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Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik's artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that's all fake heart and no brain is what's commonly called a "politician," and must be destroyed. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is inaudible - until you hear it. And once you do, you'll never forget the sound of her voice. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It's kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn't listening. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn't have enough time to have sex with me. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil). -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she'd never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love like never, only less often. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it's a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle - and mine just got stolen. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love like I'm thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand? -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo
My love's got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me. -- Dark Jar Tin Zoo