Explore the most impactful and insightful quotes and sayings by Janet Evanovich, and enrich your perspective with the wisdom. Share these inspiring Janet Evanovich quotes pictures with your friends on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blogs, completely free. Here are the top 660 Janet Evanovich quotes for you to read and share.

Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000010595
It was one of those impulse things -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000011926
Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000014741
Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots."
"Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000015061
If you buy chocolate with loose change the calories don't count. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000017978
Almost everything on Craigslist paid more than I was making, but my qualifications were sketchy. I had a college degree in liberal arts. That and a dollar could get me a soda. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000018143
Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both.- -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000023085
My feeling on rain is that it should only occur at night when people are sleeping. At night, rain is cozy. During the day, rain is a pain in the gumpy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000024061
Stephanie Plum: Do you have your stun gun and pepper sray?
Lula: Does a chicken have a pecker? I could invade Bulgaria with the shit i've got in my handbag. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000025480
Then you know that my portrayal was dead-on. He breaks into homes and asks children to eat him. He's obviously not a well-adjusted pancake. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000029939
My mother had been slicing up the chicken. She took a drumstick and dropped it on the floor. She kicked it around a little, picked it up and put it on the edge of the plate.
"There," she said, "we'll give him this drumstick."
"Deal. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000031267
You always did have a problem with undies. Remember when you wet your pants in the second grade?
- Joyce Barnhardt -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000043083
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk.
Stephanie Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000044556
Your life isn't out of control. It's expanded. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000052847
He's going to jail. He can't see. He can't hear. He can't take a leak that lasts under fifteen minutes. But he has an erection and all the other problems are small change. Next time around I'm coming back as a man. Priorities are clearly defined. Life is simple. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000057912
You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?" ~ Morelli -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000061827
You took your clothes off?"
"You didn't notice?"
"No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you."
"If you look under the covers, you'll know me better."
"I don't want to know you better!"
"That's a big fib," Diesel said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000062363
His can of pepper spray was bigger than my can of pepper spray. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000067152
The elevator doors opened, and Ranger stepped out and spied Tank stretched out on the carpet.
"Fainted," I said.
Ranger walked to Tank and stood hands on hips, staring down at him. "Tank doesn't faint. I've been in firefights with him. He's a rock."
"Well, the rock fainted. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000069349
In my opinion, the only good spider is a dead spider, and women's rights aren't worth dick if they mean I can't ask a man to do my bug squashing. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000070165
Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy.
"I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000070485
Personally, I'm a lazy kind of guy, and leaving the door open on the mystical saves me work. I don't have to stress my brain trying to explain the unexplainable. It's magic. End of discussion. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000075282
Sure, he was attracted to her, but women always had to go beyond that.
Women [had] nesting fantasies. It wasn't long before they were
redecorating your apartment and criticizing your choice of mustard. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000075311
They were actually sitting at a table, like two old friends, not like the hunter
and the hunted. And it wasn't especially awkward. They were comfortable together,
despite the fact that she'd hit him with a bus. Maybe his scheme would work. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000075336
I graduated J&W in the top ninety-three percent of my class, and I would have graduated higher, but I flunked gravy. My gravy had lumps in it, and that pretty much sums up my life so far. Not that it's been all bad; more that it hasn't been entirely smooth. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000076556
If you can't fool yourself," he said, "how can you expect to fool anybody else? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000085679
THREE TO GET DEADLY -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000087283
He blew himself up."
"Get out! You mean like guts all over the place?"
"Not all over the place," I said. "He was pretty well contained, all things considered. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000089324
If you want to cry, you're not going to like my books. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000099783
Next time I fall in love it's going to be with someone who isn't an expert in fibbing."
"You're in love with me?"
"You didn't know that?"
"I did, but it's nice to hear."
"Scares the hell out of me. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000102640
Carton and sleep in my bed." "Maybe I can arrest him for -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000111805
Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000112510
You're a magnet for mess. I've never seen anything like it.
Lula to Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000114660
And in an instant I was pinned beneath him, which was not an entirely unpleasant experience once I realized it was Ranger. We were groin to groin, chest to chest, with his hands locked around my wrists. A moment passed while we did nothing but breathe. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000123169
I'd had a less tumultuous transition from childhood to adulthood, but somewhere in my twenties I feel like I got stalled in the process and now I'm drifting, marking time without any great passion to move forward. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000125958
He specializes in virgins! The brush of his fingertips turns virgins into slobbering mush.
Mary Lou Molnar -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000132429
You're my bodyguard and lover."
She shook her head. "Just your bodyguard."
"He'll never believe I'm not sleeping with you."
"You aren't."
"Even I find that unbelievable," Nick said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000135436
I ran through the store gathering together some basic foods. Bread, cheese, Tastykakes, peanut butter, cereal, milk, Tastykakes, eggs, frozen pizza, Tastykakes, orange juice, apples, lunch meat, and Tastykakes. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000140694
Ranger slung an arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the top of my head. "Someday I need to talk to you about car care." "I know about car care. I kept a case of motor oil in the back." "That's my girl. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000146374
Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli.
"I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."
-Morelli And Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000146685
As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000148046
I grew up with Morelli, lost my virginity to him, ran over him with my father's Buick in a fit of justifiable rage, and now years later he's my boyfriend. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000149709
Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000149794
You can relax. I am not here to collect on the deal"
I blinked. "You are not? Then why did you drop your gun belt?"
"I am tired. I wanted to sit and the belt is uncomfortable."
"Oh."
He smiled. "Disappointed?"
"No." Liar, liar, pants on fire. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000164867
Look at that skirt," my mother said when she opened the door to me. "It's no wonder we have so much crime today what with these short skirts. How can you sit in a skirt like that? Everyone can see everything."
"It's two inches above my knee. It's not that short. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000167315
Ranger clicked his penlight on. "Hang onto me if you can't see."
I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. "I'm good to go."
He was still for a beat. "You could have held on to my jacket," he said.
"Would you rather I do that?"
"No. Not even a little. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000169484
Nice work," I said, alluding to her nails. "Maura, at The Hair Palace, does them. She's a genius with nails, and she'll bikini wax you till you're bald as a billiard ball. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000169984
I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000172696
I'd slept with Ranger! Not sexually, of course. But I'd been in his bed. And then there was the evil shower gel. "It was all because of the shower gel," I said. Morelli's eyes narrowed. "Shower gel?" I made a major effort not to sigh. "Long story. You probably don't want to hear it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000173295
I'm a real voyeur. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000174947
Mrs. Morelli opened the door to us and smacked Joe on the side of the head. "Sex fiend. Just like your father, God rest his rotten soul."
Morelli grinned down at his mother. "It's a curse. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000174951
Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now.
She sent me a look of utter disgust and slammed the front door. I was 30-year-old and Mrs Morelli was going to tell my mother on me. Only in the burgh. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000181824
So you need an alarm system because you gonna be in bad neighborhoods?"
"Actually, I sort of stole a car, and I'm afraid the owner will try to get it back. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000182566
Holy bejeezus," Lula said, eyes bugged out, looking at the building. "This is scaring the crap out of me. This is like where Dracula would live if he didn't have any money and was a crack-head. I bet it's filled with rabid bats and killer snakes and hairy spiders as big as dinner plated. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000186766
Kate's phone rang, with the caller ID Nick McGarrett. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000187271
Ranger unlocked my door, pulled me to him, and kissed me. The kiss started out gentle and finished with enough heat to raise the temperature in the hallway by ten degrees. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000191989
This isn't just a job. This is a service profession. We uphold the law, babe.
Ranger -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000192305
He doesn't look very smart," Diesel said. "He's not even giving me the finger."
"Can monkey's do that?" Hal asked.
Carl gave him the finger.
"Cool!" Hal said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000193274
Riley reminded herself that she was a professional, and stabbing Emerson with her nail file wouldn't be appropriate. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000194939
Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000198815
I'm so busy writing and editing two books a year that I don't have time for painting anymore. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000199597
I checked my phone messages. Three in all.
The first was from Joe. "Hey, Cupcake." That was it. That was the whole message.
The second was from Ranger. "Yo." Ranger made Joe look like a chatterbox. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000201596
Okay, I know he was captain of the football team and he could bake a cake - that didn't mean I was ready to suck his finger. I was picky about what I put in my mouth. "I'll wait," I told him. "Wouldn't want to spoil my appetite. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000206773
You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter.
Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000210328
Two windows," she said with a smile. "And there's no such word as besweatered." "It's like bespectacled, only with a sweater. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000211037
Not that I've noticed." She looked down at my gun. "What a nice Glock. My sister carries a Glock, and she just loves it. I was thinking about trading in my .45, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My dead husband gave it to me for our first anniversary. Rest his soul. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000214144
Nice tackle, babe, he said. And then he kissed me. No doubt about the intention this time. Not the sort of kiss you'd give your cousin, for instance. More like the sort of kiss a man would give a woman when he wanted to rip her clothes off and give her a reason to sing the Hallelujah Chorus. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000222002
She stuffed the goodies into her hidden running belt, jogged out of the park, and went shopping for duct tape, a razor blade, paper clips, and another disposable phone. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000223357
We don't appreciate the value of humor sometimes. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000225221
Stuffed myself into a white T-shirt, topped with a plaid flannel shirt and a pair of Levi's with a small hole in the crotch which I convinced myself no one could see. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000227754
That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000227784
Sliced off like a chicken neck and stuck with a hatpin. Reminded me of my husband." Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. "You talking about size? Was your man's part that big?" "Heck no," Grandma said. "His part was that dead. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000235895
Deedee is really very sweet, he whispered. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000238387
His participation was in the ballpark of a pity fuck. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000240730
Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000243970
I don't care that you're short. I like lots of things that are short. Little dogs and daffodils. I hate you because you're mean as a snake. Would it kill you to be nice? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000248185
I did such a gigantic eye roll I almost fell over. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000248539
The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000248570
He wears jeans, untucked shirts, and a Glock 19, and he has a big shaggy dog named Bob. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000259439
Cupcake , you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000261709
I hung my head. Ranger was next on the list. "Yo," Ranger said when he answered. "Small problem." "No kidding. Your car just went off the screen." "It sort of burned up." Silence. "And you know that keypad you gave me? It was in the car." "Babe. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000261715
Nice dress. Take it off. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000261871
You have no spirit of culinary adventure. You need to be more like that snarky guy on the Travel Channel. He goes all over the world eating kangaroo a**holes and snail throw-up. He'd eat anything. He don't care how sick he gets. He's another one of my role models, except he needs ironing. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000263231
Ranger slipped an arm around me, leaned close, and kissed me. The kiss was a further indicator that he liked the dress. In fact, the kiss suggested that while he liked the dress a lot, he wouldn't mind getting me out of the dress as soon as possible. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000263488
Omygod, I haven't got years. I'll have to hide in the Bat Cave."
"Once you go to the Bat Cave it's forever, babe."
Eeek. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000265826
I'll be real discreet, Tank said.
As discreet as a six-foot-six, no-neck guy weighing three hundred and fifty pounds, all dressed in black SWAT clothes, with a Glock holstered at his side could be. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000266795
Everyone knew fear. It was the reaction that made the difference. Some people hated fear and avoided the experience. Some people endured it as a necessity. And some people became addicted to the rush. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000269860
Damn skippy it's a flea collar. I'm not taking no chances. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000270109
Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head.
Eddie DeChooch -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000271810
I sensed a familiar presence behind me. A hand brushed my hair back, and Ranger leaned in to me and kissed me on the nape of my neck. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000271872
As I ran water to wash my hands, my earbud fell out of my ear and went down the drain.
"Crap!"
I hauled my cellphone out of my bag and texted Ranger. Bad news. Your earbud just went down the drain in the ladies room.
It was only a matter of time, he textd back. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000272426
Helped Grandma off and removed her helmet. She stepped away from the bike and straightened her clothes. "I can see why people like these Harleys," she said. "They really wake you up down there, don't they? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000277390
You're scared now, I can smell it ...
Benito Ramirez -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000279782
Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.
-Ranger -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000283793
Bucky's garage was a two-bay cinder block structure that sat like an island in a sea of cars. New cars, old cars, smashed cars, rusted cars, cars that had signed on for the vital organ program, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000287307
Ranger is Cuban-American with skin the color of a mocha latte, heavy on the mocha, and a body that can best be described as yum. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000288245
I know that the Federal Reserve vault holds more gold than Fort Knox. Fort Knox only holds about four thousand six hundred tons of gold. The Federal Reserve vault holds approximately seven thousand. That's a lot of gold. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000288461
I swear, you're a crazy person. You go around up to your eyeballs in snakes and dead people and exploding beavers. It's just not normal. Even when I was a 'ho, my life wasn't that freaky. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000289458
I failed math twice, never fully grasping probability theory. I mean, first off, who cares if you pick a black ball or a white ball out of the bag? And second, if you're bent over about the color, don't leave it to chance. Look in the damn bag and pick the color you want. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000289650
Kiss those cuffs good-bye." Lula from "Hard Eight" By Janet Evonavich -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000291522
His hands still held the windbreaker, his knuckles resting lightly on my breasts. An act of intimate possession more than of sexual aggression. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000291942
When people ask what you do, tell them you're a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000295620
My father was in the kitchen putting a new washer in the kitchen faucet. He looked relieved to see Morelli standing in the hallway. He'd probably prefer I bring home someone useful, like a butcher or a car mechanic, but I guess cops are a step up from undertakers. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000296295
There's a small possibility that I might be a murder suspect
Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000298149
I was standing with my back to the door, and I saw Connie's eyes go wide. "Be still my heart," Lula said, looking past me, through the window to the sidewalk. I figured they were looking at either Johnny Depp or Ranger. My money was on Ranger. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000298433
Virgil said fortune favors the bold. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000300756
And then it gets so hot that they keep the supermarkets too cold. Hot, cold. Hot, cold. It gives me the runs.
Mr. Landowsky -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000301790
I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn't be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000304299
This was the second time in less than forty-eight hours that a man stopped fondling me because his phone rang. And both times it was because someone had been killed. If I wasn't a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy person I might be bothered by this. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000305165
Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap
cheat sheet. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000305167
Get me a gun. If I don't go into labor soon, I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it now.
Valerie - To the Nines -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000305872
Yeah, I like that idea. Maybe he'll shoot at us again. I was hoping someone would shoot at me today. That was the first thing I said when I got up: Boy, I hope I get shot at today. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000308656
I don't mean to change the subject or anything, but have you tried concealer on that zit?
Cynthia Lotte - Hot Six -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000310167
Happens to me all the time ... People are always underestimating my dumbness. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000325470
Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don't have a complete copy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000326425
I don't mean to be critical of the Trenton police," I said, "but wouldn't you think someone could catch this goddamn rabbit? He's riding around, handing out photos. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000331092
Carried me into the bedroom and tossed me onto the bed. "Five minutes," he said, lacing his shoes. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000334282
Thank God for small favors. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000335194
My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."
-Ranger and Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000340508
I had dinner at your parents' house three days ago and once a week is my limit. Joe to Stephanie. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000341735
He pulled his nose out of her cleavage and turned to me. "Gaylord Brown," he said. "It's the perfect name because I'm gay and I'm brown. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000341845
We want you to break into the Smithsonian."
"Always a pleasure," Nick said.
Kate raised an eyebrow at Nick. "You've done it before?"
Nick shrugged. "Nobody goes to D.C. without visiting the Smithsonian."
"Most people go when it's open."
"I don't like crowds. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000345113
He tucked my hair behind my ear, his fingertips brushing feather light across my temple, his thumb at the line of my jaw. I have my own team. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000347136
And said she was having meatballs and wedding cake for dinner. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348465
This cigarette tastes like ass, she said.
I wasn't sure what ass tasted like, but she looked like she would know, so I was willing to take her word for it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348467
Ten minutes passed before his (Ranger's) Mercedes appeared at the end of the street, gliding through the rain, sleek and sinister, water not daring to adhere to the paint finish. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348474
It wasn't exactly that Lula was fat. It was more that she was too short for her weight. - Stephanie Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348479
Oh good. I love being bait for a homicidal mutilator.
Stephanie Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348488
Remember, so swashing anyone into the trunk of your car!"
"Sure," Lula said, "I know that -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348495
These are desparate times." - Stephanie Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348496
Bitch, this is a gun... -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348497
I almost never shoot people. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348504
Ranger was grinning. "Somebody beat the shit out of this guy before he got shot."
"That would be me."I said.
"Babe,"Ranger said, the grin widening. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348506
Honey, Half the women in NJ have sold him their cannolli -Conie to Stephanie about Joe Morelli (One for the money) -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348507
Why do you give me cars?"
"It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?"
"You love me?"
"Yes."
A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way," Ranger said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348513
I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348515
When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348516
Men!" I said. "You all a bunch of chauvinist morons"
Stephanie Plum - Ten Big Ones -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000348518
I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000350441
Okay," Ranger said. "We're going to walk through the room and look for this guy. Pretend I'm not here."
"You going to be the wind again?" I asked.
Ranger grinned. "Wiseass. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000353341
Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000355607
And here's the good part: He got a tongue could measure twenty-one inches. Bet Mrs. Giraffe likes that one. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000355972
To celebrate our partnership I dressed up like Ranger. Black boots, black jeans, black turtleneck, small silver hoop earrings.
He gave me the once-over when I opened the door to him.
'Smart ass,' he said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000355973
Ranger was dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt and boots, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000357660
Okay, so this had all the makings of a cluster fuck, but there was a Dairy Queen Oreo Cheese-Quake Blizzard waiting for me somewhere. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000359451
Grandma pulled a .44 magnum out of her purse. Everybody duck, and I'll shoot out his tires. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000359992
Think of this as an adventure, Diesel said.
I'm from Jersey. I get my adventure on the Turnpike. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000360795
Ranger Smiled. 'You want me to be Superman? Spend the night with me. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000368497
I go to bars and restaurants, and I sit and I eavesdrop on people and I watch people in shopping centers and, you know, I read the newspapers and I talk to the Trenton cops, and I just get a lot of information that comes in that somehow turns into a book. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000371194
Do you know what I did? I urrrrrinated on the cake at my ex-wife's wedding. Pissssed all over the icing.
Melvin Baylor - Seven Up -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000371687
THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me - not forever, but periodically. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000376880
This makes you real special," Lula said. "It's like you're a reality show, all by yourself. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000383484
It was two whacked-out guys who said they always wanted to kidnap a midget. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000386470
I don't want a new man."
"I'll be dead someday," my mother said. "And then what? You'll wish you had someone."
"I have a hamster. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000387850
She opened a beer and took a sip. "You'd really go all the way to Greece, and run a covert operation again, just so I can have the satisfaction of capturing Nick Fox?" "Sure," he said. "We don't get nearly enough quality father-daughter time. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000389110
She gestured to the bag. "What have you got in there?"
"Nothing much. Some golfballs, a handful of tees, a Glock, extra ammo, two hand grenades, a tear gas canister, a knife, Tums, clean socks, flares, and some Ensure chocolate shakes."
"You took all of that with you to play golf? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000398771
Somewhere along the line, I realized that I liked telling stories, and I decided that I would try writing. Ten years later, I finally got a book published. It was hard. I had no skills. I knew nothing about the business of getting published. So I had to keep working at it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000405034
[Stephanie] That's not the point. I can't just let monkeys loose in Trenton.
[Lula] Why not? There's all kinds of crazy shit loose in Trenton. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000409331
If anything happened to you, I'd be so destroyed they'd have to strap me to a bed and feed me through a tube. After five or six years, I might be capable of taking care of Rex. In the interim, you should assign a guardian. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000410150
My skill level is so high I do things I don't even try to do. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000419398
I checked my pocketbook to make sure I had the essentials... beeper, tissues, hair spray, flashlight, cuffs, lipstick, gun with bullets, recharged cell phone, recharged stun gun, hairbrush, gum, pepper spray, nail file. Was I a kick-ass bounty hunter, or what?"(Three to get deadly)Janet evanovich -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000419405
Nothing Personal? You've harrassed my mother, stolen my car, and now you're telling people I've gotten you pregnant! In my opinion, getting someone pregnant is pretty fucking personal! Jesus, isn't it enough I'm accused of murder? What are you the bounty hunter from hell? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000419411
Ranger is a man of few words. He's Cuban-American, former Special Forces, he makes a much better friend than an enemy, and he's Vinnie's numero uno bounty hunter. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000424584
Trust him, I said. Trust Superman, Spider-man, E.T., the Ghost of Christmas Present . . . whoever the hell. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000425885
Shit for brains," Leo's father said. "That's what you got ... shit for brains. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000433950
On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000434208
Ranger locked eyes with me. "Please," he said.
Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to "please." I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it.
Okay," I said. "Be careful. He's insane. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000434268
I swear," Hal said, "this place is like the Bermuda Triangle. It's friggin' spooky. I went out to feed the monkeys last night, and I saw the Easter Bunny walking down the road with Sasquatch. And now there are rockets shooting into the sky from nowhere. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000434275
Did you take Joyce's engine?'
'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000435040
It was a weird sensation. Like getting caught eavesdropping, or lying, or sitting on the toilet and having the bathroom walls suddenly drop away. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000437967
She doesn't know," Cate said. "Kellen is a secret. I didn't think my mother would approve."
"Why wouldn't your mother approve?" Pugg asked.
"It's my job," Kellen said. "I kill people. It pays well, but it's not universally socially acceptable. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000445106
In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I've never been a slave to good judgment. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000447582
Damn, I thought everyone carried a gun in New Jersey!!! -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000448491
Suppose I lay down on the pavement and you run over me a few times with my own car ... just for old times. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000451831
No one expected a first year engineering student to build the perfect bridge. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000460926
I'm a glass-is-half-full person now, and your sorry ass is still in half-empty country. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000461166
I would have graduated higher, but I flunked gravy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000462654
I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman. -Ranger to Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000465293
You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000465767
He had a lot of muscle and a skill level somewhere between Batman and Rambo. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000478395
ONE FOR THE MONEY -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000482462
I rented Ghostbusters, my all-time favorite inspirational movie. I picked up some microwave, popcorn, a KitKat, a bag of bite-sized Reese's peanut butter cups, and a box of instant hot chocolate with marshmallows. Do I know how to have a good time, or what? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000494163
White lies are a gray area, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000502582
You see what I'm saying?" Mooner said. "Something else always comes along. You go to jail, you don't have to worry about anything. No rent to pay. No food bill to sweat. Free dental plan. And that's worth something, dude.You don't wnat to stick your nose up at free dental. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000506428
I like my nuts," Mooner said. "I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000507210
Uh-oh," Ranger said. "you been reading those Nancy Drew books again? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000507289
Stephanie Plum, psycho bait. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000510354
You owe me!" -Stephanie
"Why do I owe you?" -Joe
"I caught your no good cousin." -Stephanie
"Yeah and in the process you burned down a funeral home, and damaged thousands of dollars of government property." -Joe
"Well if you are going to be picky about it ... " -Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000510585
I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000513487
every other aspect of his life. He had the -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000515846
Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger ... but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still ... -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000515885
I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant." -Grandma Mazur -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000515894
I exchanged my flannel shirt for a Rangers jersey and zapped the television on. Probably I should make more phone calls, but the Rangers were playing and priorities were priorities. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000520163
And Larry Burlew was a slug. She'd join the Foreign Legion before she'd marry Larry Burlew. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000522248
Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000523918
Lennie Smullenski and Anthony Zuck bake the goodies in the back room in big steel ovens and troughs of hot oil. Clouds of flour and sugar sift onto table surfaces and slip under foot. And lard is transferred daily from commercial sized vats directly to local butts. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000527116
Are you afraid of me?
Uh ... yes.'
The smile stayed fixed in place. 'You should be. You locked me in a refrigerator truck with three dead people. Sooner or later I'm going to get you for it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000530474
Holy Mary, mother of God," my mother said. "You were being chased by Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton, and a rabbit. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000532972
It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000538123
I wasn't sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000540600
Every man in my organization knows you and understands that you're my personal property, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000542091
I rushed us out of your parents' house because I didn't think I could manage two hours at the dinner table with everyone focused on Joe Loosey's joystick sitting in the refrigerator next to the applesauce. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000546079
I slipped the acres of pink taffeta over my head and struggled to get it zipped. What had originally been a dress from the Little House on the Prairie collection was now straight out of the Little Whore-house on the Prairie collection. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000547248
I wanted to marry Aladdin so I'd get to fly on his magic carpet. So you can see that we were coming from different places. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000553725
I hate mornings. They start so early. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000555183
Own decisions. And I'm responsible for my well-being. Is that clear?" "No," both men said in unison. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000559926
Superheroes are make-believe."
"Oh yeah?" Lula said. "What about God?"
"Hmmmm. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000561168
I got a body stuck to my windshield!" Lula yelled. "I can't drive like this! I can't get my wipers to work. How am I supposed to drive with a dead guy on my wipers? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000561854
He rooted for the Mets, he wore Foot of the Loom underwear, and he drove a Buick. His loyalties were carved in stone and he wasn't about to be impressed with some upstart of a toaster salesman who drove a Bonneville. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000563089
You're his what?" "Amanuensis. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000566815
I actually really suck at naming books, so lots of years ago, readers were sending in their ideas for titles, and what we realized is that they were smarter than us. So we thought, Hey, go for it. So now we have a contest every year. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000573480
There are four ways to manage stress. There's drugs, there's alcohol, there's sex, and there's doughnuts. I go with sex and doughnuts. I tried the other two and it wasn't any good. You being in a dry spell, you might have to rely on doughnuts. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000577786
You shouldn't be driving," Morelli said to Kloughn. "I know," Kloughn said. "I tried walking, but I was too drunk. It's okay. I was driving very slooooowly and 'sponsibly. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000584834
Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff? - Aunt Edna -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000587392
Glad to hear it," Randy said. "There should be meat with every meal. Without meat there's no meal, am I right?" "I like this boy," my father said. "He's got a good head on his shoulders. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000589116
Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000593959
My mother is a good Christian woman who would never refuse someone a seat at her table, but I knew this was a nightmare for her. With Lula and Grandma at the table together, it's much more likely that my father will try to stab someone with his fork. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000596131
I looked over at him. "Is that a proposal?"
There was total silence for a couple beats. "I'm not sure. It just popped out."
"Let me know when you're sure."
"Would you say yes?" Morelli asked.
"I'm not sure. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000596791
I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000610334
I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset. Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000610825
Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. "If you're looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you'd be with me this morning."
"Did he make you take a blood oath that you'd protect me?"
"He asked me if I had adequate health insurance. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000619066
When you get ready to write your novel, outline it first. There's nothing worse than getting halfway through and realizing you've painted yourself in a plot corner. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000619733
You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep one day and say we were due at the church in an hour. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000626942
Slipped onto the passenger seat, and Ranger leaned over and kissed me just below my ear. It was a hello kiss. Nothing serious. If I wanted it to get serious all I had to do was smile. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000639416
Omigod,' I said on a sudden flash of sleep-deprived insight. 'You're the big bad wolf.'
There are some similarities. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000643223
gold is stored in New York in vaults resting on bedrock, eighty feet below street level. The walls of the vaults are steel-reinforced concrete. The vaults are impenetrable. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000647835
I'm going to run you down, back over you, and then I'm going to get out and shock you with my stun gun until your hair catches fire. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000653794
You take advantage. He don't stay at birthday party like good boy. He come to you for nicky nacky. You slut. I fix you so he see. I give you vordo. She waved her hand at me, she slapped her ass, and she wheeled around and left the coffee shop. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000654601
I could use some help with an FTA.
What's your problem?
He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000655834
He pulled me toward him, lowered his mouth to mine, and kissed me. The kiss was slow and deep. His hands were firm on my back. I grasped his shirt and leaned into him. And I felt his body respond. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000656215
I received rejection letters for ten years (one on a napkin, written in crayon.) I had all my rejection notices stored in a box. When the box was finally full I took it to the curb and set it on fire. The next day I went out and got a temp job. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000657100
The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000657246
Bullets are creepy."
Stephenie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000663765
You're not looking for a partner," Ranger said. "You're looking for an enforcer. You hate to run. You must be worried about getting into that black dress. What did you eat just now? Piece of cake? Candy bar?"
"Everything," I said. "I just ate everything. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000664402
If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead! -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000667298
I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000668771
How was your day?" Morelli asked me. "Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000669486
It would be difficult to tell," Wulf said. "I've always been a romantic. I've seen Casablanca twice, and I sat through the entire ordeal of Titanic".
"Didn't you enjoy Titanic?"
"I was relieved when the ship went down". -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000677149
I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000681298
Fuck, Ranger said.
Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open.. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000687819
Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn't he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster's cage was clean, I'd be happy to oblige. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000698256
I'm not driving you anymore," Lula said to me. "Every time I take you somewhere, people shoot at us." "Not every time. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000703235
I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don't want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We're hot. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000703321
Do you believe in God?" I asked Lula. "Fuckin' A I believe in God. Don't you believe in God?" "I believe in something. It's vague. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000705317
Vinnie had court business, and then he couldn't fit the dancing bear in his car, so Lula and I picked him up in Mooner's bus. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000707173
Um, Emerson?" she said. "I've reached the end of my rope. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000707440
Lately, I've been spending a lot of time rolling on the ground with men who think a stiffy represents personal growth. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000709874
It's a long story," I said. "The short version is Diesel and I are pretending to get married, so we can get Kloughn to marry Valerie." "Does Morelli know about this?" "It's pretend." "I'm not even gonna ask if Ranger knows. Poor ol' Diesel here be dead if Ranger knew. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000717362
That's disappointing," Nick said. "I was hoping to see you in action again. It's kind of sexy in a violent, perverted sort of way."
"Gosh, knowing that makes my day complete."
"I thought you'd want me to be open about my feelings now that we're married. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000720844
I think money isn't any good sitting around, so I spend some time in the shoe department at Saks. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000727628
You should see me work my magic in leather
Ranger -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000728333
Holy Crap,' Carolli said. 'You shot Jesus. That's gonna take a lot of Hail Marys. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000728558
I'd hate to list our specialties. Wreck cars, eat doughnuts, create mayhem. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000740097
Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000742680
Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said.
Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000743456
I figured I'd embellish the truth a little, since the police might not be up on the finer points of bounty hunterism and might not understand about commandeering. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000744010
You have to step on people's feet and kick them in the back of the leg," Grandma said, "then they move away from you. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000744090
I shot that sucker right in the gumpy.
Grandma Mazur -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000746945
Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities"
You mean like a guardian angel?"
I mean, like, it has seatbelts -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000750026
Life is a journey, not a destination," Emerson said. "One must live in the moment. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000756301
Your cousin Maureen just got a job at the button factory. They're probably still hiring.
Helen Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000757137
Count me in." Jake put his things back in the rucksack, slung it over his shoulder, and stood up. "The kids can finish up this project." "You've taught them how to make land mines?" "I wouldn't be much of a grandfather if I didn't. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000761001
I've noticed you only speak ghetto half of the time." - Stephanie
"I'm multi-lingual," Rancher said.
I followed him to the door, feeling jealous, wishing I knew a second language. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000764701
You fainted," I told Tank. "I did not," Tank said. "That's a lie. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000767383
You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious.- -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000775131
I've been under a lot of stress lately." "You know what I do when I got stress?" Lula said. "I go shoe shopping." "I knit," Connie said. "Get out!" Lula said. "I never knew you knit stuff." "I don't knit stuff," Connie said. "I just knit. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000775554
The dancers finished thier set, and one immediately strolled over to our table and straddled Ranger.
Want a private party?" she asked.
Not tonight," Ranger said. He handed her a twenty, and she left.
What about the cat-feeding theory?" I asked him.
Out the window. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000777808
Connie drove a silver Camry with rosary beads hanging from her rearview mirror and a Smith& Wesson stuck under the seat. No matter whatwent down, Connie was covered. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000788443
Ranger was not husband material. He was a heart-stopping handsome Latino, dark-skinned and dark-eyed. He was strong inside and out, an enigma who kept his life scars pretty much hidden. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000793421
Why do you gotta be going somewhere? Seems like it should be enough that we had nachos. And we got meaningful jobs. We catch bad guys. If it wasn't for us, there'd be vampires and all kinds of shit running around loose. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000795210
bottles of water on it to keep -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000809181
If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I said to Ranger.
"Not drunk," Ranger said. "Just relaxed and naked. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000812175
I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000815625
Bitch."
"Slut."
"Whore."
"Cunt."
I kicked Joyce in the shin. I draw the line at cunt. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000820282
Lula's borderline too much of a good thing in lots of ways. It isn't exactly that Lula is fat; it's more that she's too short for her weight and her clothes are too small for the volume of flesh she carries. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000822668
Drawn, eyes wide. "Holy Toledo," she said. "I called everyone I could think of while I was driving," Sally said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000825280
Well that's disappointing," Grandma Mazur said. "I expected something better from her. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000825297
Sweetie, nothing that flies looks safe, including birds. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000825509
I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000828828
I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000828832
When I was painting, I was painting stories I was telling myself. When I look back at it, moving to writing was a very natural progression for me. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000828938
It was M-m-moe and Shorty," I said. "Damn, I can't stop
shaking."
"Adrenaline burn-off," Ranger said. "It's normal."
"Why aren't you sh-sh-shaking?"
"I'm not normal. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000829503
As a backup, I intended to get a quart of defense spray. I wasn't much good with a gun, but I was bitchin' with an aerosol can. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000830418
All my adult life I've hidden behind mascara. And if I'm really insecure, I add eyeliner. (Stephanie, Chapter 10) -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000830957
FARC, the Colombian rebels who've been funding their revolution against the state with kidnapping, extortion, and drug dealing. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000831738
You gonna take the case?"
It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of."
You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens," Grandma said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000832341
Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this. - Morelli -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000832346
Ranger hung my bag on my shoulder and looked at me. "Are you okay with all this?" "Actually, I feel like throwing up a lot." "It's the doughnuts." "It's my life. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000832362
I was going to go to church, but I decided to get doughnuts instead. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000832873
Almost everybody I know has died," Grandma said. "Bunch of wimps. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000833397
And listened for Lula's knock on his door. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000839440
Go figure that. Joseph Morelli with a house, a dog, a steady job, and an SUV. And on odd days of the month he woke up wanting to marry me. It turns out want to marry him on even days of the month, so to date we've been spared commitment. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000839693
I can't help it. I'm just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbeque gas." She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long far. "Excuse me," she said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000841854
It means that he looks like my boyfriend, but I don't say it out loud. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000841971
There was an air of satisfaction to the house at the end of the day. Maybe the day hadn't gone exactly right, but the day had been lived and the house had been there for its family. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000844340
That shooting gave me an appetite," she said. "Somebody pass
me the potatoes."
Grandma Mazur -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000845408
At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a folding chair, one foot on the edge of the casket, and she was taking pictures with a disposable camera. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000847799
If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000853193
He's hot, Lula said, but he's a pig. All men are pigs.
Do you really believe that?
No but it's a point of view to keep in mind . You don't want to go around thinkin' shit is your fault. Next thing you know, they got you makin' pot roast ad you're cutting up your mastercard. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000856034
It wasn't my fault. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000864737
Has it ever occurred to you that you might be delusional?'
That's what the psychiatrist said, but I think he's wrong. There's an evil flying pizza out there, and it's got Brenda's name on it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000866879
Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000871555
He [Ranger] peeled my [Stephanie] clothes off and wrangled me into bed. And then suddenly he was inside me. He once told me that time spent with him would ruin me for all other men. When he said it, I thought it was an outrageous threat. I no longer though it outrageous. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000871932
Good thing he's dead," Lula said, "or that would have hurt like the devil. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000871935
My sex life is okay."
"Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000874900
When I was pink and clean I crawled into bed and pretended I was at Disney World. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000875332
Truth is, I think naked men are kind of strange looking what with their doodles and ding-dong hanging loose like they do. Nevertheless, there's the curiosity thing. I guess it's another one of those car crash experiences, where you feel compelled to look even if you know you'll be horrified. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000877143
I woke up wrapped in Ranger's arms, our legs entwined, my face snuggled into his neck. He smelled nice, and he felt even better . . . warm and friendly. I enjoyed it for a moment before reality took hold. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000880778
There's a trade show going on this week for Russian vodka," Ranger said. "This consulate will be hosting a meet-and-greet party at five o'clock. That would be a good time for us to slip in. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000881787
Good grief. Are you flirting with me?"
"Honey, my intentions are way past flirting."
"Your intentions could get you a knee in the groin."
Nick grinned. "At least your mind's on the right body part. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000882302
The golden years are for pussies. We went straight to brass. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000884520
I'll go with you," Lula said. "Maybe I'll get a look at the killer Chihuahuas. And besides, I want to ride in Ranger's Porsche. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000885707
I was listening to you the whole time. I didn't trust you to hang on to the earbud, so I had a mini-microphone sewn into your shirt. It's just under the rolled hem on the neckline." I glanced at it. "I thought it was just another rhinestone. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000887577
Princeton isn't actually part of New Jersey. It's a small island of wealth and intellectual eccentricity floating in the Sea of Central Megalopolis. It's an honest-to-god town awash in the land of the strip mall. Hair is smaller, heels are shorter, asses are tighter in Princeton. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000888740
I'm underrealized," Lula said. "I gotta lot of untapped potential. Yesterday my horoscope said I gotta expand my horizons." "You expand any more in that dress, and you'll get yourself arrested," Connie said.
Twelve Sharp -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000888921
Wouldn't want to tarnish my image by looking like a good guy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000890825
Is that your granny?" Ranger wanted to know.
"Yup. She was checking to make sure Moogey was here."
"You've got a helluva gene pool, babe. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000893530
The other hand wanted to wrap itself around Ranger's most perfect body part and not let go. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000895182
Ranger's Cayenne pulled in behind the SUV. Ranger got out, scooped me up off the ground, and held me close. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900855
I'm telling you, it's fucking hard to be classy, she said. T -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900856
in a parade, and I'd already seen Ranger naked but he was worth -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900857
I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900858
You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off, but all hair stood up on the back of my next."
I had airport rage."
Fuckin' A," Lula said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900859
I cut my eyes to the alley. Ranger was still there, doubled over the steering wheel, shaking with laughter. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900860
Anyone else would have just killed the alligator -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900861
Maybe next time we just open the door and start out with some bitch slapping. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900862
I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900863
He stood out because he had a slight British accent and an odd tattoo on his neck. A skull and a flower. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900864
God bless YouTube," Lula said. "You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900865
I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900866
fault." Ranger tightened his hold on my neck. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900867
Cooking wasn't so bad, I thought. In fact, it was a lot like sex. Sometimes it didn't seem like such a good idea in the beginning, but then after you got into it ... -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900868
Morelli was an amazing lover, but Ranger was magic. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900869
Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900870
I thought your mother liked me." "My grandmother likes you. My mother worries that you might be related to Satan. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900871
I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionally mature. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900872
You don't have to be there to be there. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900873
Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900874
I had a long history of calamitous mishaps. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900875
Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900876
Have you eaten?' I asked Diesel. When?' Recently.' No. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900877
Morelli grinned down at me. I don't know where he's getting it, but he's got some really good shit in those brownies. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900878
I wasn't always a writer. When I went to college and majored in fine arts, I was a painter. Then I was a stay-at-home mom. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900879
She switched the headlamp on and saw bats clinging to the side of the cave inches from her face. Someone whimpered. She supposed it was her. She switched the lamp off and played out the rope, dropping more slowly, trying to control the whimpering. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900880
Now it's my turn," Riley said. "What's your first name? Where'd you grow up? Who's your favorite Batman? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000900881
You were worried about me?" "No," Hal said. "I was worried Ranger would kill me if I lost you. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000907880
Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close."
"Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000908100
I like being able to provide consistent and frequent literary choices for my fans. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000909607
Here's the thing," Riley said. "I'm not really into diabolical possibilities. I'm more into logical explanations. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000911935
I always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic ... it's a multifaceted experience. If you lose the faith, chances are you'll keep the guilt, so it isn't as if you've been skunked altogether. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000913541
The man was irresistible. What's with that? she thought. It was like wanting to bake cookies for the spawn of Satan. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000927655
It was dark and raining, with bad visibility, but this was Jersey, and we don't slow down for anything. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000929462
Yeah, but I want to take a look at your little peashooter. It's kinda cute."
"It's a gun," Brenda said.
Lula pulled her Glock out of her bag and aimed it at Brenda. "Bitch, this is a gun. It could put a hole in you big enough to drive a truck through. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000934588
My mother fainted. Crash, onto the floor with the big wooden spoon still in her hand. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000935892
This is war,' I yelled through the door.
Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000937428
I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000938148
You know nothing. You're nothing but a skank-ass, pencil-dick hemorrhoid. And you smell like anal leakage." "Say what? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000941121
I bet," Lula said. "If it was me I would have been burning out the motor on my intimate appliances. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000943012
I'd bitch slap the devil for you. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000950500
I'll have Ella order some Rangeman shirts for you. If you decide to go back to Vinnie you can keep the shirts." Ranger almost smiled. "I like the idea of you wearing my name on your breast. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000951949
Sally looked over at him. "What, are you homophobic?"
"Nope," Morelli said. "I'm Italian. There's a difference. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000960045
About that proposal, cupcake..."
Morelli -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000961227
It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence.
Joe Morelli -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000964667
He's a good man," Ranger said.
"And you?"
"I'm better. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000970554
I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000972447
One minute I was having a day like any other , and then Whack an this guy didn't have no head Lula Finger Lickin 15 -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000977905
I went to the door, and Gary tried hard not to notice I was blue. He looked at his feet, and he looked above my head, and he cleared his throat.
It's okay,' I said. 'I know I'm blue.'
It caught me by surprise,' he said. 'I didn't want to seem rude. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000980936
Stephanie Plum,"I almost never shoot anyone. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000982724
I can't squeeze to keep the breezers in. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000983795
For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. I didn't care much about ruling hordes of space people. Mostly I wanted to wear the cape and the sexy boots and carry a cool weapon. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000993767
Then I had to decide if I needed to wear shoes that kicked ass or were good for ass kicking, on account of there's a difference you know. ~ Finger Lickin' Fifteen -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000993772
Do you have someone watching her house?" (Stephanie)
"That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We're so underbudgeted we're one step away from
holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli) -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000995224
Sometimes when a plan is right, everything else, all the things you can't control, falls into place just the way it should. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 000996004
Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything.
-Lula -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001004748
The only normal people are people you don't know very well." Diesel
"That's a quote from a famous person," I told him. Lizzy Tucker -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001011660
I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they're going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001015372
Money isn't everything.'The only people who say that are people who have enough money to pay the rent. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001018740
Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001022107
I really wouldn't classify the books as mysteries. I prefer to say that they're adventures. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001024053
I understand why you do your job," my mother said to me. "There's a sense of accomplishment when you take down someone bad. It's like being a police officer or being in the Army or being a mother. You have a responsibility to protect and keep order, and you do whatever it takes to get that done. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001026547
Are you laughing? I can feel you laughing. My life isn't funny!" "Babe, your life should be a prime-time sitcom. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001029947
We've got to get into shape," I said to Lula. "We should go to a gym or something." "I'd sooner set myself on fire. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001031099
That's why I'm not on social media. People are way too open about their private lives. I don't need to see pictures of what somebody had for lunch or hear about how difficult their last bowel movement was or see on a map where they were when either one happened. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001031331
Ranger isn't my boyfriend. Ranger and I have a professional relationship." "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't play hide the salami once in a while. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001032111
Pete- What does a woman want out of marriage?
Louisa- Undying devotion and a warm place to put her cold feet when she gets into bed at night. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001037048
You have a gun! Why didn't you use it on Ramirez? Jesus, you hit him with your pocketbook like some sissy girl. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001041838
I OPENED THE front door to Morelli's house and Bob -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001044190
Ranger's lips swept along my jawline to my ear. I could make you forget the gown. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001048299
Are we fighting?" I asked Morelli. "No. Were discussing." "Are you sure?" "Am I yelling?" Morelli asked. "Is my face purple? Are the cords on my neck standing out? Am I waving my arms around?" "No." "The were not fighting. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001058770
Are you hungry?" Grandma asked me. "Do you need breakfast?" "I'm famished! -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001062302
He squinted at me. What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001069413
It's good to have a Ranger," Lula said. "He's like a personal Spidey. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001069905
I try hard not to make the same mistake more than 3 or 4 times in a row. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001070293
It wouldn't kill you to flirt a little, so I don't remember this assignment as totally sucking. I'm babysitting a guy who thinks he's a leprechaun, and I'm rescuing a has-been horse. The least you could do I grab my ass once in a while. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001077231
I wasn't a fabulous cook. I didn't have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn't a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001079022
As if they'd never seen a seven-foot transvestite and a two-hundred-pound black woman with blond baloney curls all dressed up like Cher on a bad day. Do I know how to conduct an undercover operation, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001086927
So elves could be walking around in our midst, disguised as normal, everyday, vertically challenged citizens. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001092809
Just because i know how to change a guys oil doesn't mean i want to spend the rest of my life on my back, staring up his undercarriage. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001094645
Diesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you."
"I'm not fondling you. I'm looking for the keys!"
"Could you look a little more gently? You're scaring my boys. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001095780
There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001096998
Was a fast easy reading, Good to take your mind off of anything serious for a while -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001097183
There's always tomorrow."
"Exactly," she said, finishing off her first doughnut, selecting a second. Maybe she wouldn't starve to death, she decided. Maybe she'd eat herself into obesity and explode. Death by doughnut. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001097874
Ranger was definitely wow. He stood half a head taller than me. He was perfectly toned muscle, and he had classic Latino good looks. He always smelled great. He dressed only in black. His eyes were dark. His hair was dark. His life was dark. Ranger had lots of secrets. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001103165
What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried it's all true." "It's been a long couple days." "Did he really fart fire?" Morelli asked. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001104992
As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001106065
I don't believe this," Diesel said. "It just gets worse and worse. Bad I enough I have to play cupid to a butcher, button maker and veterinarian ... now have to be sex therapist for a guy who gives people a rash. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001111021
Throwing up is not a group activity -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001115310
My leg over the bike. Ranger was watching me, smiling. "I like the way you straddle that," he said. "Someday . . . -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001115788
Sometimes I moonlight for a guy named Ranger who's extremely bad in an incredibly good way. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001116311
I'm sorry about your Porsche." "I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful." I was just sitting in your car!" Babe, you're a magnet for disaster. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001121634
What are you doing back at the bakery?" I asked [Diesel]. "Did you know Wulf was here?" "No. I knew food was here. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001127383
When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don't need ironing. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001127395
You made the paper again," Grandma said. "And the phone's been ringing off the hook. Your mother's in the kitchen, ironing."
My mother always irons during times of disaster. Some people drink, some take drugs. My mother irons. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001127505
I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001128964
Most fathers don't show up with hand grenades and bowie knives."
"They should be ashamed of themselves," Jake said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001141398
Hey!" Lula yelled, back in Ranger's face. "You look at me when I'm having a breakdown. And don't pull that mysterio silent shit on me. I don't take that bus, you see what I'm saying? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001141561
My eyes never got lower than your nipples. If it wasn't for the fact that Morelli would shoot me I would have taken you on his front lawn. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001144025
I wanted to tell you I ... uh, like you." Shit. I chickened out! What was it with me that I couldn't say the big L word? I am such a dope.
Morelli sighed into the phone. "You are such a dope. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001144646
Ranger raised my bruised and bloody wrist to his mouth and kissed it. I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but there -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001149707
It's not a good idea to mess with a woman who has a pimple -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001150001
Even though two decades and several years had gone by since [she] first decided to be a fairy, even though Lizabeth Kane now stood five feet six inches tall in her stocking feet, even though she was thirty two years old - she still had aspirations of growing up to be a fairy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001161022
Think she needs to have an adventure once in a while. And she's overly curious." "You get that from her," my mother said. "You're a lot like your grandmother." Sort of a scary thought, but I knew it was true. Even at this moment, I had a horse in my kitchen. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001184316
Your on your on with this one babe." "Coward." "Calling me names isn't going to get me in there." -Ranger and Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001184660
From the look on your face, I'd say you know him."
I nodded. "Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school."
Connie grunted. "Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001198051
Diesel was smiling at Grandma. "You blew through almost two hundred thousand and you were playing dollar slots? That's impressive." "Especially since some of that time I was winning," Grandma said. "Twelve dollars?" "Yep. I was on a roll. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001200992
No one can eat just one French fry." "I bet supermodels eat just one French fry. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001204514
We could track down a gang guy wanted for armed robbery and assault." "That sounds like a lot of fun, but I might have to pass on account of I don't want to die right now." "We could visit some of Sunny's relatives and ask if he's staying with them." "Ditto for the above reason. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001215452
The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.
Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001216415
Exercise improves your sex life.
Ranger to Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001216436
Like I said before, kids were okay from a distance, but I didn't think they'd ever replace hamsters. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001216683
OKAY, SO HERE'S the thing. My mother's worst fear has come true. I'm a nymphomaniac. I lust after a lot of men. Of course, maybe that's because I don't actually actually have sex with any. And some of my lustings probably aren't -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001217323
You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said.
"I just enter. I don't usually break."
"You broke down Pitch's door."
"Lost my temper."
-Ranger and Stephanie -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001219070
Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001219213
I write to entertain. When people read one of my books I want them to finish with a smile on their faces, feeling a little bit better about themselves and the people in their lives. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001219606
Looks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week.
Carl Costanza - Hot Six -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001219607
It's been almost a month since you found a body. I knew you were due.
Carl Costanza - Seven Up -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001223163
Lots of times I'm not crazy about the writing, but I keep moving ahead and somehow it gets better. The important thing is to move forward. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001230551
How many times have I told you not to hit people in the face. You kick them in the body where it doesn't show. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001238985
I've never been in this part of Trenton before. I don't feel comfortable driving around buildings that haven't got gang slogans sprayed on them. Look at this place. No boarded-up windows. No garbage in the gutter. No brothers selling goods on the street. Don't know how people can live like this. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001239257
Nice to see a pretty girl stopping by, even if it is just business. And look at you with all that curly red hair and big brown eyes. And you got a nose that's cute as a button. I bet you work out too. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001241432
I sent Hal and Rafael to keep an eye on you, and I went to check on a commercial account in Whitehorse. Rafael called to tell me Lula went in with a rocket launcher, so I skipped Whitehorse. I pulled into the lot seconds before you destroyed Billings Foods. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001242178
What's on your bucket list?" I asked. "I got six things so far," Grandma said. "First off, I want new breasts. These ones I got are a mess. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001242991
Grandma was wearing a blond Marilyn Monroe wig, a hot pink tank top, black Pilates pants, and black kitten heels. She looked like the senior version of an inflatable sex toy doll that needed more air. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001245016
Make sure your main characters are likeable. They can be flawed, but your readers need to be able to root for them. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001255378
You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable? (Lula) -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001261638
He was around the desk in two strides, reaching out for me. I knocked his hand away, grabbed the staple gun, pressed it into his crotch, and bam, bam, bam, bam ... I stapled his nuts. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001262471
You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think? Stuart Bagget -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001262480
Embarrassing as it was to admit, I was beginning to enjoy the role, thinking there was nothing like packing a pair of cuffs to put some spring into a woman's step. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001264556
I took all of my rejection letters - there must have been thousands of them in a huge box - and I went out on the curb and burned them all, crying. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001264911
RANGER HAD BEEN Special Forces, and he still had the build and the carriage. He was standing close, forcing me to tip my head back ever so slightly to look into his eyes. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001270362
Hey," Lula said to Ranger's man."You want to watch it? I just had my hair done. I don't need plaster in it. Next time just shoot a hole is this punk-ass loser, will you? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001274723
He lowered his mouth and kissed me. I know I should have kneed him in the groin, but the kiss was delicious. Joe Morelli still knew how to kiss. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001275448
What's this outfit? You can't afford clothes? Are you wearing other peoples?
Helen Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001277967
Sometimes it's hard to tell what's love and what's only indigestion, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001279964
Ranger's gonna hate this," Tank said. "Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001281712
I felt my cell phone buzz, and I looked at the screen. Ranger.
"Your GPS just went blank," Ranger said when I answered.
"The car exploded." There was a beat of silence.
"Rafael won the pool," Ranger said. "Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"I'll send someone. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001281722
Oh, for God's sake," I said. "Just give me the stupid thing." I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. "GPS," Ranger said to Morelli. "Probably I can find her breast without it," Morelli said. "But it's good to know there's a navigational system on board if I need it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001289298
Ranger declined the butterscotch pudding, not wanting to disrupt the consistency of his blood sugar level. I had two puddings and coffee, choosing to keep my pancreas at peak performance. Use it or lose it is my philosophy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001290750
Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. "It's not funny," I said. "Babe, I haven't got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001290810
Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001291390
I could use some lunch." "Do you have any money?" "No," Lula said. "Do you?" "No." "There's only one thing to do then. Senior buffet." Ten minutes later, I pulled into the Costco parking lot. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001292557
Riley decided the man was physically a ten, but intellectually he was a certifiable fruit basket. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001296068
Connie, giving her thoughts on why Vinnie's hot temper is less than normal, says: Lucille must have fed him a Vallium smoothie this morning. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001300603
If Mickey Mouse could fly, he'd be Donald Duck. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001300989
I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001306544
The lights were low, and Ranger was naked and lounging on the bed, waiting for me to return. I did a slow scan of his perfect body. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001310712
years old and widowed. No children. He'd sold his insurance business -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001311291
He shouldn't have shot Tiki," Logan said. "Hawaiian gods get even. Did you see what Tiki did to his foot? It flew right off his leg when you kicked it! -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001312495
I liked you better when you had vordo." "You're not suggesting we do it in this tiny closet with two men watching television in the next room, are you?" "It'd be limiting," Ranger said, "but at least you wouldn't have your ass on the horn. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001313947
Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001317370
My fear was that I'd oversleep, and when Ranger broke into my apartment to wake me up, I'd drag him into bed with me. And then what would I tell Joe? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001319965
If she had any sense at all, she'd clean out her desk and look for another job. Something safe and sane, like catching alligators or looking for land mines in Afghanistan. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001324699
I got out of the tub and had to squelch a scream when I saw my reflection in the vanity mirror. My hair looked like it had taken 2000 volts and been spray starched -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001327840
I've finally reached a stage in my career where I can do what I want. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001328385
Ranger leaned closer and lowered his voice. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001331511
Yeah, I'm a classy guy." Ranger scooped up a handful of popcorn. "A little girl's life is at stake. That doesn't leave much room for ego and turf wars. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001333300
-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.-
-A good woman could do that.-
-She'd have to be armed and dangerous.- -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001336143
Grandma Mazur reads the obituary columns like they're part of the paper's entertainment section. Other communities have country clubs and fraternal orders. The Burg has funeral parlors. If people stopped dying, the social life of the Burg would come to a grinding halt. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001349527
Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001351013
That was just like a ride," he said. "Did you see me going around in there? Like a fun house, right? Like an amusement park. I ride all those rides. I'm used to that sort of thing. I sit right up front. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001355662
THE NOTE said the first clue was "in the big one." I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn't do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001355776
Holy cow!" I said. "You can't go to the door like that!" "My gun's in the kitchen." "Yes, but your underwear's on the floor in my bedroom!" And that wasn't the biggest problem. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001357098
I have bad car juju."
-Stephanie Plum -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001362373
Okay so I fibbed a little about the kids. I didn't want her to feel bad. I mean we can't all be lucky enough to have a hamster. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001364732
Since I write in first person and have no idea what goes on in men's heads. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001367780
You don't have a drop of paint on you," I said. "Why is that?"
Ranger smiled, liking that he hadn't gotten hit. "I guess they were hunting pussy."
"But I walked into the Motherfuckers room."
"Yeah, but babe, your clearly pussy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001368338
And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001368853
Hell, bravery didn't have anything to do with it. I was shitfaced. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001376327
God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001378598
Transitions are critically important. I want the reader to turn the page without thinking she's turning the page. It must flow seamlessly. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001385154
Since I can barely write two books a year the best solution seems to be co-author projects. My goal isn't to get another writer to clone me ... it's more to produce a book that shares my vision of positive, fun entertainment. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001388246
Babe, Ranger said, wrapping his arms around me, gathering me close to him. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001388985
Babe," Ranger said, "you need to make some decisions." "I made decisions. I'm just having a hard time sticking to them. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001394582
I have you listed under entertainment," Ranger said, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001398761
She'd wanted to grow up to be a superhero, and in a left-turn kind of way she felt like she was on track. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001399249
Buffet." "Do you know what casino she -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001399318
Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001400894
Diesel is back," Ranger said.
Yes. How did you know?"
I woke up with a migraine this morning." Ranger said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001403949
He could freeze his stupid dick off for all I cared. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001404254
Morelli smiled. "It could have been Jenny Ragucci. That makes much more sense. I had good luck with sluts."
I looked over at him.
All in the past," Morelli said. "I'm a cupcake man now."
Whoa, dude," Mooner said. "That's so, like, cosmic. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001410271
Finding out with Ranger is a whole different deal than finding out with Lula. Lula and I are Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz. Ranger is Batman. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001413735
Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001417781
But I could end up in prison." He waved off her concern. "I'd break you out." "You'd do that for me?" "You're my daughter, aren't you?" Kate smiled. Sure, he'd missed a lot of Christmases and birthdays during her childhood, but not many fathers could be counted on to mount a prison break. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001423720
We're not going to die. You're with me kiddo and it just happens I know a few survival skills."
"Oh yeah right. Like carrying your Visa Gold in case the restaurant doesn't accept American Express. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001425247
You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you."
"You are such a cop."
"Tell me about it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001425261
Cupcake, your middle name is trouble. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001425265
You're such a cupcake. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001428926
He had his hand in your pants and he kissed you," Lula said. "I'm wetting myself. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001438150
Sounds to me like you're talkin' about the wrong things. Why don't you talk about other things? Like you could make a list of things you won't fight over and then you only talk about those things. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001439022
Looked around for Grandma, spotting her and Dougie hiding behind a car on the opposite side of the street. They were wearing Super Suits and they had bath towels pinned around their necks like capes. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001440038
My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001440599
I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.
Grandma Mazur -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001444307
I think you should go shopping first. I like when you bring all that kinky stuff home. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001446567
You can't be mad at me," Ranger said. "I'm cute. I might even be adorable. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001452899
Okay," she said. "I'll go with him, but you owe me. I want one of them five-gallon jugs of rice pudding when I come -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001458856
And from where I was sitting his ass looked like little Bear's bed ... not too hard, and not too soft, but just right. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001459524
I take in a lot of stuff from real life, movies, television, news and it all gets mixed in my head and somehow turns into a story idea. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001463031
Some people learn from books, some listen to the advice of others, some learn from mistakes. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001464692
I woke up completely entangled with Ranger. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001466521
I guess that's where I heard of her. There's lots of people in that seniors' club, and I don't go to the meetings all the time. I can only take so much of old people. If I want to see loose skin I can look in the mirror. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001470359
I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001475660
I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001476459
[Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love
[Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001481932
I always wanted to eat with a Negro," Grandma said.
Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman," Lula said. "So I guess this works out good. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001483693
You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms.
Joe Morelli -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001485359
If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001488325
And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001496625
Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001498842
Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped
- Ranger -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001501845
Cripes, I can't keep up on this political correct shit. I don't even know what to call myself. One minute I'm black. Then I'm African American. Then I'm a person of color. Who the hell makes these rules up, anyhow? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001505873
When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said:
She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001514672
Dancing hotdogs don't say shit. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001520998
I don't believe this," Morelli yelled. "I don't fucking believe this. What do you do, sit in bed at night and think about ways to fuck up my life? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001527929
No Ranger in sight. That's because he's in the wind. You can't see the wind. Or maybe the wind went home to watch Tuesday night fights. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001537685
We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits.
- Joe Morelli -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001537904
That's one of the things I like about Mary Lou. She's willing to believe the worst about anyone. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001545803
Respect and love your readers. Write for the reader. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001554466
May misfortune follow us for the rest of our lives, but never catch up-Nicolas Fox, The Heist -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001559151
There's no tab. And there's no price for what we give each other. Not ever. Not financial. Not emotional. I have to get back to work. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001563211
Stroll around and look sexy, ask annoying questions, in general get on everyone's nerves. All those things that come naturally to you. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001563411
The problem with all that falling in love was that eventually it had to come to an end, and the end would be painful. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001566070
A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001567993
You come from a long line of scary women Ranger finally said. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001568947
It was a Geek Squad badge from Best Buy. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001569867
You're scum, Morelli! You're scum! -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001570113
My mother slapped her forehead and rolled her eyes. Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie, what are you thinking of? This is no kind of work for a nice young lady. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001571744
Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?'
Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.'
Superheroes are make-believe.'
Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God? -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001572693
It's the twenty-first century." I told Tank. "Women drive."
"Only in my bed," Tank said. "Never in my car. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001575668
She was looking for -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001578031
I struggled to learn basic skills, get a grip on markets, find my own unique voice, create story lines and come up to speed with the industry. I struggled for ten years before having any success. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001581845
By about the sixth romance I knew I wasn't in exactly the right place. I liked writing action. And I wanted to write a book with a little more edge than I was allowed in romance. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001587730
I have people trying to kill me. A giraffe is low on my list of disturbances. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001594226
Morelli looked dazed. "What good is a gun without bullets?" "It's good for scaring people. Or you can hit people with it. Or you can use it to break windows ... or crack walnuts. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001597764
There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing.
Ranger -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001600071
With the exception of dessert, food is food. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001600121
I don't get writer's block because I don't believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001605605
Were really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way. -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001616641
My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco, -- Janet Evanovich
Janet Evanovich Quotes : pic 001616688
Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex ... a lot. But it's never going to replace cake. -- Janet Evanovich