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Mr. Haverbink bowed deeply, muscles rippling all up and down his back, and lumbered from the room. Miss Hisselpenny sighed and fluttered her fan. "Ah, for the countryside, what scenery there abides ... , " quoth she. Miss Tarabotti giggled. "Ivy, what a positively wicked thing to say. Bravo. -- Gail Carriger
Rue was a romantic. Her parents were a love match. Had to be, for there was no other possible explanation for them tolerating one another. Thus Rue held the very peculiar opinion that love made for a most agreeable form of companionship. -- Gail Carriger
He wore a tweed suit, of all horrible things, and a cravat tied with such carelessness it was almost as much a sin as his actions. -- Gail Carriger
Some of the young ladies even ate the salmon without concern to vital humors
when everyone knew colored fish flesh could bring on an attack of hysteria. -- Gail Carriger
No one said learning etiquette and espionage would be easy, my dear. -- Gail Carriger
And I find perfect beauty excessively boring, don't you? -- Gail Carriger
Follow that porcupine! -- Gail Carriger
Like a proper gentleman, the good captain never made mention of the undergarment murder. -- Gail Carriger
I love the Victorian era, and I always have, but I had a leg up on the writing because I was familiar with a lot of the science from the Victorian era. And that led to a massive interest in the science of this time of history. -- Gail Carriger
Lord Maccon was built like a brick outhouse, with opinions twice as unmoving and often equally full of crap. -- Gail Carriger
Lord Maccon reflected upon the state of his life wherein he had somehow gained a spouse who could not give a pig's foot for the latest dresses out of Paris but who whined about not owning an aethographic transmitter. Well, at least the two were comparable obsessions so far as expense was concerned. -- Gail Carriger
After every unladylike action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. Consider the necessary, analyze the consequences, clean up the mess. -- Gail Carriger
She was no closer to determining who might want her dead. There were just too many possibilities. -- Gail Carriger
Sidheag, you think like a predator.' The Lady of Kingair glowed in pleasure. 'Thank you very much, Sophronia. What a nice thing to say. -- Gail Carriger
The Pantechnicon stored and distributed a good deal of furniture as well. The very idea of a lady of good breeding visiting such a place. There would be tables lying about, on their sides, naked! Not to mention flaccid dirigibles! Alexia shuddered at the very idea. -- Gail Carriger
Having delivered the expected daily miracle, Floote stood in his usual stance and warily watched the Templars work. -- Gail Carriger
She'd had it painted, and planted, and primped, and festooned, and draped to within an inch of its very long life. But it was asking too much of the poor thing. The result was something akin to dressing a bulldog up like an opera dancer. Underneath the tulle, it was still a bowlegged bulldog. -- Gail Carriger
To me, steampunk and urban fantasy are naturally hinged together. And I think that's because I love the early gothic Victorian literature, and both things spring from that movement. -- Gail Carriger
My sister is a woman of mean understanding," explained Lady Maccon apologetically.
"And what are you?" asked Sedheag.
"Oh, I am simply mean. -- Gail Carriger
Ah, to be young and agile again,' said Primrose.
'We were never that young,' replied Rue.
'More to the point, we were never that agile,' said Prim with a soft smile. -- Gail Carriger
The voice was low and tinged with a hint of Scotland. It would have caused Alexia to shiver and think primal monkey thoughts about moons and running far and fast, if she'd had a soul. Instead it caused her to sigh in exasperation and sit up. -- Gail Carriger
What do you want?" Sophronia was moved to exasperation.
"Me? Stockings and breeches to come back in fashion. I do miss seeing a man's calves. -- Gail Carriger
So, did you hold back during that test?"
"Maybe a little," Sophronia admitted.
Soap grinned. "That's my girl."
Sophronia glared at him. He was getting familiar.
"You are, miss." He continued to grin.
"I'm my own girl, thank you very much. -- Gail Carriger
As a general rule, Lord Maccon appreciated a voluptuous woman. He liked a bit of meat on the female form, more to grab on to - and more to chew off. -- Gail Carriger
I don't want my writing to be work to read. My main goal is completely shameless entertainment. I want people to smile and giggle and enjoy the book. I'm not trying to save the world through literature. -- Gail Carriger
Rue gave a little mental sigh. No one would ever describe her as deadly attractive. She brightened a bit. Perhaps she could aspire to just deadly? -- Gail Carriger
After a moment's consideration, she switched to the spot next to Pillover and attempted to read over his shoulder, ignoring his faint goaty smell. All boys smell of goat. -- Gail Carriger
Sophronia and Dimity took a vacant love seat at the front, Sophronia dislodging a large, fluffy cat with a scrunched-up face. The cat gave her a disgusted look. Or seemed to; it was hard to tell with that face. -- Gail Carriger
Most likely Pistons," said Pillover in a resigned tone of voice. "You told them about the ball. They like to go to events uninvited, put gin in the punch, and steal all the spoons. Stylish shenanigans like that."
"Charming," said Sophronia. -- Gail Carriger
You, sir, are a bad scientist! -- Gail Carriger
With a resigned shrug, she screamed and collapsed into a faint. She stayed resolutely fainted, despite the liberal application of smelling salts, which made her eyes water most tremendously, a cramp in the back of one knee, and the fact that her new ball gown was getting most awfully wrinkled. -- Gail Carriger
A girl's boudoir was sacred! -- Gail Carriger
We realy must work on our communitcation. Perhaps if you were not so constantly intrested in other forms of intimacy, I might actually have access to the information I need to survive with my temper intact!" Alexia poked at him with a sharp finger. "More talk, less bed sport. -- Gail Carriger
No one ever explained the octopuses. -- Gail Carriger
They decided the mummy would be unwrapped, for the titillation of the ladies, just after dinner. -- Gail Carriger
And vampires were perverted. Or so she hoped -- Gail Carriger
Lord Macon:"Went for a wee nightly run. Needed peace and quiet. Needed air in my fur. Needed fields under my paws. Needed, oh I canna -hic- explain ... needed the company of hegehogs."
Professor Lyall:"And did you find it?"
Lord Macon:"Find what? No hedgehogs. Stupid hedgehogs. -- Gail Carriger
I hate missing everything. That's why I want to marry well and be a grand lady. Then I can host all the parties, all the time, and see everything that is going on always. How can you stand not knowing? -- Gail Carriger
The werewolf hit the exsanguination chamber in a vicious storm of fang and claw and began unceremoniously tearing everything apart. Including the scientists. -- Gail Carriger
Ivy returned his direct gaze with a particularly innocent smile. "The great advantage," she said, "of being thought silly, is that people forget and begin to think one might also be foolish. I may, Professor Lyall, be a trifle enthusiastic in my manner and dress, but I am no fool. -- Gail Carriger
Monique stood, arms akimbo, some six or seven paces away from Sophronia, and letting forth a scream of unadulterated anger, she hurled a cheese pie at Sophronia's head. -- Gail Carriger
I get really flowery and verbose in my adult books, but I don't think I dumb down my Y.A. It's just cleaner and more snappy. And the adult books have multiple points-of-view. In my Y.A., it's always third person from the main character's perspective. -- Gail Carriger
Hail to the Victorious Parasol! -- Gail Carriger
They filled Woolsey Castle with music and art, drifting about in a fog of intellectualism, and like any fog, they were unpredictable and occasionally quite damp. Imogene -- Gail Carriger
Alexia," she hissed to her friend, "there are knees positively everywhere. What do I do? -- Gail Carriger
His eyes are peculiar. There is nothing in them, like an eclair without the cream filling. It's wrong, lack of cream. -- Gail Carriger
You have been fraternizing with warewolves overmuch! Military men can be terribly bad for one's verbal concatenation! -- Gail Carriger
Tunstell was not what one could describe as call subtle. His flaming red hair bobbed up with each pointed and articulated footstep as though he were some cloaked Gothic villain creeping across a stage. -- Gail Carriger
I Preserve the nonviable embryo in formaldehyde for future study. Lord Maccon has been drinking my samples. When confronted, he admitted to be enjoying both the refreshing beverage and the 'crunchy pickled snack' as well. I was not pleased (Professor Lyall to Madame Lefoux) -- Gail Carriger
Miss Tarabotti felt such rules did not entirely apply to her, as she was a spinster. Had been a spinster for as long as she could remember. In her more acerbic moments, she felt she had been born a spinster. -- Gail Carriger
Rain, in your glorious presence, Miss Temminnick? I hardly think it should dare. -- Gail Carriger
This is not a cut, Felix. I must go fix something."
"Why is it always your problem to fix, Ria?"
"Because I see that there is a problem when no one else does. -- Gail Carriger
That woman," Lord Maccon spat,"is is definitely alpha and most certainly female. -- Gail Carriger
I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone. -- Gail Carriger
How often have I warned you against fraternizing with technology? -- Gail Carriger
She was not undead, mind you; she was a living, breathing human but was simply ... lacking. -- Gail Carriger
Well, I am terribly concerned for your health. One simply should not weigh so much at your age. Lady Maccon poked at a sagging carrot and wondered if anyone would miss her dear sister were she to be oh-so-gently tipped over the rail of the upper deck. -- Gail Carriger
Please, Lord Maccon, use one of the cups. My delicate sensibilities."
The earl actually snorted.
"My dear Miss Tarabotti, if you possessed any such things, you certainly have never shown them to me. -- Gail Carriger
Really, Sophronia, it makes me most uncomfortable how you manage to sort everything out every time I faint. -- Gail Carriger
Lyall understood a broken heart, but it could not be allowed to rumple perfectly good shirtwaists. -- Gail Carriger
Floote shot his other gun.
This time the bullet hit the man's chest. The vampire fell backward, crashed into a loaded display cabinet, and landed on the floor, making exactly the same sound a carpet makes when whacked to get the dust out. -- Gail Carriger
Saw your nicely strung-up slab of bacon." "Don't insult bacon," said Sidheag. -- Gail Carriger
Occasionally, if I am very confident in the establishment, I'll risk an egg salad on Dutch crunch, but I must be very confident indeed. -- Gail Carriger
Well, do be careful, my love. Poetry can cause irreparable harm when misapplied. -- Gail Carriger
Felicity and Evylin were both quite beautiful: pale insipid blondes with wide blue eyes and small rosebud mouths. Sadly, like their dear mama, they were not much more substantive than quite beautiful. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia found herself surrounded and embraced by a room of such unmitigated welcome and personality that it was akin to being yelled at by plum pudding. -- Gail Carriger
We like the shadows. That's where all the power is. -- Gail Carriger
There are words to describe her, my dear, but one does not repeat them in polite company. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia was not a particularly musical person, and her husband, a noted opera singer in his human days, had once described her bath time warbling as those of a deranged badger. -- Gail Carriger
My Hallway" remarked Lord Akeldama,"Has never seen such lively action. And That, my sugarplums, is saying something! -- Gail Carriger
She took a moment to lament her lack of parasol. Every time she left the house, she felt keenly the absence of her heretofore ubiquitous accessory. -- Gail Carriger
I suppose that saves us from having to determine what to do with a butler who goes around killing people. It certainly reflects badly upon our domestic staff. Still, I shall miss him. There was a man who knew how to brew a good cup of tea. -- Gail Carriger
Even children, Lady Linette said, must be allowed some time to conspire together. -- Gail Carriger
Oh." Sidheag wrinkled her nose. "Unimpressive. They have" - she gestured toward her own nether regions with one hand - "a sort of dangly sausage - lacks tailoring. -- Gail Carriger
You wrong me, Madame Lefoux. I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone." The -- Gail Carriger
Lord Maccon, might we have words on the proper tying of a cravat? For my sanity's sake?
Lord Maccon was nonplussed. Professor Lyall, on the other hand, was pained. "I do what I can." Lord Akeldama looked at him, pity in his eyes. "You are a brave man. -- Gail Carriger
I'm a Reuben kinda girl, but I'll take a BLT with avocado in a red hot minute if it comes on ciabatta. -- Gail Carriger
He might have lost his mind, but never his fashion sense. -- Gail Carriger
Lord Maccon looked up. "Grovel, you say?"
Lyall did not glance away from the latest vampire report he was perusing. "Grovel, my lord. -- Gail Carriger
Laughter is healing and helpful and fun, and I see my role as an entertainer, and I want readers to leave my books smiling. -- Gail Carriger
If there is gossip to be garnered, garner it. If there are new dress styles to be imitated, imitate them. If there are hearts to be broken, break them.
That's my girls. -- Gail Carriger
Now, remember, if there is gossip to be garnered, garner it. If there are new dress styles to be imitated, imitate them. If there are hearts to be broken, break them. -- Gail Carriger
If that Alpha wanted to dash off into the jungle with a mysterious goddess on her back on a whimsical evening run in the middle of a prospective battle, they would go with her. -- Gail Carriger
He has been mad for you these many months, ever since you prodded him in the nether regions with a hedgehog. -- Gail Carriger
I believe I liked it better when she was yelling at me. -- Gail Carriger
Mrs. Loontwill did what any well-prepared mother would do upon finding her unmarried daughter in the arms of a gentleman werewolf: she had very decorous, and extremely loud, hysterics. -- Gail Carriger
So, what do you think, my dear, will it be a girl or a boy?"
"It will be a soul-stealer, apparently."
"What!" The earl reared away from his wife and looked down at her suspiciously. -- Gail Carriger
Trust me, darling, it is never a good idea to have too many queens in one place, let alone one palace." "To -- Gail Carriger
She had to give her teachers credit: they were right to insist all pupils carry scissors, handkerchiefs, perfume and hair ribbons at all times. At some point she'd learn why they also required a red lace doily and a lemon. -- Gail Carriger
He nuzzled in at her neck kissing and licking her softly just below her ear. "Just a moment " he said. "I need a small reminder that you are here you are whole and you are mine. -- Gail Carriger
He was clutching at his indelicate bits and writhing about. -- Gail Carriger
But I don't want to be a vampire drone.' Sophronia winced. 'They'll suck my blood and make me wear only the very latest fashions. -- Gail Carriger
Running away was hardly a romantic pursuit. Except when one was running to Gretna Green. -- Gail Carriger
Torture?" Primrose's tone was thoughtful. "Cold tea?" "German poetry." Percy reached to a shelf and offered up an unpleasantly fat leather-bound volume. Rue was arrested. "There's such a thing as German poetry?" Primrose nodded seriously. "Yes. Save yourself. -- Gail Carriger
I like certain subgenres within science fiction and fantasy, and one of those is urban fantasy, and another is steampunk. -- Gail Carriger
I am entirely capable."
"Of what, waddling up to someone and ruthlessly bumping into them? -- Gail Carriger
It had taken her a good deal of time before she believed that she was worth all that fierce affection he lavished upon her. To have it stolen away unjustly was that much more cruel. -- Gail Carriger
He ... boasted an unassuming mustache, which was perched atop his upper lip cautiously, as though it were slightly embarrassed to be there and would like to slide away and become a sideburn or something more fashionable. -- Gail Carriger
She boasted the general battle-ax demeanor of an especially strict governess. This was the kind of woman who took her tea black, smoked cigars after midnight, played a mean game of cribbage, and kept a bevy of repulsive little dogs.
Alexia liked her immediately. -- Gail Carriger
Here, I stole it for you. Why don't you tell me what it's for."
"Aw, Sophronia, how thoughtful. You brought me a present! -- Gail Carriger
A vampire, like a lady, never reveals his true age. -- Gail Carriger
I had a recent delivery of new fashion plates from Paris, and you hardly glanced at the hairstyles. My husband tells me you are still having difficulty controlling the change. And your cravat has been tied very simply of late, even for evening events. -- Gail Carriger
Felix ran his hands through his dark hair, sounding like a resigned maiden aunt. 'It'll all end in tears and coal dust, you see if it doesn't. -- Gail Carriger
Captain Niall, having apparently resigned himself to losing his quarry, was savaging her horsehair petticoat into teeny, tiny shreds.
Really, what did my poor petticoat do to offend? -- Gail Carriger
Hello, princess," said Lord Maccon to the vampire.
"Got yourself into quite a pickle this time, didn't you?"
Lord Akeldama looked him up and down. "My sweet young naked boy, you are hardly one to talk. Not that I mind, of course. -- Gail Carriger
Why Alexia that is quite beautiful. It does ot reflect your customary taste at all approved Miss Hisselpenny with glee. Trust Ivy to like the hideous thing for it's looks. -- Gail Carriger
Ivy Hisselpenny was the unfortunate victim of circumstances that dictated she be only-just-pretty, only-just-wealthy, and possessed of a terrible propensity for wearing extremely silly hats. -- Gail Carriger
Everyone's secrets are coming to light tonight, thought Sophronia, wondering how she had missed this little facet of inter-teacher dynamics. -- Gail Carriger
It is a valuable thing for an intelligencer to be forgotten. -- Gail Carriger
No, miss, friendship would be a finish. -- Gail Carriger
Are you certain they will manage without me?" "We will be back in only a few hours. How bad can it get?" "Don't tempt fate, my love. -- Gail Carriger
Felix looked as if he had been given some kind of caped weasel - part gift, part insult, part utter confusion. Thank you, I think. -- Gail Carriger
Really, Alexia, what could have possessed you to attach yourself to the side of the ship in such a juvenile fashion? It is positively barnacle-like. -- Gail Carriger
A man was attacking me with a wet handkerchief. -- Gail Carriger
What on earth could we girls possibly learn from a werewolf?" Sophronia wondered.
"How to keep a hat on no matter what the circumstances?" hazarded Dimity. -- Gail Carriger
Lady Maccon cogitated. She would like to encourage this new spirit of social-mindedness. If Felicity needed anything in her life, it was a cause. Then she might stop nitpicking everyone else. -- Gail Carriger
Gavin tried not to stare at the lobster. He decided not to inquire further. Whatever Jack's reasoning, best to accept that crustaceans were necessary to his view of the world. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, now, Ria, you malign me. I'm as honest as a rose garden is beautiful."
"And as full of dung," replied Sophronia without missing a beat. -- Gail Carriger
The redhead looked back and forth between them with dread in her eyes. Oh, dear, scheming. I was afraid this would happen if we got chummy again. -- Gail Carriger
It was like trying to have a conversation with a distracted and very soggy scone. Every time he pushed in one direction the earl either oozed or crumbled. -- Gail Carriger
Most people in archeology find their specialties in strange and unique ways. I always wanted to do archaeology, and then the time came for me to actually be in the field, and it was excruciatingly boring. Excavation is really, really boring. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, do shove off, Lady Bling. I was thinking some rather important thoughts before you interrupted me. -- Gail Carriger
Rail is such an undignified way to travel. All that rapid racing about. Floating has so much more gravitas. -- Gail Carriger
Trust is a lot to ask of someone. -- Gail Carriger
Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter. -- Gail Carriger
Your daughter would like to know if you are still going insane, dear." Paw considered this. "I've been married to your mother for over two decades. You might allow me certain dispensation for eccentricity. -- Gail Carriger
Your father, madam, was fully cremated. I made absolutely certain."
Alexia swallowed silently and then said fervently, "Thank you, Floote. -- Gail Carriger
Most of the names in my books have secondary meaning. Sometimes they foreshadow; sometimes they tell you about the character's origin or back story. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, Sophronia, thank goodness. Save me? Please? All those young girls, in pastels, talking about the weather. I shall go jump off a bridge, I swear I shall. Do you have bridges in Wiltshire? They chatter, they chatter worse than Dimity ever did. Oh, the chattering! The chattering, it haunts me. -- Gail Carriger
We're a team like tea and milk, or cake and custard, or pork and apple. -- Gail Carriger
Not Alec Weebs? Never! Biffy was appreciatively shocked. -- Gail Carriger
Acknowledgements
With grateful thanks to the three least-appreciated and hardest-working proselytizers of the written word: independent bookstores, librarians, and teachers. -- Gail Carriger
My absolute favorite food of all time is alpaca. -- Gail Carriger
It didn't feel sporting to shoot at a crazy person, even if that person was a vampire who'd agreed to the job. -- Gail Carriger
Lord Maccon, being Lord Maccon and good at such things, then changed, right there in the Thames, from dog-paddling wolf to large man treading water. He did so flawlessly, so that his head never went under the water. Professor Lyall suspected him of practicing such maneuvers in the bathtub. -- Gail Carriger
The Earl of Woolsey glared at her. "Cheap clothing is no excuse for killing a man." "Mmm, that's what you say. -- Gail Carriger
Biffy didn't like enigmas - they were out of fashion. -- Gail Carriger
I like fish," chirruped Tunstell.
"Really, Mr. Tunstell? What is your preferred breed?"
"Well"
Tunstell hesitated
"you know, the um, ones that"
he made a swooping motion with both hands
"uh, swim. -- Gail Carriger
The important question is, what will your wear for a wedding dress, Alexia? You look horrible in white. -- Gail Carriger
She had dimples as well as ringlets, most distressing -- Gail Carriger
No, what's a man like down there?"
"Oh." Sidheag wrinkled her nose. "Unimpressive. They have - "she gestured towards her own nether regions with one hand - "a sort of dangly sausage - lacks tailoring."
"Really?"
"Yes, like it wasn't fitted into its casing properly. And hairy. -- Gail Carriger
Lord Akeldama never did anything by halves, especially if he might double it at three times the expense. -- Gail Carriger
I consider science fiction and fantasy my genre. And I've noticed over the years that there doesn't tend to be a lot of lighthearted, comedic stuff. -- Gail Carriger
Professor Lyall, cursing his Alpha for departing so precipitously, balled up the piece of paper and, after minor consideration for the delicacy of the information it contained, ate it. -- Gail Carriger
Felicity grimaced in agreement. No, you are perfectly correct. I did not realize how vital the approbation of one's butler is in allowing for nocturnal autonomy. -- Gail Carriger
She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment. -- Gail Carriger
Uh, my lord, I am not actually food. You do realize this, yes? -- Gail Carriger
I have always been hers. Although she is taking her time accepting it." "I -- Gail Carriger
Sidheag could be quite crass, the result of having been raised by men, or Scots, or soldiers, or werewolves, or all four. -- Gail Carriger
Werewolves had to obey the laws of physics just like everyone else. The -- Gail Carriger
Felix Mersey might be the cream of the aristocracy, but in the boiler room Soap was undisputed king - grimy empire though it might be. -- Gail Carriger
But we were talking about me and my problems."
Sophronia looked Monique up and down gravely.
"I don't think we're going to solve those in the space of one carriage ride. -- Gail Carriger
I like powerful women, and I gravitate to any point in history when a female has significant power. I can spend hours researching any such amazing lady, from Ching Shih to Hatshepsut to Boudica to Zenobia. -- Gail Carriger
It was a constant source of amazement to Alexia that the only thing she had ever done in her entire life that pleased her mama was marry a werewolf. -- Gail Carriger
Goodness gracious me,' exclaimed Alexia, 'what are you wearing? It looks like the unfortunate progeny of an illicit union between a pair of binoculars and some opera glasses. What on earth are they called, binocticals, spectoculars? -- Gail Carriger
Let us be perfectly clear here," said Squire Loontwill. "You are willing to marry our Alexia, even though she is ... well ... ," he floundered. Felicity came to his rescue. "Old." Evylin added, "And plain." "And tan," said Felicity. The squire continued. "And so extraordinarily assertive. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia blinked stupidly at the Beta from around the earl's upper arm. Her heart was doing crazy things, and she still could not locate her kneecaps. She took a deep breath and put some serious attention into tracking them down. -- Gail Carriger
How did that saying go? Alexia wondered. Ah, yes, "Brash as an American." Well, they had won their independence somehow, and it was not with politeness. -- Gail Carriger
Conall,"
"Aye, Alexia?" He looked up at her. Was that fear in his caramel eyes?
"I am going to take advantage of you," she said -- Gail Carriger
Alexia found her voice. Couldn't I just whack him once? Just a little one, over the head? He would hardly notice. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia was rather strapping. He preferred her that way. Undersized women reminded him of yippy dogs. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia sighed. "It is times like this I wish I could talk to my mother."
"Good gracious, what good would that do, madam?" Floote was moved to speak by the outrageousness of Alexia's statement.
"Well, whatever she said, I could simply take the opposite point of view. -- Gail Carriger
The vampire's eyes were open, and he was staring at her intently. It was as though he were trying to speak to her with simply the power of a glare.
Alexia did not speak glare-ish. -- Gail Carriger
Just a short visit, enough for a mild dismemberment? -- Gail Carriger
You do realise modern social mores exist for a reason?"
"I was hungry, allowances should be made. -- Gail Carriger
Well, if I must, fine. I'll guard the retreat," said Alexia. "Buy us some time." "What, in a clock shop? -- Gail Carriger
Ever since her trip with Alexia to Scotland, Mrs. Tunstell had rather a taste for foreign travel. Alexia blamed it on the kilts. -- Gail Carriger
Ah, Lady Maccon, how lovely. I did wonder when you would track us down."
"I was unavoidably delayed by husbands and Ivys," explained Alexia.
"These things, regrettably, are bound to occur when one is married and befriended. -- Gail Carriger
Ah, Ivy, thought Alexia happily, spreading a verbal fog wherever she goes. -- Gail Carriger
But Alexia's scent was something else, something ... not meat. She smelled warm and spicy sweet, like some old-fashioned Italian pastry his body could no longer process but whose taste he remembered and craved. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia, did you know there is an entire regiment decamping on your front lawn?
Laddy Maccon sighed. Really, Ivy, I would never have noticed. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia abhorred hypocrisy, especially when munitions were involved. -- Gail Carriger
Mrs. Loontwill's face, that of a pretty woman who had aged without realizing it, screwed itself up into a grimace Alexia supposed was meant to simulate motherly concern. Instead she looked like a Pekingese with digestive complaints. -- Gail Carriger
Ooo," said Alexia, fascinated, "it shrinks back down again. The books didn't detail that occurrence."
The earl laughed. "You must show me these books of yours. -- Gail Carriger
How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all. -- Gail Carriger
He could not stand Alexia Tarabotti, even if her lovely brown eyes twinkled when she laughed, and she smelled good, and she had a particularly splendid figure. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia had, in part, compensated for a lack of soul through the liberal application of manners. This was rather like donning an outfit consisting entirely of accessories, but Alexia maintained that proper conduct was never a bad thing. -- Gail Carriger
He was awfully good at being aristocratic. Alexia, on the other hand, was only good at being autocratic. Not quite the same thing. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia gave in to his demanding touch, but only, of course, because he sounded so pathetic. It had nothing, whatsoever to do with her own quickening heartbeat. -- Gail Carriger
Really, Channing," remonstrated Alexia, "did you have to eat the man's dog? I am convinced you will experience terrible indigestion. -- Gail Carriger
Even Alexia, spinster that she was, was given an allowance large enough to dress her to the height of fashion - although she did tend to stick to trends a little too precisely. The poor thing could not help it. Her choice of clothing simply lacked soul. -- Gail Carriger
She investigated further: moving along with little kisses down his throat and over his collarbone until she came to the same location on his neck that on hers was currently a decorative black and blue color. She bit him. Hard. Alexia never did anything by halves. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, Alexia. I do not mean to be forward, but I really must venture: I simply loathe Mr. Tunstell. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia had spent long hours wondering over that mustache. Werewolves did not grow hair, as they did not age. Where had it come from? Had he always had it? For how many centuries had his poor abused upper lip labored under the burden of such vegetation? -- Gail Carriger
Alexia seemed to recall hearing one matron complain that the Italians were very passionate in their support of balls. -- Gail Carriger
Which was why, some six hours later, Alexia Maccon's daughter was born inside the head of an octomaton in the presence of her husband, a comatose werewolf dandy, and a French inventor. -- Gail Carriger
What have I done thins time? he paused to ask before continuing with his oral expedition about her body: her husband, the intrepid explorer. -- Gail Carriger
The tea, once it arrived, had its customary effect - engendering comfort and loosening the tongue. That's tea for you, thought Sophronia, the great social lubricant. -- Gail Carriger
Is there no peace for the naked?" Sister Mattie wore a bed cap of sensible white lace.
"I think you mean peace for the wicked," corrected Lady Linette ...
"Why would that apply?" asked Sister Mattie, before closing her door on both the problem and the noise. -- Gail Carriger
Well, you are a werewolf, Scottish, naked, and covered in blood, and I am still holding your hand." He -- Gail Carriger
Fifteen minutes later, what she got was the most remarkable thing she had ever seen in her life. And Rue had once witnessed a whole party of American tourists actually refuse to drink tea, in a London teahouse, so that's saying something. The -- Gail Carriger
In a desperate bid to reestablish civilized talk and decorum, Miss Hisselpenny said, quite loudly, I see they are bringing in the fish course. What a pleasant surprise. I do so love fish. Don't you Mr., uh, Dubh. It is so very, um, salty. -- Gail Carriger
I have died and gone to the land of bad novels. -- Gail Carriger
Can you imagine...the detrimental effect on your marriage prospects, to be found unchaperoned in a library with a dead vampire! -- Gail Carriger
Her expression was that of a woman with multiple children who was no longer surprised by anything they did, up to and including arriving home from finishing school in an airdinghy. -- Gail Carriger
This was the kind of woman who took her tea black, smoked cigars after midnight, played a mean game of cribbage, and kept a bevy of repulsive little dogs. -- Gail Carriger
Mortals trotted about in shoes and corsets made to limit movement, fashion for prey. -- Gail Carriger
How was I to know idiocy was only a temporary condition, especially in your case? It never has been before! -- Gail Carriger
Where were the scientific pamphlets that taught a woman how to listen to herself die? -- Gail Carriger
I suspect it may be like the difference between a drinker and an alcoholic; the one merely reads books, the other needs books to make it through the day.
(Interview with The Booklovers blog, September 2010) -- Gail Carriger
It was their vampire teacher's custom of late to administer decidedly oddball lessons. Which is to say, more oddball than an ordinary lesson with a vampire in a floating dirigible espionage school. -- Gail Carriger
The burden of a spy, Lord Akeldama always said, was not in the knowing of things but in knowing when to tell such things to others. -- Gail Carriger
It'll all end in tears and oil. -- Gail Carriger
What if I arrange to be around Lord Akeldama during the full moon?"
The earl looked daggers.
"I am certain he would be extremely helpful in a fight. He could ruthlessly flatter all your attackers into abject submission. -- Gail Carriger
As if being a former vampire drone in a werewolf household were not shocking enough, the maid then opened her mouth and proved that she was also, quite reprehensibly, French. -- Gail Carriger
Floote, what is going on? Do they think I
am contagious? Should I assure them I was
born with a nose this size? -- Gail Carriger
Oh, Herbert," she said pleadingly to her silent husband, "you must make him marry her! Call for the parson immediately! Look at them ... they are ... ," she sputtered, "canoodling! -- Gail Carriger
Look at the plucky young thing! She is trying to make a funny, said Lord Ambrose snidely. -- Gail Carriger
Can't you tell from the hair and the cheekbones? Humans don't grow that beautiful. Not outside of Denmark, anyway. -- Gail Carriger
A lady is never disreputable in public, unless intended for manipulation of sympathies. -- Gail Carriger
As for genre, my adult books are usually filed under science fiction / fantasy, although some stores put them into romance, and few have stuck them into horror. I consider all my books a mix of steampunk and urban fantasy. -- Gail Carriger
Well, let me go and wake Soap."
"Oh, no need to disturb him."
"Course there's need. Why do you think I was set to watch the hatch? Waiting on the ghost of boilers past? He'll box my ears if I don't tell him you came. -- Gail Carriger
I think we seldom regret the risks we take as much as the times we did not try at all. -- Gail Carriger
If anyone saw Monique, a well-dressed woman of quality, dangling from the doorway, they apparently assumed everyone had difficulties in life and moved on. -- Gail Carriger
Ivy waved the wet handkerchief, as much as to say, words cannot possibly articulate my profound distress. Then, because Ivy never settled for meaningful gestures when verbal embellishments could compound the effect, she said, Words cannot possibly articulate my profound distress. -- Gail Carriger
His eyes were jet-colored circles of perpetual disapproval. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, dear me, no. Then I should be known as that vampire with all the cats. -- Gail Carriger
away from the ocean, heading toward the -- Gail Carriger
Things were always funnier when one was lying down. -- Gail Carriger
I'm Scottish," as if that would explain everything. The duke nodded, as if it did. "Yes, well, we can't all be from the right side of the country. Would -- Gail Carriger
As much as she was enjoying it, Dimity would always rather talk about reading than actually read. -- Gail Carriger
I must send a beard to rescue a mustache! -- Gail Carriger
Soap understood her. Soap would always understand. -- Gail Carriger
Why did you want to go and distract me like that? I was quite in my element and everything.' Conall laughed. 'Someone has to keep you off balance; otherwise you'll end up ruling the empire. Or at least ordering it into wretched submission. -- Gail Carriger
Sometimes I can even pick up messages intended for other aethographors." He frowned a moment. "Story of my life, if you think about it. -- Gail Carriger
These feelings you engender in me, my lord, are most indelicate. You should stop causing them immediately. -- Gail Carriger
To be stupid was one thing; to be stupid and evil yielded up untidy consequences. -- Gail Carriger
Too many things were going on in her head at once, and it was causing her eyes to leak. -- Gail Carriger
He dinna act like an Alpha."
"He does in some areas. -- Gail Carriger
Who suffers more, the gentleman in the badly tied cravat or those who must look upon him? -- Gail Carriger
She ought to remember to stay on her guard, for it was when an illegal activity became easy that one was most at risk of exposure. -- Gail Carriger
As a field archeologist, one usually has to specialize in a particular part of the world or specific culture, whereas if one is a materials specialist, one can jump around to different areas. So I've had experience on excavations all over the place. -- Gail Carriger
Felicity was horrible and snide, but then Felicity had been a repulsive earwig ever since she first grew a vocabulary. -- Gail Carriger
Footwear, after all, was a serious commitment. -- Gail Carriger
It seems to me that Halloween is the perfect time to get all over steampunk. -- Gail Carriger
Pretty as a pineapple," pronounced -- Gail Carriger
Knowing Miss Hisselpenny's constitution, if the mummy were gruesome enough, dinner might just be revisited. -- Gail Carriger
What's wrong with you? Are you ill? I forbid you to be ill, wife. -- Gail Carriger
Such poopitations of the heart as you would not believe. -- Gail Carriger
The duke contents himself mainly with attempting to rule the world and other suchlike nonsense. When one is guiding the patterns of the social universe, a single spinster preternatural is unlikely to cause one undue distress. -- Gail Carriger
Professor Braithwope was undergoing a very dangerous test indeed. For queen and country, the potentate had said. For science, Sophronia thought. -- Gail Carriger
Scotsmen, she had occasion to observe, often did have nice knees. Perhaps that was why they insisted upon kilts. -- Gail Carriger
Some of the most disagreeable people I know are the most ladylike. -- Gail Carriger
Stupid little boys should learn to use guns and not wave them around. -- Gail Carriger
Lyall's face went deadpan as he relayed the details, as those who are tortured or raped will become when they retell the pattern of abuse -- Gail Carriger
He figured someday he might win an argument with this extraordinary woman, but clearly today was not that day. Did -- Gail Carriger
The mechanimal sat back on his haunches and sent a puff of smoke at her, tail wagging back and forth hopefully. -- Gail Carriger
Excellent. Ignorance is most undervalued in a student. -- Gail Carriger
My petal.
Westminster's toy had tea issues. Thank Biffy and Lyall. Toodle pip.
A. -- Gail Carriger
He wants to know why my marks aren't better. Why I don't speak fluent French. Why I can't kill a fully grown man with a nutcracker. -- Gail Carriger
For you, it's gossip. For me, it's action. -- Gail Carriger
We are an institution of high learning and higher manners. We simply cannot shoot first; it isn't done. Now, remember that, Miss Temminnick, do - a lady never shoots first. She asks questions, then she shoots. -- Gail Carriger
A woman, even a married woman, cannot float without proper escort. It is simply not done. -- Gail Carriger
I thought you were no longer tempted to partake."
"I wasn't, until Preshea came along and stole him away from me."
"Dimity!"
"Well, it's true. I'm a terribly, terribly shallow person."
Pillover nodded into his gruel. -- Gail Carriger
Biffy was tolerably more disturbed by the fact that he had developed a cowlick while sleeping that would to lie flat no matter what he did. -- Gail Carriger
Madame Lefoux accepted a cup of tea and sat on another little settee, next to the relocated calico cat. The cat clearly believed Madame Lefoux was there to provide chin scratches. Madame Lefoux provided. -- Gail Carriger
The dirigible came to rest as lightly as a butterfly on an egg, if the butterfly were to stumble a bit and list heavily to one side and the egg to take on the peculiar characteristics of Scotland in winter: more soggy and more gray than one would think possible. -- Gail Carriger
She hasn't caught a slight fatality, has she? -- Gail Carriger
I simply feel that world domination is not my cup of tea. Is that shortsighted? -- Gail Carriger
One should do what one is best at on as large a scale as possible. -- Gail Carriger
You are about as covert as a sledgehammer. -- Gail Carriger
Stop playing verbal games with me, madam, or I shall go out into that ballroom, find your mother, and bring her here -- Gail Carriger
This is madness. Oh, well. -- Gail Carriger
There is an art to irritation that only few of us can achieve. -- Gail Carriger
CHAPTER TWO In Which Inventors Have Powerful Dimples Imogene -- Gail Carriger
Sophronia was minding her own business and running late to luncheon, as was her custom. She'd let to learn the advantage of punctuality. As she told Sister Mattie the third time she was late to household potions and poisons, nothing interesting happened until after an event commenced. -- Gail Carriger
I'm overburdened by strange occurrences at the moment. -- Gail Carriger
Fact. Of course, she always went and spoiled the appeal by opening her mouth. In his humble experience, the world had yet to produce a more vexingly verbose female. -- Gail Carriger
In the end you'll have to cede to Lord Mersey. He's too much of a peer, you understand? And a bit of a prick as well. -- Gail Carriger
He was so very large and so very gruff that he rather terrified her, but he always behaved correctly in public, and there was a lot to be said for a man who sported such well-tailored jackets
even if he did change into a ferocious beast once a month. -- Gail Carriger
Tunstell was revoltingly bouncy, and Floote had refused to accompany them to Scotland on the grounds that he might be suffocated by an overabundance of bustle. -- Gail Carriger
At such close range, even she could hit a vampire full force in the shoulder, surprising him considerably. He paused in his attack. Well, my word! You can't threaten me, you're pregnant! -- Gail Carriger
Very well, Lord Maccon. If we are going to play this particular hand, would you be interested in becoming my ... " "Mistress? -- Gail Carriger
The bowl landed, in glorious perfection, atop the head of Mrs Barnaclegoose, who was not the kind of woman to appreciate the finer points of being crowned by trifle. -- Gail Carriger
No, Lord Maccon was riproaring, tumble down, without a doubt, pickled beyond the gherkin. -- Gail Carriger
Could that technique, she wondered, be legitimately referred to as a "parassault"? -- Gail Carriger
With his wife's imperious face peering down at him, Lord Maccon took a moment to wonder why he had thought to crave such a woman in his life. Alexia bent over and nibbled at his chest. Ah, yes, initiative and ingenuity. -- Gail Carriger
As Dimity said, Sidheag surely does grumpy old man very well for a sixteen-year-old girl. -- Gail Carriger
At least half my writing time is spent researching. So for every hour I'm actually clicking on the keyboard, I'm spending another hour trying to figure out some tiny detail I need answered. -- Gail Carriger
What's that?" she asked the girl, wrinkling her nose.
"Oh, that? That's just Pillover."
"And what's a pillover, when it's at home?"
"My little brother."
"Ah, I commiserate. I have several of my own. Dashed inconvenient, brothers. -- Gail Carriger
No wife ever cleared a man's character, not without a great deal of trouble on the lower decks. So -- Gail Carriger
Well, proud Mary's fat arse! -- Gail Carriger
How have I never noticed she only required praise to find me acceptable? wondered Sophronia, not quite realizing that this, too, was a mark of her new education. Many was the lady whose belief in another's sound judgment was based solely upon that other judging her favorably. -- Gail Carriger
Professor Braithwope, shimmering out of his room fully clothed and dapper. His mustache was a fluffy caterpillar of curiosity, perched and ready to inquire, dragging the vampire along behind it on the investigation. -- Gail Carriger
Evil genius-ness was like that--showy. -- Gail Carriger
Lyall had spent centuries nibbling about the great layered cake that was polite society while Lord Akeldama acted the part of the frosting on its top. -- Gail Carriger
Pestom madam."
"Yes, Floote, that! Brilliant. Full of garlic." To illustrate her point, she took another mouthful before continuing. "Seems they put garlic in positively everything here. Absolutely fantastic. -- Gail Carriger
So this pesto I enjoy so much is really an infamous Italian antisupernatural weapon? -- Gail Carriger
Ivy was particularly adept at being ignorant but could cause extensive havoc with the smallest scrap of information. -- Gail Carriger
History wasn't precisely revered for its accuracy at the best of times. -- Gail Carriger
I believe there is a considerable range in the bang of most guns. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, Professor Lyall, are you making a funny? It doesn't suit you."
The sandy-haired Beta gave Lady Maccon a dour look. "I am exploring new personality avenues."
"Well, stop it."
"Yes, my lady. -- Gail Carriger
I'd rather be loyal than right. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, my giddy aunt! -- Gail Carriger
The ill-informed masses included her own family among their ranks, a family that specialized in being both inconvenient and asinine. -- Gail Carriger
Her heart was beating a marathon somewhere in the region of her throat, her skin felt hot and stretched taut over her bones, and she was damp in places she was tolerably certain unmarried gentlewomen were not supposed to be damp in. -- Gail Carriger
He wielded verbal italics as if they were capable of actual bodily harm. -- Gail Carriger
Perched in one corner, like some sort of ship's figurehead, was an oddly sinister wicker chicken. It frowned down upon her with an air of chubby disdain. -- Gail Carriger
Mr Lefoux, would you fetch Prim for me? She seems to have been kilted." Quesnel -- Gail Carriger
Alec didn't normally consider himself a violent man, but sometimes, arms simply needed to be removed. -- Gail Carriger
But wait. What blood from yonder mortal drips?" Lord Akeldama misquoted. -- Gail Carriger
Their conversation was a flow of erudite commentary, moist with the syrup of a superior education. She -- Gail Carriger
Do not trouble me with such weak excuses -- Gail Carriger
The monkeys, she explained, were considered reincarnated politicians, which made Rue laugh and the stick entirely understandable. -- Gail Carriger
Spoo looked at the funny little necklace doubtfully. "That's all?"
"And ask if I can have my dress and shoes back, would you? And Mr Lefoux's hat, perhaps?"
Spoo looked scandalised. "I don't think I want to know. -- Gail Carriger
A ball, at last! Dimity Plumleigh-Teignmott sank back into her chair in delight. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, Major, you do so love to annoy, don't you?"
"It is the stuff of living, my lady. -- Gail Carriger
Like to go somewhere more private and be scandalous some more? -- Gail Carriger
Where does one purchase a mustache in London? Fleet Street? -- Gail Carriger
The Gamma paused. "You have a crazed werewolf in your wine cellar?"
"You can think of a better place to stash him?"
"What about the wine? -- Gail Carriger
One could not blame a people for disliking vampires. Vampires were like brussels sprouts - not for everyone and impossible to improve upon with sauce. -- Gail Carriger
What did you do?" "Well, you see, there was this pot of tea, simply sitting there ... " He trailed off.
"Useful thing, tea," commented Lyall thoughtfully. -- Gail Carriger
But there is a sign!" objected Primrose in semi-shock. "A sign indicating pets aren't permitted. Really, some people. -- Gail Carriger
I like to spoof the original Gothic classics, so there is also good dose of comedy in the 'Parasol Protectorate' - giggling readers are good. -- Gail Carriger
Please don't. When you think about things, Sophronia, they only get more complicated. This thing between us could be so very easy, if you let it. -- Gail Carriger
You know vampires and solicitors - practically indistinguishable. -- Gail Carriger
A girl wearing a wicker chicken and playing the harp bopped me with a book about buns and then stuffed me under a piano. -- Gail Carriger
Monsters came in all shapes and sizes, and very few of them were actually supernatural. She -- Gail Carriger
Alphas simply did not grovel; arrogance was part of the job description. -- Gail Carriger
Falling out of the sky was one thing, but doing so for unknown reasons was quite unacceptable. Having -- Gail Carriger
Someone was trying to kill Lady Alexia Maccon. It was most inconvenient, as she was in a dreadful hurry. -- Gail Carriger
Madame Lefoux shrugged. I do not know about that, my lady. I mean to say, one's life is one thing; one's technology is an entirely different matter. -- Gail Carriger
Always, there was a tiny part of her that wanted to kill any man she knew. On principle. -- Gail Carriger
What she said was I want a man who stays out of my way. -- Gail Carriger
Lady Maccon wondered if she had ever been so foolish over Lord Maccon. Then she recalled that her affection generally took the form of threats and verbal barbs. She gave herself a pat on the back for avoiding sentimentality. -- Gail Carriger
She's kind of like an odd, loud, fierce fairy godmother, isn't she? -- Gail Carriger
I never read if I can help it. It is terribly bad for the eyes. And it causes one's forehead to wrinkle most horribly, just there. -- Gail Carriger
[She] lost her patience, a thing she was all too prone to misplacing. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia wondered what it said about her character that Ivy had genuinely believed she would intentionally go climbing about the side of a floating dirigible. -- Gail Carriger
Death can be jolly well inconvenient, if you ask me. -- Gail Carriger
Dirigibles were all well and good if one wanted to waft about the countryside, taking in views. Gavin wanted his tea. And not to have to kill Lady Villentia. But tea first. The -- Gail Carriger
Ah, no, deployment was delayed after you left. Technical difficulties."
"Oh?"
"Yes, it was technically difficult to leave a heartbroken Alpha. -- Gail Carriger
Lady Maccon declined in horror. She enjoyed most foods, but brussels sprouts were nothing more than underdeveloped cabbages. -- Gail Carriger
Her hair was wild, her eyes were flashing, and her tattered underskirts floated around her. She looked like a glorious avenging goddess from some ancient erotic myth. -- Gail Carriger
That's a very murky position," objected Felix.
"So's the weather. But this is England, we must learn to live with uncertainty. -- Gail Carriger
He also seemed to speak predominantly in italics. -- Gail Carriger
She moved with such purpose it was as though she walked with exclamation marks. -- Gail Carriger
Rue was not above fabricating fate, if it would not be tempted. -- Gail Carriger
Professor Lyall said, "His lordship did say something about dealing with an embarrassing family emergency." "Am I not family?" wondered Lady Maccon. To which Lyall muttered under his breath, "And often embarrassing. -- Gail Carriger
Dewan ex machina -- Gail Carriger
They never could entirely control preternaturals. It's your pragmatism. Your kind cannot be persuaded by faith; pure logic must be applied. -- Gail Carriger
Countess Nadasdy served the tea. Miss Tarabotti took hers with milk, Miss Dair took hers with lemon, and the vampires took theirs with a dollop of blood -- Gail Carriger
She also had a French accent, which hundreds of years of animosity had trained nice young Englishwomen to suspect as evil. -- Gail Carriger
Highland werewolves had a reputation for doing atrocious and highly unwarranted *things*, like wearing smoking jackets to the dinner table. -- Gail Carriger
A vampire attacked me last night. Ivy pretended a faint. -- Gail Carriger
Don't you think it's about time you sobered up?"
"Wait, lemme ponder that." Lord Maccon paused, as though giving the matter deep consideration. "Nope. -- Gail Carriger
Listen to me, my deadly little pearl. Choose love. Always choose love. If the decision is between love and anything else, choose love." "And -- Gail Carriger
I may be a werewolf and Scottish, but despite what you may have read about both, we are not cads! -- Gail Carriger
They poured out the lower doors and windows of the castle, howling to the skies. They evolved into a kind of cohesive moving liquid, flowing down the hillside as one silvered blob, like mercury on a scientist's palm. -- Gail Carriger
I am rather fond of ladybugs. They are so delightfully hemispherical. -- Gail Carriger
Steampunk is ... the love child of Hot Topic and a BBC costume drama -- Gail Carriger
After four marriages, and four deaths, she had everything in life a woman might desire: titled position, swollen coffers, the freedom to travel, and a world that accepted her because it was afraid of her. -- Gail Carriger
Truth be told, even with Sophronia's arm muscles, vampires could hurl her a great deal farther than Sophronia could hurl vampires. A great tragedy of life, no doubt. The -- Gail Carriger
It looks like you managed to build your own pack, anyway, my dear. A parasol protectorate, perhaps one might say. -- Gail Carriger
Shut your cake hole, you revolting young blot. -- Gail Carriger
Sheep?"
"Sheep."
"Sheep!"
...
"Yes, as in baaaa. -- Gail Carriger
It's no good choosing your first husband from a school for evil geniuses. Much too difficult to kill. -- Gail Carriger
Biffy said, off the cuff, "Or we could find a replacement queen."
"Volunteering for the position?"
"Why, Professor, is that wittiness I detect?"
"Only for you."
"Charmer." Biffy tapped him on the arm playfully. -- Gail Carriger
When all else fails, dress beautifully and throw your food. -- Gail Carriger
Spin the parasol three times and repeat after me: I shield in the name of fashion. I accessorize for one and all. Pursuit of truth is my passion. This I vow by the great parasol. -- Gail Carriger
Only in a library did she feel completely capable of collecting her finer feelings and recuperating from such a wearying day. -- Gail Carriger
How did we go from tea to death so quickly?" wondered Quesnel. "Sometimes," said Prim darkly, "there is a very fine line between the two." "There's -- Gail Carriger
Bland, good as a side dish, but really only palatable when there is nothing better available. -- Gail Carriger
A lady must always be prepared. Snacks are an essential part of espionage. Sophronia -- Gail Carriger
It's all very well to be an intellectual, but one shouldn't let other see. That's embarrassing. -- Gail Carriger
It's simply, gentlemen" - and when she raised her dark eyes they had a slight sheen in them - "I would so like something useful to do. -- Gail Carriger
Alexia figured, delightedly, that this meant he did, in fact, tend to traipse around his private apartments in the altogether. Marriage was becoming more and more of an attractive prospect. -- Gail Carriger
The greatest unwritten law of the supernatural set was that one simply didn't steal someone else's human. -- Gail Carriger
Algebra was far more interesting when it was a matter of proportioning out mutton chops so as to poison only half of one's dinner guests and then determining the relative value of purchasing a more expensive, yet more effective, antidote over a home remedy. -- Gail Carriger
Lord Maccon was Scottish-big; this gentleman was only English-big - there was a distinct difference. -- Gail Carriger
I love stand-up comics, particularly those who have embraced podcasting. -- Gail Carriger
I pretty much will do anything for a laugh. -- Gail Carriger
Many a gentleman had likened his first meeting with her to downing a very strong cognac when one was expecting to imbibe fruit juice - that is to say, startling and apt to leave one with a distinct burning sensation. No, -- Gail Carriger
Werewolves have been susceptible to the gentler sex for as long as I can remember, and that is a very long time, indeed. -- Gail Carriger
Classic author moment, Oh dear, did I kill that character or not? -- Gail Carriger
Shame on you! Bad vampire. -- Gail Carriger
Show her I am a man of deeds, not lobsters, -- Gail Carriger
As with most things in life, Lady Maccon preferred the civilized exterior to the dark underbelly (with the exception of pork products, of course.) -- Gail Carriger
The French inventor told the acting troupe about Lord Maccon's death. -- Gail Carriger
Oh, Lady Maccon, I am unreservedly in love with her. That black hair, that sweet disposition, those capital hats. -- Gail Carriger
Cats were not, in her experience, an animal with much soul. Prosaic, practical little creatures as a general rule. It would suit her very well to be thought catlike. -- Gail Carriger
I do hold very strongly that tea is better in England. There's something in the milk. They must have special cows. -- Gail Carriger
I've brought you Byron--always makes things better. -- Gail Carriger
There was no way she was staying trapped with tea at a time like this. -- Gail Carriger
I was rather hoping we could live happily in sin for a very long time. -- Gail Carriger
Tonight I crash an airship. On purpose. -- Gail Carriger
I do not giggle without purpose. Lady Linette says you should never misapply a giggle. -- Gail Carriger
Espionage, Sophronia had learned, was tough on petticoats. -- Gail Carriger
Perhaps to the north? I hear Scotland is lovely this time of year." "Are you barmy? Scotland is wholly abysmal this time of year. -- Gail Carriger
To the best of my knowledge, my youngest reader is 10 and the oldest is 95. -- Gail Carriger
She felt, in fact, very absent from herself. Adrift, as if nothing might bring her back again. Not even tea. -- Gail Carriger
In for the boil, might as well steam. -- Gail Carriger
He is clearly bookish. I did not follow a single word of their conversation at dinner last night, not one jot of it. He must be bookish. -- Gail Carriger
And atop the wolf, looking as dignified and butlerlike as might be possible for a man riding a werewolf, was Floote. Alexia -- Gail Carriger
My father," she admitted, "was of Italian extraction. Unfortunately, not an affliction that can be cured." She paused. "Though he did die. -- Gail Carriger
Knives can be quite useful to a lady of quality. Swords are for men; they are too easily caught in the skirts. -- Gail Carriger
He was not very big, mostly because he was not a very big human, and the basic principles of conservation of mass still applied whether supernatural or not. Werewolves had to obey the laws of physics just like everyone else. -- Gail Carriger
It takes a great deal of money to acquire a look of not having spent any at all. -- Gail Carriger
That was a remarkable display of whatnot. -- Gail Carriger
Lord Maccon had the good grace to look sheepish-if a werewolf can be said to look sheepish. -- Gail Carriger
If we provide the right incentive, all things are possible, even perfection. -- Gail Carriger
Smoke machines are the best! -- Gail Carriger
You think loyalty can be bought?" "Don't you? -- Gail Carriger
Vampires hated to lose blood - it was troublesome to replace and always left a stain. -- Gail Carriger
If left together for too long, the two of them might actually take over the civilized world, through sheer application of snide remarks. -- Gail Carriger
It is a great skill to have friends in low places. They, too, have things to teach you. -- Gail Carriger
