Explore the most impactful and insightful quotes and sayings by Ellen Degeneres, and enrich your perspective with the wisdom. Share these inspiring Ellen Degeneres quotes pictures with your friends on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blogs, completely free. Here are the top 344 Ellen Degeneres quotes for you to read and share.
Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals. -- Ellen Degeneres
I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and listen with them. Have you noticed that? When it's dark and you can't see a thing, you open your eyes really wide and glance back and force, like your eyes become your ears? -- Ellen Degeneres
I get home at the end of the day and I don't want to talk. All I want to do is lay on the floor and pet my dogs and my cats. -- Ellen Degeneres
You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.' -- Ellen Degeneres
The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would. -- Ellen Degeneres
You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things. -- Ellen Degeneres
At a four-way stop sign, the person with the prettiest eyes has the right of way -- Ellen Degeneres
I get paid very well for an amazing, amazing life. I'm blessed. -- Ellen Degeneres
I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy. -- Ellen Degeneres
Designing is my hobby. If I didn't do what I do for a living - at some point when I don't do this for a living - I'll probably just do design work. I love finding really special pieces of furniture. -- Ellen Degeneres
Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators. -- Ellen Degeneres
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping? -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.' -- Ellen Degeneres
There's lotion for your face, lotion for your hands, lotion for your feet, lotion for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? -- Ellen Degeneres
I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being ... me. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. -- Ellen Degeneres
When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show. -- Ellen Degeneres
You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress. -- Ellen Degeneres
Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?" -- Ellen Degeneres
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm glad I'm funny. I'm glad I make people happy, because that's very important. But I'm proud to be known as a kind person. -- Ellen Degeneres
When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine. -- Ellen Degeneres
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system. -- Ellen Degeneres
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work. -- Ellen Degeneres
It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source. -- Ellen Degeneres
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. -- Ellen Degeneres
All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. -- Ellen Degeneres
All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!" -- Ellen Degeneres
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair. -- Ellen Degeneres
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. -- Ellen Degeneres
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful. -- Ellen Degeneres
It is better to give than to receive." - Liars -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. -- Ellen Degeneres
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
One time in high school.
Three times in my twenties.
Rocks no salt.
Yes.
Four.
Never. And how dare you!
I will take no further questions. -- Ellen Degeneres
What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out. -- Ellen Degeneres
I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired. -- Ellen Degeneres
My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not -- Ellen Degeneres
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. -- Ellen Degeneres
There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? -- Ellen Degeneres
That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's ... she's too happy. -- Ellen Degeneres
Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor. -- Ellen Degeneres
I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises. -- Ellen Degeneres
Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers! -- Ellen Degeneres
I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity. -- Ellen Degeneres
Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink. -- Ellen Degeneres
The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed. -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now. -- Ellen Degeneres
You never know what funny can do. -- Ellen Degeneres
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'd like to be more patient! I just want everything now. I've tried to meditate, but it's really hard for me to stay still. I'd like to try to force myself to do it, because everybody says how wonderful meditation is for you, but I can't shut my mind up. So patience and learning is the key. -- Ellen Degeneres
I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules. -- Ellen Degeneres
There's always time to do things that you're passionate about ... If my name helps get something out there that I believe in then I am going to produce it ... Design is really my true love. -- Ellen Degeneres
I am a really sensitive person. -- Ellen Degeneres
I was raised in an atmosphere of 'everything's fine.' But as I got older, I was like, 'Well no, everything's not fine. There is stuff that's sad.' I am a really sensitive person. I think I am too sensitive sometimes. -- Ellen Degeneres
Beauty isn't between a size zero and a size eight, it is not a number at all. It is not physical. -- Ellen Degeneres
I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame. -- Ellen Degeneres
Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing ... chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too. -- Ellen Degeneres
For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life. -- Ellen Degeneres
When life gives you lemons ... they could really be oranges. -- Ellen Degeneres
I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called. -- Ellen Degeneres
Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going to say, I can't wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer's room until 2 or 3 a.m. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think there's a whole bunch of things that go along with being a girl. You're not supposed to have opinions or be tough or strong. You're supposed to be soft and vulnerable, and I find those qualities important in both men and women. -- Ellen Degeneres
I spend a lot of time exploring my body. Hang on, that doesn't sound quite right. What I mean to say is, I like to constantly be in touch with my own body. Okay, that's not right, either. My body is a wonderland. I don't even know why I just said that. -- Ellen Degeneres
I've got a lot to say about television. There's a lot going on in television right now and I feel like a huge part of television. -- Ellen Degeneres
Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello. -- Ellen Degeneres
I always like using different muscles, you can take that however you want. But doing something once a year is fantastic, I highly recommended it if you can do it. It's a wonderful thing, it's very freeing and I can put a lot of energy and attention onto it and it's something I love doing. -- Ellen Degeneres
...there are a lot of self-righteous people out there. And if you try to adjust your life to please them...you're just going to go crazy and risk being as unhappy as these self-righteous kooks are. -- Ellen Degeneres
Even before I knew I was gay, I knew I didn't want to have a child. I knew I didn't want to have one. I never want to have to release it from me. Listen, I love babies. I love children. And I melt when I'm around them. I also love my freedom and I love that I can sleep at night. -- Ellen Degeneres
This is my real secret to being a joyful person: I make my life easy. I spend more time being grateful for what I have instead of focusing on what isn't working. I no longer believe that people have to do things my way and that I have to be perfect. -- Ellen Degeneres
There are "well-known secrets" out there and there are people who are "so happy they could die." Sometimes people are so sad they have to laugh and sometimes things feel so wrong, they're right. Basically what I'm saying is, I usually don't know what people are talking about. -- Ellen Degeneres
I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush. -- Ellen Degeneres
If success is really dependent on someone liking you or not liking you, and you have to teeter on that kind of tightrope of how you're supposed to act and how you're supposed to look and who you are, it's just not a healthy way to live. -- Ellen Degeneres
For some reason, we can't just enjoy somebody else's success. Somehow, that's going to affect us. If they have more, then I have less - and I don't know why. -- Ellen Degeneres
Above all, I strive to be the best I can - to be better than I was yesterday and better tomorrow. -- Ellen Degeneres
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself. -- Ellen Degeneres
I've moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don't move for the sole purpose of getting rid of stuff. I'm not crazy. I also move so that I never have to wash any windows. -- Ellen Degeneres
My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and that there's a higher power and an intelligence that's bigger than us and that we can rely on. It's not just us, thinking we are the ones in control of everything. That idea gives me support. -- Ellen Degeneres
Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex. -- Ellen Degeneres
But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar. -- Ellen Degeneres
People are constantly asking Portia and me if we are going to have children. We thought about it. We love to be around children after they've been fed and bathed. But we ultimately decided that we don't want children of our own. There is far too much glass in our house. -- Ellen Degeneres
That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it. -- Ellen Degeneres
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass. -- Ellen Degeneres
Meditation is helping me learn to sit still. Twenty minutes of meditation in the morning is a nice way to start my day. If you can actually sit still and really get to that place of silence, you realize what's important and what's not important. Little things don't usually get to me anymore. -- Ellen Degeneres
I have the picture of Barack [Obama] and me dancing right outside of my dressing room door, I see it every single day, and it makes me very happy. -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before. -- Ellen Degeneres
There are people out there hiding all kinds of things. People who have all this success and all this fame and all this money, and yet there are secrets that they think if we found out about, it would be over for them. And it's a horrible way to live whether you're famous or not. -- Ellen Degeneres
I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with. -- Ellen Degeneres
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. -- Ellen Degeneres
So excited for the Apple Watch. For centuries, we've checked the time by looking at our phones. Having it on your wrist? Genius. -- Ellen Degeneres
We're all different people and we're allowed to be different from one another. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don't curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hat. That'll show them. -- Ellen Degeneres
I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world. -- Ellen Degeneres
I love Jesus but I drink alittle- Gladis Hardy from the Ellen Show -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just is crazy that I'm 53. I think I'm very immature. I feel like a kid. That's why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can't do certain things anymore - like doing the plank for 10 minutes. -- Ellen Degeneres
If we lived each day as our last, I bet we'd all be a lot more honest with people, because we wouldn't have to care what people think anymore. -- Ellen Degeneres
What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay. -- Ellen Degeneres
Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice. -- Ellen Degeneres
Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up the show because people thought no one would watch it because I'm openly gay. -- Ellen Degeneres
We should be grateful for them because without our family - the ancestors we descend from, the cousins we see once a year, the loves our lives we see every day - life is pretty boring. -- Ellen Degeneres
Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that. -- Ellen Degeneres
Honestly, I would eat cardboard rather than go back to eating animals. -- Ellen Degeneres
While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I'd say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses. -- Ellen Degeneres
I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'm not hiding anything from them. -- Ellen Degeneres
I do it because I love animals and I saw the reality. And I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm healthier for it, I'm happier for it. I can't imagine that if you're putting something in your body that is filled with fear or anxiety or pain, that that isn't somehow going to be inside of you. -- Ellen Degeneres
I like sitting at outdoor restaurants; it would be nice to go someplace on the street and not worry about somebody taking my picture while I'm about to take a bite of something. -- Ellen Degeneres
You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools. -- Ellen Degeneres
I never see the glass half empty because I drink out the bottle -- Ellen Degeneres
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive. -- Ellen Degeneres
You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic. -- Ellen Degeneres
If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions. -- Ellen Degeneres
I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, Put that thing there so I can crush it. -- Ellen Degeneres
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot. -- Ellen Degeneres
I love furniture. And I thought, why are we not seeing who's making the cool new coffee table and these new designs that come out? -- Ellen Degeneres
I had done a sitcom and a movie and hosted the Emmys, and all of a sudden, I lost everything. As someone put it at the time, I was suddenly like a Ferrari in neutral. -- Ellen Degeneres
Catch-and-release, that's like running down pedestrians in your car and then, when they get up and limp away, saying
'Off you go! That's fine. I just wanted to see if I could hit you.' -- Ellen Degeneres
All of my friends were seeing a therapist, and I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't see a therapist. So I went to a therapist to find out why I wasn't seeing a therapist. And it turns out I'm very screwed up. Thank God I found a therapist to tell me for $125 an hour. -- Ellen Degeneres
Be open to learning new lessons, even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday. -- Ellen Degeneres
Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's Adopt-A-Turkey Project. -- Ellen Degeneres
To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. -- Ellen Degeneres
Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are. -- Ellen Degeneres
We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two cats on our farm, Tom and Little Sister, two horses, and two mini horses, Hannah and Tricky. We also have two cows, Holy and Madonna. And those are only the animals we let sleep in our bed. -- Ellen Degeneres
The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work. -- Ellen Degeneres
You're never too old to play. You're only too old for low-rise jeans. -- Ellen Degeneres
Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. -- Ellen Degeneres
I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated & helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That's what I stand for. -- Ellen Degeneres
You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going. -- Ellen Degeneres
Hosting the Emmys is a challenge for me. I guess it's the equivalent of someone who needs to climb a mountain or jump out of a plane. It's that kind of thing, where this could go terribly wrong. And I love the feeling of when it goes right. -- Ellen Degeneres
Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of 'I think I'm a loser,' try 'I definitely am a loser.' Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid? -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm a fan of people getting together. -- Ellen Degeneres
A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room. -- Ellen Degeneres
Despite all the labels, in most ways I'm really not different from anyone else. I guess if you had to label me, you could say I'm like the girl next door. I'm like the girl a few doors down. -- Ellen Degeneres
I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon. -- Ellen Degeneres
My life is perfect even when it's not. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to laugh and to feel positive, if you are laughing at something positive. But if you are laughing at mean jokes then it's a wash. -- Ellen Degeneres
It is a fundamental right for people to be allowed to love who they want to love and marry who they want to marry and stop holding on to some form of discrimination that it's just isn't fair. -- Ellen Degeneres
You talk to some people who are opposed to same sex marriage, and they'll say, 'If we allow that, what's next? Will people want to marry animals?' ... You have to wonder about people who go straight to that idea
and they think WE'RE weird! -- Ellen Degeneres
My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw ... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw? -- Ellen Degeneres
So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers ... I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says 'open here.' Is that sarcasm? -- Ellen Degeneres
Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most -- Ellen Degeneres
If there weren't blacks, Jews and gays, there would no Oscars. Or anyone named Oscar, if you think about that. -- Ellen Degeneres
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is. -- Ellen Degeneres
Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come. -- Ellen Degeneres
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun. -- Ellen Degeneres
I always worry when someone's a good golfer. It's like you shouldn't have time to be good at anything. You should just be a politician and you shouldn't have time to practice golf. -- Ellen Degeneres
Enjoy your life. God gave us our bodies as a gift. (Granted, to some of us it's kind of a gag gift, but that's okay too.) Wear what you want, love who you want, and have fun. -- Ellen Degeneres
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. -- Ellen Degeneres
You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled. -- Ellen Degeneres
If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. -- Ellen Degeneres
I know that experts say you're more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn't make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street. -- Ellen Degeneres
It's just, you can get very complacent if you do the same thing all the time and especially [comedy], it gives me different things to react to and respond to, and it stimulates me,. -- Ellen Degeneres
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. -- Ellen Degeneres
I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are. -- Ellen Degeneres
Most people don't get to laugh, be free, dance, be surrounded by this energy. It's important to remind people to take that home. I want the world to start shifting [to] a more positive energy. -- Ellen Degeneres
Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw every single week on the wall at Sunday school was the Golden Rule. -- Ellen Degeneres
Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on. -- Ellen Degeneres
I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I've started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I've written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun. -- Ellen Degeneres
Standup is more me talking the entire time. There's definitely an exchange of energy because that room, that audience, is giving back. -- Ellen Degeneres
I know there's always going to be feedback no matter what the subject. I am shocked by somebody commenting on my shoes or my clothes. Everyone has an opinion, everyone is logging about everything and has an opinion. So I can't possibly pay attention to that. -- Ellen Degeneres
One rough patch is not the big picture. -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive. -- Ellen Degeneres
Be kind to one another. Bye, bye. -- Ellen Degeneres
Gratitude is looking on the brighter side of life, even if it means hurting your eyes. -- Ellen Degeneres
My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They're people who are actually interesting and they're doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people. -- Ellen Degeneres
It feels good. Kinda like when you have to shut your computer down, just sometimes when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it's okay again. That's what meditation is to me. -- Ellen Degeneres
For someone like me, who loves to sweat and push herself, it's a challenge to slow down, to sit, to breathe and hold poses. -- Ellen Degeneres
Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time ... -- Ellen Degeneres
It must be around forty, when you're "over the hill." I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. -- Ellen Degeneres
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves. -- Ellen Degeneres
Be true to yourself and everything will be fine. -- Ellen Degeneres
I believe one day a 'ban on gay marriage' will sound totally ridiculous. In the meantime, I will continue to speak out for equality for all of us. -- Ellen Degeneres
If anybody could put themselves in that situation of feeling a giant loud voice saying you don't deserve the same rights, you are different and you are not equal, it feels really bad. -- Ellen Degeneres
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think anybody who wants to be president has to be a politician, but I would like to find somebody who's coming from a loving place instead of a political place. -- Ellen Degeneres
When your heart is broken, when your heart has cracks in it, it lets the light in. -- Ellen Degeneres
We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with procrastination, too.' I said 'Really? ... Get my sandwich.' -- Ellen Degeneres
I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day. -- Ellen Degeneres
But I do believe that's when you do your soul-searching. I think when you have these trials that life gives you, it is an opportunity to find out who you are. Not just who you are when everything's great, but who are you when every thing is taken away from you and you have nothing. -- Ellen Degeneres
I've always said, I like my coffee like I like my men ... I don't drink coffee. -- Ellen Degeneres
You know how you always expect someone to think the same as you and then your like, really shocked when they don't? Like when it's a cold day and you turn to the person next to you and say, 'Its so cold, aren't you cold?' and then they say 'no.' It's kinda like, 'what, are you a communist? -- Ellen Degeneres
I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we're all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose ... When you connect with that love and that compassion, that's when everything unfolds. -- Ellen Degeneres
I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It's not easy to find those people all the time, but they're out there. -- Ellen Degeneres
I won't have a hard time being brutally honest. But I won't be mean. You don't have to be mean to be honest. -- Ellen Degeneres
Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. -- Ellen Degeneres
Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don't think we hurt anyone else's marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they're fine -- Ellen Degeneres
I think beauty comes from actually knowing who you are. That's real beauty to me. -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going ... -- Ellen Degeneres
We put the wrong emphasis on what beauty is and what health is. Health is being vibrant and having energy and being happy. -- Ellen Degeneres
We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews? -- Ellen Degeneres
I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do. -- Ellen Degeneres
I care passionately about equal rights [and] animal rights. -- Ellen Degeneres
Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'
Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman. -- Ellen Degeneres
The world is filled with negativity. I want people to watch me and think, I feel good, and I'm going to make somebody else feel good today. -- Ellen Degeneres
The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift. -- Ellen Degeneres
There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans -- Ellen Degeneres
If you're in a position where you can help other people, there is nothing better in life than helping other people. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! -- Ellen Degeneres
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me! I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry! -- Ellen Degeneres
I hate having to do small talk. I'd rather talk about deep subjects. I'd rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter. -- Ellen Degeneres
No, we can't be friends. You're my mom. You're what i talk to my friends about. -- Ellen Degeneres
Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't even have to be an issue. -- Ellen Degeneres
You know, there's probably a lot of moisture in caves, too, which would be bad for my hair. And all those sharp edges. I wouldn't want to move. I'd just sit in the cave all day long and think about how scared I was to -- Ellen Degeneres
Penguins mate for life. Which doesn't really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday. -- Ellen Degeneres
Raspberry Sorbet with Capers -- Ellen Degeneres
I get my dance moves from just moving around and listening to music and not really worrying about if it's perfect or not. -- Ellen Degeneres
People have become so accustomed to texting that they're actually startled when the phone rings. It's like we suddenly all have Bat-phones. If it rings, there must be danger. -- Ellen Degeneres
We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we're cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning. -- Ellen Degeneres
I like to stretch my mind by reading and writing and watching educational TV shows like The Bachelor to learn the complex mating rituals of heterosexuals. -- Ellen Degeneres
I talked to Beyonce and she wants to learn how to speak Arabic and she wants to jump out of an airplane. I don't want to do that. I just don't want to wash my hair every day. -- Ellen Degeneres
Something big happened over the weekend. Something that affects everybody, all over the world. George Clooney got married. -- Ellen Degeneres
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. -- Ellen Degeneres
Be kind to one another . -- Ellen Degeneres
Who needs sleep? I laugh in the face of sleep! -- Ellen Degeneres
It's such an honor to receive the Mark Twain Prize. To get the same award that has been given to people like Bill Cosby, Tina Fey and Will Ferrell, it really makes me wonder ... why didn't I get this sooner? -- Ellen Degeneres
I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off ... I can't sit still too long. -- Ellen Degeneres
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves. -- Ellen Degeneres
Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong-normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas. -- Ellen Degeneres
Beauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It's not a number at all. -- Ellen Degeneres
My name is Ellen and I'm a vegetarian. Just to add another label to me: I am a lesbian, aquarian and vegetarian. I've said it ... -- Ellen Degeneres
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder. -- Ellen Degeneres
I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres. -- Ellen Degeneres
In the 80's we had high, high, waisted pants, that if they came up any higher they'd have to go up another size, if you know what I mean. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm happy, for example, that I no longer eat paste, like I did when I was twenty-four. -- Ellen Degeneres
I know that every time I list something that I am, I am potentially alienating a whole group of people. Publicists and managers will encourage you not to say what political party you belong to, what you eat, what you don't eat, who you sleep with and all that stuff. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think gender plays a part in most things, but I don't know how it would be different because I've never been a man. And my fame is different from Nicole Kidman's or Sharon Stone's. I think everybody's fame is different. -- Ellen Degeneres
Though you feel you're not where you're suppose to be, you shouldn't worry because that next turn that you take, it will lead you to where you wanna go. -- Ellen Degeneres
So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship - it's actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect. -- Ellen Degeneres
You know, radio DJ's must really love to talk to theirselves. Especially when they have the graveyard shift. 'Hey this is Ellen with 89.1. It is currently three in the morning. There are few cars on the road. And it your still listening heres a little music to get you to dance.. -- Ellen Degeneres
Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen. -- Ellen Degeneres
Now airlines charge for everything ... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen. -- Ellen Degeneres
Procrastinate now, don't put it off. -- Ellen Degeneres
Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you -- Ellen Degeneres
There's nothing I know for sure, because I know for sure that things change. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think furniture is art. I don't think art is just for your walls - I think everything that someone has made is a piece of art. -- Ellen Degeneres
I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me has taught me compassion. -- Ellen Degeneres
Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain. -- Ellen Degeneres
So let that be a lesson, kids who get an F in math. Ellen says you're doing the right thing. You're welcome, parents. -- Ellen Degeneres
I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now. -- Ellen Degeneres
How come when you wipe up dust it's called dusting but when you wipe up a spill it's not called spilling? There's something to think about. -- Ellen Degeneres
Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it. -- Ellen Degeneres
What would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews? -- Ellen Degeneres
Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path. -- Ellen Degeneres
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure ... I think. -- Ellen Degeneres
If you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people to talk about you and wanting everyone to know who you are. But that also means there are going to be a whole bunch of people who don't like you. No matter who you are. -- Ellen Degeneres
The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head. -- Ellen Degeneres
And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happen to you? It's not your fault. You've held your breath, you just wanna get out, and now you open the door and you have to explain, 'Oh! Listen, there's an odor in there and I didn't do it. It's bad. -- Ellen Degeneres
First of all, I don't think they have to go that high. That is not necessary, to be that high in the air. I think they're showing off, those pilots. I think we could just go really fast just a few feet off the ground. Just high enough to miss the animals. -- Ellen Degeneres
The legend goes that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. I was thinking ... that must be hard to put all the tiny seatbelts on all the snakes. -- Ellen Degeneres
Knowledge is power and you need power in this world. You need as many advantages as you can get. -- Ellen Degeneres
Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow. -- Ellen Degeneres
I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that. -- Ellen Degeneres
If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move. -- Ellen Degeneres
There is something about TM. It is the only time
I have that stillness ... It gives me this peaceful
feeling-I just love it so much. -- Ellen Degeneres
We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. -- Ellen Degeneres
Let's all challenge ourselves today to get up and move a little more. -- Ellen Degeneres
There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don't even understand how anyone would want that job at all. Although I would be able to play golf which I don't seem to have time now. -- Ellen Degeneres
Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks. -- Ellen Degeneres
Some celebrities, it's interesting, because they're fantastic playing a character when somebody is writing the lines for them, and they're amazing actors, but they're not as comfortable on television in front of a live audience and just having a conversation and being themselves. -- Ellen Degeneres
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. -- Ellen Degeneres
I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like shut up, shut up, shut upblah blah blah blah blaaaaah. -- Ellen Degeneres
I would rather be the good aunt who never says anything bad and lets the parents discipline the child. -- Ellen Degeneres
The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short and has white hair. -- Ellen Degeneres
Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive? -- Ellen Degeneres
You're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance. -- Ellen Degeneres
It was so important for me to lose everything, because I found out what the most important thing is, which is to be true to yourself. -- Ellen Degeneres
Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away. -- Ellen Degeneres
Haters are my motivators -- Ellen Degeneres
First you have your baby, which in and of itself is a stunning feat. I won't go into specifics, but ouch and no thank you. -- Ellen Degeneres
People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James! -- Ellen Degeneres
Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony. -- Ellen Degeneres
I cannot imagine not going home to animals. They are the closest thing to God; they don't harbor resentment. I wanted to be a vet when I grew up. -- Ellen Degeneres
Slow down your mind. Slower. Think about how slow you have to drive when there's someone on a bicycle in front of you in the middle of your lane. Are you annoyed? Don't be. -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't really ever live my life in fear. I really live my life in gratitude and feeling positive for the most part. -- Ellen Degeneres
I put a basketball in front of George Clooney's door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out. -- Ellen Degeneres
I've learned 2 things about tv. It's always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES -- Ellen Degeneres
When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me. -- Ellen Degeneres
I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they're usually somebody's. You know, I'm not wearing Kmart. -- Ellen Degeneres
I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on. -- Ellen Degeneres
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble. -- Ellen Degeneres
Did you ever feel like the whole world was going to a party and your invitation got lost in the mail? -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't know when it became socially acceptable to be late. -- Ellen Degeneres
We're just trying to find happiness in the bodies and minds we were given, like everyone else. -- Ellen Degeneres
For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13. -- Ellen Degeneres
If someone says you're weird, say thank you. -- Ellen Degeneres
I like to try new things because I get bored so easily. -- Ellen Degeneres
I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. -- Ellen Degeneres
When I decided to have my character on the show come out, I knew I was going to have to come out, too. I never wanted to be the lesbian actress. I never wanted to be the spokesperson for the gay community. Ever. I did it for my own truth. -- Ellen Degeneres
We can sit and worry about what's going to happen to us two weeks from now. I'd rather focus on the amazing things happening right in front of us. -- Ellen Degeneres
It's hard to understand failure when you're going through it, but in the grand scheme of things it's good to fall down - not because you're drunk and not near stairs. -- Ellen Degeneres
Well, crying's good. It prepares you for life. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm going to be kind, because then it all just kind of spreads, and the world is a little nicer out there. -- Ellen Degeneres
I don't consider myself an interviewer as much as an entertainer. -- Ellen Degeneres
[Airline food] is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get - chicken, steak, anything - has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane. -- Ellen Degeneres
It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off. -- Ellen Degeneres
The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime's Funniest Person in America. And that's a really tough title to travel around with when you're not even known. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm not going to say who looks the most beautiful, but it's clear. It's Jared Leto. I mean, he's the prettiest. Boy is he pretty -- Ellen Degeneres
I was raised that you don't use something nice until there's someplace to go. -- Ellen Degeneres
When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it's hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn't feel like me. -- Ellen Degeneres
We use only 10% of our brains ... Imagine how smart we would be if we used the other 60%! -- Ellen Degeneres
The way I see it ... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too. -- Ellen Degeneres
It would be horrible to live with someone who didn't like the same things you like. -- Ellen Degeneres
I admire people who know they can't sing. There are so many people out there who can't sing, but they think they can, so they sing a lot. -- Ellen Degeneres
Sometimes something being taken away from you is exactly what you need to take a look at yourself. -- Ellen Degeneres
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log. -- Ellen Degeneres
My hair is always at its best in New York. I don't know what's in the water. It could be mousse. -- Ellen Degeneres
If you want to add a little spice to your life, plant some dill. And learn to salsa. -- Ellen Degeneres
Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing. -- Ellen Degeneres
I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm probably the most honest person you'll ever meet - to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-feelings honest. I'm sure if I lied about anything, it would have been silly, but I haven't retained that information. -- Ellen Degeneres
I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good. -- Ellen Degeneres
We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity and bullying in the world. And I think if everybody focused on what we all have in common - which is - we all want to be happy. -- Ellen Degeneres
I would love for the world to be happier. -- Ellen Degeneres
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from ... you heterosexuals. -- Ellen Degeneres
Here's a professional tip: If you have to say you're kidding, it might not be a great joke. -- Ellen Degeneres
There's even a name for the people who have the most stuff. They're called hoarders. Back in the day they were just called grandmothers. -- Ellen Degeneres
If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore. -- Ellen Degeneres
What's New Orleans without music? And what's music without dancing? -- Ellen Degeneres
Please raise your children with love and non-judgement. Tell them everyone has the right to love who they want to love. It shouldn't threaten you or who you are. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm sure men have their own ways of trying to demean one another, but women can be very gossipy and judgmental, and that doesn't help. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'm a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights. -- Ellen Degeneres
When the message out there is so horrible that, to be gay, you can get killed for it ... we need to change the message!! -- Ellen Degeneres
Everybody always resolves to start exercising, but they never do. You know why ? Because it's January. Who wants to go jogging in the freezing cold ? -- Ellen Degeneres
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things. -- Ellen Degeneres
Oh my God! I can't believe I did that! -- Ellen Degeneres
I think there's too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more. -- Ellen Degeneres
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine. -- Ellen Degeneres
Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork. -- Ellen Degeneres
I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But ... I'm a loving, spiritual person. -- Ellen Degeneres
Then you panic because you've never known the difference between a sweet potato and a yam and both are on the counter, and if you start making a yam pie you'll never hear the end of it. -- Ellen Degeneres
Human beings only use ten percent of their brains. Ten percent! Can you imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other sixty percent? -- Ellen Degeneres
lost all of those things and you had to live in a cave all -- Ellen Degeneres
I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous. -- Ellen Degeneres
People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with anything? -- Ellen Degeneres
The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself. -- Ellen Degeneres
I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian. -- Ellen Degeneres
I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms. -- Ellen Degeneres
(I don't know why the word "mustache" exists, though. Can't we just call it lip hair?) -- Ellen Degeneres
Why must women wake up and paint their faces? Who came up with this idea? What's wrong with washing and moisturizing? So, if you care to wear make-up, go right ahead. No one's stopping you. I only suggest reconsidering. Is it totally necessary? -- Ellen Degeneres
It's nice when people love you ... for you. -- Ellen Degeneres
Reading Ellen's hilarious new book. Thirsty for tequila. -- Ellen Degeneres
I have an amazing team; I have amazing producers; I have amazing writers, but at the end of it, it's me making the decisions on the writing, the tone, the editing. -- Ellen Degeneres
There's no one way to dance. And that's kind of my philosophy about everything. -- Ellen Degeneres
