'll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli's favorite hole! Okay, I admit I'm just fucking around now. -- Andy Weir
Acidalia Planitia (where I am) has a relatively low elevation. So does Schiaparelli. But between them it goes up and down by 10 kilometers. There's going to be a lot of dangerous driving. -- Andy Weir
Tomorrow night, I'll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli's favorite hole! -- Andy Weir
I'm so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that's not the point. -- Andy Weir
Since then, I've added my own shit to it as well. The worse it smells, the better things are going. That's the bacteria at work! -- Andy Weir
It occurs to me: Now that I might live, I have to be more careful about logging embarrassing moments. How do I delete log entries? -- Andy Weir
I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But so do you, so don't judge. -- Andy Weir
I'm going to finish off the last of Three's Company tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers. -- Andy Weir
Venkat was silent for a moment. "Jack, I'm going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia." "I prefer Star Wars," he said, turning to leave. "The original trilogy only, of course. -- Andy Weir
Redistribution of this e-book is permitted, so long as it is distributed for free. -- Andy Weir
I started the day with some nothin' tea. Nothin' tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin'. -- Andy Weir
I guess you could call it a "failure", but I prefer the term "learning experience". -- Andy Weir
I'm even going to electrolyze my urine. That'll make for a pleasant smell in the trailer.
If I survive this, I'll tell people I was pissing rocket fuel. -- Andy Weir
An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen. -- Andy Weir
Do you believe in God, Venkat?" Mitch asked.
"Sure, lots of 'em," Venkat said. "I'm Hindu. -- Andy Weir
As I groggily came to, I wondered why i wasn't more dead. -- Andy Weir
Come on! I thought you liked Mexican! -- Andy Weir
I'm the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn't expecting to be first at anything. -- Andy Weir
[09:09] MAV: You're sending me into space in a convertible.
[09:24] HOUSTON: There will be Hab canvas covering the holes. It will provide enough aerodynamics in Mars's atmosphere.
[09:38] MAV: So it's a ragtop. Much better. -- Andy Weir
Over the past few days, I've been happily making water. It's been going swimmingly. (See what I did there? "Swimmingly"?) -- Andy Weir
I study orbital dynamics as a hobby. My idea of a good time is sitting down and drawing on that knowledge to imagine a space mission from beginning to end, getting as many details right as I can. -- Andy Weir
I've looted that poor Hab for everything it could give me, and in return it's kept me alive for a year and a half. It's like the Giving Tree. -- Andy Weir
because after what I've been through, stuff on Mars should be named after me. -- Andy Weir
All the Ares missions use Hermes to get to and from Mars. It's really big and cost a lot so NASA only built one. -- Andy Weir
Everyone would die but me," she said. "They'd all take pills and die. They'll do it right away so they don't use up any food. Commander Lewis picked me to be the survivor. She told me about it yesterday. I don't think NASA knows about it. -- Andy Weir
You want an audience. If you didn't, you wouldn't be a writer. The biggest motivation to write is the knowledge that someone will read it. -- Andy Weir
Once I got home, I sulked for a while. All my brilliant plans foiled by thermodynamics. Damn you, Entropy! -- Andy Weir
Why doesn't Rosco just go to the Duke farm and arrest them when they're not in the car? -- Andy Weir
If the reader is rooting for the protagonist, they'll forgive you just about everything else. -- Andy Weir
How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space? -- Andy Weir
Fortunately, when you spend a lot of time in space, you learn how to shit in a bag. -- Andy Weir
If the oxygenator breaks down, I'll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I'll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I'll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I'll eventually run out of food and starve to death. So yeah. I'm fucked. -- Andy Weir
I am smiling a great smile. The smile of a man who fucked with his car and didn't break it. -- Andy Weir
I've been so busy staying alive I never thought of what this must be like for my parents. -- Andy Weir
If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company. -- Andy Weir
It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. -- Andy Weir
Now I'm in a rougher neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood where you keep your rover doors locked and never come to a complete stop at intersections. -- Andy Weir
Mars is a barren wasteland and I am completely alone here. I already knew that, of course. But there's a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it. -- Andy Weir
That's my considered opinion. Fucked. Six days into what should -- Andy Weir
could have finished faster, but I figured caution's best when setting fire to rocket fuel in an enclosed space. -- Andy Weir
The airlock's on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it's leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I'm in trouble. -- Andy Weir
Even if it's got a bigger problem, he's an engineer!" Dialing, he added, "Fixing things is his job! -- Andy Weir
Things didn't go exactly as planned, but I'm not dead, so it's a win. -- Andy Weir
I'm pretty much fucked. That's my considered opinion. Fucked. -- Andy Weir
I'm not a mama's boy or anything. I'm a full-grown man who only occasionally wears diapers (you have to in an EVA suit). -- Andy Weir
To them, equipment failure is terrifying. To me, it's "Tuesday. -- Andy Weir
But really, they did it because every human being has a basic instinct to help each other out. It might not seem that way sometimes, but it's true. -- Andy Weir
So what do we do, then? He's not going to decompose. He'll be there forever." "Not forever," Teddy said. "Within a year, he'll be covered in sand from normal weather activity. -- Andy Weir
I already knew that, of course. But there's a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it. All -- Andy Weir
I figure if there's a God, He won't mind, considering the situation I'm in. -- Andy Weir
It's a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork. -- Andy Weir
It's the simple things in life that matter. -- Andy Weir
But there's something more important we need to discuss: What is it with you and disco? I can understand the '70s TV because everyone loves hairy people with huge collars. But disco? Disco!? -- Andy Weir
I can't blame it. Its whole purpose is to prevent the atmosphere from becoming lethal. Nobody at NASA thought, "Hey, let's allow a fatal lack of oxygen that will make everyone drop dead! -- Andy Weir
I wonder how the Cubs are doing. -- Andy Weir
Software engineers are sneaky bastards when it comes to data management. -- Andy Weir
Yeah. This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure. That was sarcasm, by the way. Well, -- Andy Weir
From this, I concluded the following: 1. I've been in a dust storm for several sols. 2. Shit. -- Andy Weir
This is the happiest day of my life. -- Andy Weir
Now that NASA can talk to me, they won't shut the hell up. -- Andy Weir
(50 liters of O2 makes 100 liters of molecules that only have one O each). -- Andy Weir
Ever set up a camping tent? From the inside? While wearing a suit of armor? It was a pain in the ass. -- Andy Weir
Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie. -- Andy Weir
...duct tape is magic and should be worshipped. -- Andy Weir
Jack, I'm going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia." "I prefer Star Wars, -- Andy Weir
I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus. -- Andy Weir
You may wonder why I'm not in the Hab right now. Because I fled in terror, that's why! And I'm not sure what the hell to do next. -- Andy Weir
Great Martian Potato Migration. Anyway, -- Andy Weir
That's really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove. -- Andy Weir
If this were a movie, everyone would have been in the airlock, and there would have been high fives all around. But it didn't pan out that way. -- Andy Weir
Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay? -- Andy Weir
It's Hydrogenville in the Hab. -- Andy Weir
Carefully reaching to the side of my helmet, I got the -- Andy Weir
Fuck you," he said to the planet below. -- Andy Weir
But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better. -- Andy Weir
I'll be playing with high-voltage power tomorrow. Can't imagine anything going wrong with that! -- Andy Weir
I told NASA what I did. Our (paraphrased) conversation was: Me: "I took it apart, found the problem, and fixed it." NASA: "Dick. -- Andy Weir
Me: "This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?" NASA: (after five hours of deliberation) "No. You'll fuck it up and die." So I took it apart. -- Andy Weir
As usual, I'm working with stuff that was deliberately designed not to burn. But no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen. -- Andy Weir
Martinez is a devout Catholic. I knew that. What I didn't know was he brought along a small wooden cross. I'm sure NASA gave him shit about it, but I also know Martinez is one stubborn son of a bitch. -- Andy Weir
Hanging up, he grinned at the map. "Mark, you sneaky, clever, son of a bitch! -- Andy Weir
I don't take Mars One seriously at all. -- Andy Weir
Back in the days of Apollo, sending humans to the moon was the only viable way to get the scientific data we wanted. But now, with our computer and robotics technology, there's very little an astronaut can do on Mars that a well-designed rover can't. -- Andy Weir
It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft. -- Andy Weir
It was right where I left it, in a hole four kilometers away. Only an idiot would keep that thing near the Hab. So anyway, I brought it back to the Hab. -- Andy Weir
I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better. -- Andy Weir
My father has a great love of science, and he indoctrinated me into it early. I think I was 12 or so when we designed a moon base. -- Andy Weir
Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth. -- Andy Weir
Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be "in command" if I were the only remaining person."
What do you know? I'm in command -- Andy Weir
It just has to last long enough for me to get to safety. And where will that "safety" be? Not a damn clue. -- Andy Weir
[19:25] JOHANSSEN: The psych team was worried about personality conflicts. [19:25] MAV: What? Just 'cause you guys abandoned me on a godforsaken planet with no chance of survival? -- Andy Weir
Originally self-published, in different form, as an ebook in 2011 . -- Andy Weir
(assuming they didn't cancel the program in the wake of my "death"). -- Andy Weir
AS A chemist, Vogel knew how to make a bomb. In fact, much of his training was to avoid making them by mistake. -- Andy Weir
I never realized how utterly silent Mars is. It's a desert world with practically no atmosphere to convey sound. I could hear my own heartbeat. -- Andy Weir
i'm pretty much fucked. -- Andy Weir
Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it. -- Andy Weir
Designing a station with artificial gravity would undoubtedly be a daunting task. Space agencies would have to re-examine many reliable technologies under the light of the new forces these tools would have to endure. Space flight would have to take several steps back before moving forward again. -- Andy Weir
Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped. -- Andy Weir
Elrond," Bruce said. "The Council of Elrond. From Lord of the Rings. It's the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring."
"Jesus," Annie said. "None of you got laid in high school, did you? -- Andy Weir
The time has come (ominous musical crescendo) for some missions! -- Andy Weir
And the American people may be sentimental, but their government is not. The US State Department won't trade anything major for one man's life. -- Andy Weir
They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially 'colonised' it. So technically, I colonised Mars.
In your face, Neil Armstrong! -- Andy Weir
Well my math was a damn liar! -- Andy Weir
We'll keep you posted. -- Andy Weir
You're sending him to space under a tarp." "Pretty much, yeah." "Like a hastily loaded pickup truck." "Yeah. Can I go on?" "Sure, can't wait. -- Andy Weir
Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years! -- Andy Weir
They hate you."
"Why?"
"Cause you're a dick, Mitch. -- Andy Weir
NASA gets to name their missions after gods and stuff, so why can't I? Henceforth, rover experimental missions will be "Sirius" missions. Get it? Dogs? Well if you don't, fuck you. -- Andy Weir
Life is amazingly tenacious. They don't want to die any more than I do. -- Andy Weir
Damn it, Jim, I'm a botanist, not a chemist! -- Andy Weir
It was a ridiculous sequence of events that led to me almost dying, and an even more ridiculous sequence that led to me surviving. -- Andy Weir
Mars and my stupidity keep trying to kill me. -- Andy Weir
CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG -- Andy Weir
This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure. -- Andy Weir
So instead, I went to good old "Spare Parts" Rover 1 and stole its environment heater. I've gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. I -- Andy Weir
The battery was a lithium thionyl chloride non-rechargeable. I figured that out from some subtle clues: the shape of the connection points, the thickness of the insulation, and the fact that it had "LiSOCl2 NON-RCHRG" written on it. -- Andy Weir
There aren't many people who can say they've vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I'm one of them. -- Andy Weir
If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it. -- Andy Weir
I stumbled up the hill back toward the Hab. As I crested the rise, I saw something that made me very happy and something that made me very sad: The Hab was intact (yay!) and the MAV was gone (boo!). -- Andy Weir
I wish there were a way to spend more time on the surface. But oh well. 31 sols will have to do. -- Andy Weir
I'm leaving Mars today, one way or another. About fucking time. -- Andy Weir
People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It's even got a pleasant name: "night soil. -- Andy Weir
Maybe I'll post a consumer review. "Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10. -- Andy Weir
As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That's the kind of action hero I am. -- Andy Weir
I used a geological sample container (also known as "a box"). -- Andy Weir
Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air won't stay inside anymore. -- Andy Weir
Thanks to the fine taxpayers of America, I have over 100 square meters of the most expensive solar paneling ever made. It has an astounding 10.2 percent efficiency, -- Andy Weir
Don't tell your stories to anyone. You'll be more motivated knowing it's a prerequisite to having an audience. -- Andy Weir
They're not much different from kitchen trash bags, though I'm sure they cost $50,000 because of NASA. -- Andy Weir
I can't wait till I have grandchildren. When I was younger, I had to walk to the rim of a crater. Uphill! In an EVA suit! On Mars, ya little shit! Ya hear me? Mars! -- Andy Weir
I don't even date; I'm terrible with women. -- Andy Weir
As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation. -- Andy Weir
The area around the MAV looks like the set of Sanford and Son. I learned about Sanford and Son from Lewis's collection. Seriously, that woman needs to see someone about her seventies problem. -- Andy Weir
Million-mile-high club," Martinez said. "Nice! -- Andy Weir
Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps. -- Andy Weir
With no magnetic field, Mars has no defense against harsh solar radiation. If I were exposed to it, I'd get so much cancer, the cancer would have cancer. -- Andy Weir
My conclusion was "Fuck it. -- Andy Weir
I'll spend the rest of the evening enjoying a potato. And by "enjoying" I mean "hating so much I want to kill people. -- Andy Weir
There's nothing I would like more than to watch a manned Mars landing. -- Andy Weir
If this becomes a negotiation by diplomats, it will never be resolved. We need to keep this among scientists. Space -- Andy Weir
I could cut off an arm and eat it, gaining me valuable calories and reducing my overall caloric need. -- Andy Weir
So, in the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option: I'm going to have to science the shit out of this. -- Andy Weir
The fourth one is "Survived Something That Should Have Killed Me" because some fucking thing will happen, I just know it. -- Andy Weir
NASA doesn't have total faith in my kludged-together rover -- Andy Weir
Half-ration for dinner. All I accomplished today was thinking up a plan that'll kill me, and that doesn't take much energy. -- Andy Weir
They say no plan survives first contact with implementation. I'd have to agree. -- Andy Weir
Because if he takes off his helmet, he'll die. -- Andy Weir
She kissed his faceplate then looked away, embarrassed. "That was stupid. Don't tell anyone I did that."
"Don't tell anyone I liked it." Beck smiled. -- Andy Weir
Everything went great right up to the explosion. -- Andy Weir
You started my training by buying me a beer. For breakfast. Germans are awesome. -- Andy Weir
My life depended on some math I'd done earlier. If I dropped a sign or added two numbers wrong, I might never wake up. -- Andy Weir
Any bacteria planning to rot my taters will die screaming. In -- Andy Weir