Explore the most impactful and insightful quotes and sayings by Bill Hicks, and enrich your perspective with the wisdom. Share these inspiring Bill Hicks quotes pictures with your friends on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blogs, completely free. Here are the top 244 Bill Hicks quotes for you to read and share.

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Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. -- Bill Hicks
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I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me. -- Bill Hicks
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I love talking about Kennedy assassination ... a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government ... sorry, wrong meeting. -- Bill Hicks
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Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass. -- Bill Hicks
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I used to drink, I did. I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing in their lights thinking I'd made it to the next club. -- Bill Hicks
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You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AIDS-infected pitbull. -- Bill Hicks
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I think it's interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he's really going to want to look at a cross? -- Bill Hicks
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You know what I hate about working? Bosses ... The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well ... I think you see the conflict. -- Bill Hicks
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People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha? -- Bill Hicks
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That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies ... and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama. -- Bill Hicks
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it? -- Bill Hicks
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I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious ... -- Bill Hicks
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That's why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you've learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth. -- Bill Hicks
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It's an insane world, and I'm proud to be a part of it. -- Bill Hicks
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I saw a sign on the side of the road in Tennessee once that said 'dirt for sale' ... what a great country we live in. DIRT for sale. How would you like to get inside that guys mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn't he? -- Bill Hicks
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If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them. -- Bill Hicks
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Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration and that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and you are the imagination of yourself. Here's Tom with the weather ... ! -- Bill Hicks
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Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you. -- Bill Hicks
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags. -- Bill Hicks
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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy. -- Bill Hicks
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While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I've never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet - turning off the TV completely. -- Bill Hicks
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up. -- Bill Hicks
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Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury. -- Bill Hicks
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Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television. -- Bill Hicks
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The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options. -- Bill Hicks
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It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay? -- Bill Hicks
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It's all about money, not freedom. You think you're free? Try going somewhere without money. -- Bill Hicks
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It's all about money, not freedom, y'all, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin' freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay? -- Bill Hicks
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'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style. -- Bill Hicks
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I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman ... come in the guise of a comic ... to heal perception by using ... 'jokes' ... -- Bill Hicks
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There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. -- Bill Hicks
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I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you. -- Bill Hicks
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I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. -- Bill Hicks
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God has this ... hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality. -- Bill Hicks
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is
mankind's sole purpose on this planet. If you're wondering
what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I'll give you
a hint ... it has to do with creating and sharing. -- Bill Hicks
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I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage. -- Bill Hicks
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What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!. -- Bill Hicks
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Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me. -- Bill Hicks
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I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO ... explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death. -- Bill Hicks
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They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? "I think what God meant to say ... " -- Bill Hicks
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The eyes of love see all of us as one. -- Bill Hicks
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How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy. -- Bill Hicks
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Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'. -- Bill Hicks
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It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. -- Bill Hicks
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I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth. -- Bill Hicks
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I've had good times on drugs ... bad times on drugs ... But I've had good and bad relationships ... and I'm not giving up pussy. -- Bill Hicks
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day. -- Bill Hicks
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I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now. -- Bill Hicks
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true. -- Bill Hicks
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I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest." This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't
think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much. -- Bill Hicks
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What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis, not the young, cool guy ... -- Bill Hicks
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The Voice of Reason is in us all ... and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally. -- Bill Hicks
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it -- Bill Hicks
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A Christian will say ... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it. -- Bill Hicks
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You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved? -- Bill Hicks
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Oh
won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash? ... L.A. fell in the ocean? ... There is a God. He loves us all so much. -- Bill Hicks
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Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather. -- Bill Hicks
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I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God. And I say no, it's not, Dad. Well, I believe that it is. Well, you know, some people believe they're Napoleon. That's fine. Beliefs are neat. Cherish them, but don't share them like they're the truth. -- Bill Hicks
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I was a weekend drinker ... I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday ... thought I was controlling it ... but I don't drink any more. -- Bill Hicks
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You are the imagination of yourself. -- Bill Hicks
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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone? -- Bill Hicks
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I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego ... -- Bill Hicks
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I want my rockstars dead. -- Bill Hicks
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining. -- Bill Hicks
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I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust. -- Bill Hicks
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Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years. -- Bill Hicks
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Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves ... After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do. -- Bill Hicks
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And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it. -- Bill Hicks
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. -- Bill Hicks
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They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well - you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference. -- Bill Hicks
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I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.'
You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it. -- Bill Hicks
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Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-f-king-proposals ... and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not
getting laid." What am I doing wrong? -- Bill Hicks
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Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs ... shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'? -- Bill Hicks
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Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes
are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God! -- Bill Hicks
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I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes. -- Bill Hicks
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Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag? ... No, it's not ... That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve ... -- Bill Hicks
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If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender. -- Bill Hicks
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But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass. -- Bill Hicks
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Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick
'You hate this country' ... I have to tell him ... I just hate being lied to. -- Bill Hicks
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We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free. -- Bill Hicks
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Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love. -- Bill Hicks
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left. -- Bill Hicks
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People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally. -- Bill Hicks
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I was always 'awake' ... Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place. -- Bill Hicks
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What before seemed a ... frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all. -- Bill Hicks
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On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did. -- Bill Hicks
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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. -- Bill Hicks
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If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries. -- Bill Hicks
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Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs. -- Bill Hicks
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Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it. -- Bill Hicks
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Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister. -- Bill Hicks
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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. -- Bill Hicks
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I hate patriotism ... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked. -- Bill Hicks
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Marijuana grows naturally ... Don't you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don't know, unnatural? -- Bill Hicks
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All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real. -- Bill Hicks
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I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself ... Good evening! -- Bill Hicks
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'Warning: Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth.' ... Found MY brand! Just don't get the ones that say 'lung cancer.' -- Bill Hicks
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I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas. -- Bill Hicks
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The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans. -- Bill Hicks
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Don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride. -- Bill Hicks
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The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too? -- Bill Hicks
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Isn't that weird, we've made nature against the law. That's how un-natural we've become. -- Bill Hicks
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How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand ... considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE! -- Bill Hicks
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Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit ... unnatural? -- Bill Hicks
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I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous
as long as you're honest. -- Bill Hicks
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I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care ... but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks ... you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross? -- Bill Hicks
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We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons? -- Bill Hicks
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When you're ... stepping over a guy on the sidewalk ... does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?' -- Bill Hicks
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I don't get along with anything, I really don't ... I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being. -- Bill Hicks
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I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for. -- Bill Hicks
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Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense. -- Bill Hicks
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Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. -- Bill Hicks
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Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't ... Paula Abdul doesn't ... there does seem to be a pattern. -- Bill Hicks
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They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet. -- Bill Hicks
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The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey ... there's one guy holding up both! -- Bill Hicks
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Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life? -- Bill Hicks
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It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside. -- Bill Hicks
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Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood. -- Bill Hicks
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It's not that I disagreed with Bush's economic policy ... I believed he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet ... -- Bill Hicks
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You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well ... we looked at the receipts." -- Bill Hicks
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So, it's good to be here, wherever I am. -- Bill Hicks
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I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side. -- Bill Hicks
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And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, "This is my creation, perfect in every way ... oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it ... Now I have to create Republicans." -- Bill Hicks
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The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions -- Bill Hicks
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The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form. -- Bill Hicks
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How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUDDHA!' 'You're Bubba!' 'Ah'm Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt ... -- Bill Hicks
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All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No' ... and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.' -- Bill Hicks
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All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week. -- Bill Hicks
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Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority. -- Bill Hicks
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See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money! -- Bill Hicks
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer -- Bill Hicks
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I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. -- Bill Hicks
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I was just down in Dallas, Texas ... the Assassination Museum ... it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it. -- Bill Hicks
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas. -- Bill Hicks
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You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on. -- Bill Hicks
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I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply. -- Bill Hicks
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion? ... -- Bill Hicks
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. -- Bill Hicks
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My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked. -- Bill Hicks
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A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross? -- Bill Hicks
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I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world. -- Bill Hicks
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No one knows what it's like ... to be a dustbin ... in Shaftesbury ... with hooligans ... -- Bill Hicks
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts ... Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me. -- Bill Hicks
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We really are All One ... this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years. -- Bill Hicks
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That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually ... I'm gonna lose one lung; little while later I'm gonna lose the other one. -- Bill Hicks
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I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House. -- Bill Hicks
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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When? -- Bill Hicks
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The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are -- Bill Hicks
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all. -- Bill Hicks
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How many of y'all wondered, like I did, during the LA riots when those people were being pulled out of their trucks and beaten half to death - step on the f***ing gas, man! They're on foot, you're in a truck - I think I see a way out of this. -- Bill Hicks
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt.
Then it's just hilarious. -- Bill Hicks
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People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction. -- Bill Hicks
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[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is ... thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.' -- Bill Hicks
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Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier. -- Bill Hicks
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The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It's a war against our civil rights, that's all it is. They're using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one. -- Bill Hicks
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The CIA has a plot ... they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem ... is convincing Hussein ... to fly to Dallas. -- Bill Hicks
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ... Seventy percent. What the f-k? Where did
they take this poll, at an S&M parlor? -- Bill Hicks
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Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? -- Bill Hicks
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I was walking through Central Park, and I saw an old man smoking. Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking. This guy was ancient, bent over a walker, puffing away. I'm like, "Duuude, you're my hero! Guy your age smoking, man, it's great." He goes, "What? I'm 28. -- Bill Hicks
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It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know? -- Bill Hicks
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The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act. -- Bill Hicks
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? -- Bill Hicks
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It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me ... oxygen tent, iron lung. -- Bill Hicks
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As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people. -- Bill Hicks
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It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party. -- Bill Hicks
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It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke. -- Bill Hicks
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Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that. -- Bill Hicks
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Nonsmokers
this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight. -- Bill Hicks
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Love rather than fear ... this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope ... surely there is hope for us all. -- Bill Hicks
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Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here's my message: as scary as the world is - and it is - it is merely a ride ... -- Bill Hicks
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To me pornography is ... spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons. -- Bill Hicks
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Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you. -- Bill Hicks
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Humanity is just a virus with shoes. -- Bill Hicks
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Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered. -- Bill Hicks
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What are you reading for? -- Bill Hicks
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I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us ... to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells ... -- Bill Hicks
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Life is only a dream and we are only the imagination of ourselves. -- Bill Hicks
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side. -- Bill Hicks
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Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game or a concert, and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot? -- Bill Hicks
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You all saw him - he had a gun. -- Bill Hicks
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We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad ... that's a little bit overdoing it. -- Bill Hicks
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Hitler had the right idea, he was just an underachiever. -- Bill Hicks
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Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows. -- Bill Hicks
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Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously. -- Bill Hicks
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I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life. -- Bill Hicks
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In Australia ... they celebrate Easter the same ... by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit ... left chocolate eggs in the night -- Bill Hicks
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It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom. -- Bill Hicks
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I am a misanthropic humanist ... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY. -- Bill Hicks
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If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind. -- Bill Hicks
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By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. -- Bill Hicks
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Been on what I call my Flying Saucer Tour
appearing in small Southern towns
in front of handfuls of hillbillies. -- Bill Hicks
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I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night. -- Bill Hicks
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution. -- Bill Hicks
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Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye. -- Bill Hicks
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Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive. -- Bill Hicks
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck. -- Bill Hicks
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Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health nut. The plot thickens. -- Bill Hicks
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It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick. -- Bill Hicks
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There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue
those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS
but they remain strangely silent ... -- Bill Hicks
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How dare you have wino tell me not to do drugs. -- Bill Hicks
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not all drugs are good.. some of them are great -- Bill Hicks
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I'd ... bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties. -- Bill Hicks
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. -- Bill Hicks
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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake. -- Bill Hicks
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States ... 23,000 deaths from handguns. But
there's no connection ... -- Bill Hicks
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Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? -- Bill Hicks
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I was in Australia ... Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den ... think of the parties. -- Bill Hicks
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I ... am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light ... in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required. -- Bill Hicks
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I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes] -- Bill Hicks
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews. -- Bill Hicks
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You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring. -- Bill Hicks
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I believe everyone has this fuckin' poem in his heart. -- Bill Hicks
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Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer. -- Bill Hicks
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I am available for children's parties, by the way ... -- Bill Hicks
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I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic -- Bill Hicks
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus. -- Bill Hicks
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light. -- Bill Hicks
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All governments are lying cocksuckers. -- Bill Hicks
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Freebird, the mantra of the moron. -- Bill Hicks
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I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York ... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye you lizard scum! Bye! -- Bill Hicks
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So scary watching the news ... Like Iraq ... could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever. -- Bill Hicks
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You want a better world ... ? Legalize pot right now ... end the deficit? Legalize pot right now ... biggest cash crop in America. -- Bill Hicks
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It's just a ride. -- Bill Hicks
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I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing ... Those unwanted babies ... ? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps. -- Bill Hicks
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Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour. -- Bill Hicks
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No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery. -- Bill Hicks
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Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which ... I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level. -- Bill Hicks
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We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it. -- Bill Hicks
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks. -- Bill Hicks
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is. -- Bill Hicks
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to. -- Bill Hicks
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I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul -- Bill Hicks
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I saw ... a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs. -- Bill Hicks
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This is the idea that has made me ... an anonymous figure in America ... If you have children here tonight ... they are NOT special. -- Bill Hicks
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What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all One? ... You can see why the government's cracking down. -- Bill Hicks
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To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference. -- Bill Hicks
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I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth. -- Bill Hicks
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I don't do drugs anymore ... than, say, the average touring funk band. -- Bill Hicks
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BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book. -- Bill Hicks
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I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit. -- Bill Hicks
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What does an atheist scream when they come? -- Bill Hicks
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Rock stars against drugs
that's what we want, isn't it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We're partying now! -- Bill Hicks
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I go to dance clubs ... about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!' -- Bill Hicks
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I've said all that I've had to say. -- Bill Hicks