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My thoughts are so clear that I wouldn't be surprised if he could see them blazing above my head like a neon sign outside a fish and chip shop. I fancy you. -- Jenny Downham
When I first saw Ellie, I knew it was her
she was my fantasy. I didn't want it to be true, but every time I met her it was obvious, and the funny thing was that she was better than the fantasy, like I got more stuff than I'd imagined. -- Jenny Downham
I've been told there are five stages of grief, and if that's true, then he's stuck in stage one; denial. -- Jenny Downham
Maybe you should say goodbye, Cal.'
'No.'
'It might be important.'
'It might make her die. -- Jenny Downham
I'm here. Soon I won't be. Zoey's baby is here. Its pulse tick-ticking. Soon it won't be. And when Zoey comes out of that room, having signed on the dotted line, she'll be different. She'll understand what I already know- that death surrounds us all.
And it tastes like metal between you teeth. -- Jenny Downham
Do you want this to be a love story? -- Jenny Downham
I want the people I love to get up and speak about me, and even if you cry it'll be OK. I want you to say honest things. -- Jenny Downham
I'm here, Tess. I'm right here, holding your hand. Adam's here, too, he's sitting on the other side of the bed. And Cal. Mum's on her way, she'll be just a minute. We all love you, Tessa. We're all right here with you. -- Jenny Downham
I can see inside planes!' he yells. 'Come and look!'
It's difficult climbing in a mini dress ... I haul myself up even though my arms ache. I want to see inside planes too. I want to watch the wind and catch birds in my fist. -- Jenny Downham
Parents don't know their children at all.
No one knows anyone, in fact. -- Jenny Downham
Death straps me to the hospital bed, claws its way onto my chest and sits there.I didn't know it would hurt this much. I didn't know that everything good that's ever happened in my life would be emptied out by it. -- Jenny Downham
I'm going because my life was crap until I met you. I'm going because I don't want to be here when you're not, still living with my mum and nothing being any different. I wouldn't even be thinking about going if it hadn't been for you. -- Jenny Downham
It hurts and hurts to have him this close. I feel sick with it. -- Jenny Downham
If she planted a seed, she'd have to dig it back up and look at it every day to see if it was growing yet. -- Jenny Downham
When he thought about her, he remembered her at the cottage, her eyes fiery, daring to love him. But standing here in front of him , she looked defeated and sad. -- Jenny Downham
The light is heart-breaking. -- Jenny Downham
Is this how it is for everyone?' she whispered.
'No.'
'How do you know?'
'I just do. I've never felt this with anyone before.'
'Serious?'
'Serious. That isn't a line.'
'Kiss me,' she said.
He did. Everywhere. -- Jenny Downham
Katie had a grandmother who was a man-eater and a father who was a lothario. What chance did she have of being decent and honest and kind? She'd kissed two girls and one boy in the space of a few weeks, so these things were clearly genetic. -- Jenny Downham
And now he's down this for me. He's made me famous. He's put my name on the world. -- Jenny Downham
I've always wanted to be a cat. Warm and domesticated when you want to be, wild when you don't. -- Jenny Downham
I didn't understand that when you make love, you actually do MAKE love. Stir things. Affect each other. The breath that escapes from me is dazzled. He breathes it in with a gasp. -- Jenny Downham
We make patterns, we share moments. Sometimes, I think I'm the only one to see it. -- Jenny Downham
I imagine horses in the engine, their manes flying, their breaths steaming, their nostrils flaring as they gallop. -- Jenny Downham
A little bird moves a mountain of sand one grain at a time it picks up one grain every million years and when the mountain has been moved the bird puts it all back again and that's how long eternity is and that's a very long time to be dead -- Jenny Downham
The last few weeks, it was as if someone had taken his life to pieces and let him see the way it worked. -- Jenny Downham
I love you. It hurts more than anything ever has, but I do. So don't you dare tell me I don't. Don't you ever say it again! -- Jenny Downham
What happens if anger takes you over, Tessa? Who will you be then? What will be left of you? -- Jenny Downham
Hey, listen,' I say. " Fascinating as this is, we've got to go now. I have to collect the invites for my funeral."
That shuts them up. Fiona looks astonished." Really?
" Yeah." I grab Zoey's arm. "It's a shame i can't be there myself - i like parties. Text me if you think of any good hymns! -- Jenny Downham
He says, 'Anything could be happening down there, but up here you just wouldn't know it.'
I know what he means. It could be pandemonium in all those little houses, everyone's dreams in a mess. But up here feels peaceful. Clean. -- Jenny Downham
Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, "God, it's cold."
Question: What's the probability they will kiss? -- Jenny Downham
Dust Glitter Rain -- Jenny Downham
Simona: Truth doesn't exist?
Katie: ...because everyone's got their own side of a story
...If there's no real truth, then all we can do is offer up our own stories and listen to other people's and try and make sense of it all -- Jenny Downham
Why do I feel like you're not on my side anymore? Please don't give up on me. -- Jenny Downham
She breathed her mantra - fire, earth, water, air - and told herself that the elements were older and stronger than any human and that these girls were insignificant, and one day they'd all be dust. -- Jenny Downham
I made a fatal error thinking he could save me. -- Jenny Downham
As an actor I worked for seven years with a community theater company based in London. We used improvisation techniques to take stories to young people who wouldn't normally have access to them - in prisons, hospitals, young offender's units, youth clubs and housing estates. -- Jenny Downham
She'd never in her whole life bunked school, smoked dope, or kissed a boy whose name she didn't know, and yet in the last few days, she'd done all these things. -- Jenny Downham
It's all right, Tessa, you can go. We love you. You can go now.'
'Why are you saying that?'
'She might need permission to die, Cal.'
'I don't want her to. She doesn't have my permission. -- Jenny Downham
And in the space he left behind, in the loss of him, she felt an actual physical pain in her belly. She'd lost a friend and she didn't have many of those. -- Jenny Downham
I get a lot of letters, mostly from family members who have been affected by cancer rather than young people themselves. I reply to them all. -- Jenny Downham
Like a stone falling in a pond, circles and circles of love ripple through me. -- Jenny Downham
It was only one man who had gone, but it felt like forever, something so permanent and unstoppable that it blasted her. If she were a tree, she would drop all her leaves. -- Jenny Downham
Three points for the dead slowly prising open the lids of their coffins. They want to hunt the living. They can't stop. Their throats have turned to liquid and their fingers glint under the weak autumn sun. -- Jenny Downham
She shrugs, goes over to the window and looks down at the garden. She circles a finger on the glass, then she says, "Maybe you should try an believe in God."
"Should I?"
"Yeah, maybe we all should. The entire human race. -- Jenny Downham
Hold my hand. Don't let go. -- Jenny Downham
Nurses never tell you what they know. They're hired for their cheeriness and the thickness of their hair. They need to look alive and healthy, to give the patients something to aim for. -- Jenny Downham
Adam will climb over the fence to steal me, maddened by my scent, by my roundness, the shine and health of me. -- Jenny Downham
I want you to be with me in the dark. To hold me. To keep loving me. To help me when I get scared. To come right to the edge and see what's there. -- Jenny Downham
You changed the rules of the universe when you fell in love with the enemy. -- Jenny Downham
Was this love? Because it hurt. It felt like a bit of glass stuck somewhere important - his heart or his head. And it was throbbing.
Novel You Against Me -- Jenny Downham
Was this love? Because it hurt. It was like a bit of glass stuck somewhere important - his heart or his head, and it was throbbing. -- Jenny Downham
Should we say something?' Cal asks.
'Goodbye, bird?' I suggest.
He nods. 'Goodbye, bird. Thank you for coming. And good luck. -- Jenny Downham
You want some sweet and lovely things, Tessa, but be careful. Other people can't always give you what you want. -- Jenny Downham
Humans are made from the nuclear ash of dead stars. He says that when I die, I'll return to dust, glitter, rain. -- Jenny Downham
I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish he lived in the wardrobe on a coat hanger. Whenever I wanted, I could get him out and he'd look at me the way boys do in films, as if I'm beautiful. -- Jenny Downham
But all that is warm will go cold. My ears will fall off and my eyes will melt. My mouth will be clamped shut. My lips will turn to glue.
... No taste or smell or touch or sound.Nothing to look at. Total emptiness for ever. -- Jenny Downham
Don't pretend to care. I don't need you as an anesthetic. -- Jenny Downham
I like you," he said.
He made it sound as if she was bound to disagree with him. She nodded. His face said he was telling her something very important.
He said, "I mean it. Whatever happens, you have to believe that. -- Jenny Downham
Every few years we disappear, Zoey. All our cells are replaced by others. Not a single bit of me is the same as when I was last in this room. -- Jenny Downham
I don't want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's. I want you to keep me at home until the funeral. Please can someone sit with me in case I get lonely? I promise not to scare you. -- Jenny Downham
It's as if a child with a brush and too much enthusiasm has been set free with a tin of black paint inside me. -- Jenny Downham
When I was four I almost fell down the shaft of a tin mine and when I was five the car rolled over on the motorway and when I was seven we went on holiday and the gas ring blew out in the caravan and nobody noticed
I've been dying all my life -- Jenny Downham
Maybe I'll come back as somebody else.
I'll be the wild-haired girl Adam meets in his first week at university. 'Hi, are you on the horticultural
course as well? -- Jenny Downham
The inside of the door is glossy white. A total re-paint. I touch it with my fingers, but it stays the same. It's so bright it makes the room waver at the edges. Every few years we disappear. -- Jenny Downham
When my second child was born, I gave up acting - two young children out on the road was too difficult to manage. I'd always written, but began to do so with real commitment now that it was my only creative outlet. I used all my acting techniques to do it. I still do. -- Jenny Downham
Cal says, Do you want to see my Megazord? You'll have to come to my room because it's defending a city and if I move it, everyone will die. -- Jenny Downham
Are you afraid, Tessa? -- Jenny Downham
I love you. I love you. I send this message through my fingers and into his, up his arm and into his heart. Hear me. I love you. And I'm sorry to leave you. -- Jenny Downham
She'll understand what I already know - that death surrounds us all. And it tastes like metal between your teeth. -- Jenny Downham
Every breath, every heartbeat, was one less until maybe things stopped hurting this much. -- Jenny Downham
I shrug him off. 'Can't you just go away?
There's a moment. It has a sound in it, as if something very small got broken. -- Jenny Downham
Alchemy, Dex called it, which was something to do with magic if you were French. -- Jenny Downham
I said I wouldn't leave her. -- Jenny Downham
It was strange how words meant something when they came out of your mouth. Inside your head they were safe and silent, but once they were outside, people grabbed hold of them. -- Jenny Downham
. . . my bones they'll burn or bury. It'll be my death. -- Jenny Downham
If you want a girl to like you, you have to listen like a woman and love like a man. -- Jenny Downham
If I learnt anything at all about terminal illness in my research, it's that the experience is different for everyone. I do believe that life becomes concentrated when it's boundaried and that death is the biggest boundary of all. -- Jenny Downham
Instructions for Adam
Look after no one except yourself. Go to university and make lots of friends and get drunk. Forget your door keyes. Laugh. Eat pot-noodles for breakfast. Miss lectures. Be irresponsible. -- Jenny Downham
Keep breathing. Just keep doing it. It's easy. In and out. -- Jenny Downham
I miss him as soon as he goes. When he isn't with me, I think I made him up. -- Jenny Downham
Don't think you have to be good because you're the only one left. Be as bad as you like. -- Jenny Downham
I want to die in my own way. It's my illness, my death, my choice. This is what saying yes means. -- Jenny Downham
Her skin tasted expensive. -- Jenny Downham
I used to believe that Dad could do anything, save me from anything. But he can't, he's just a man. -- Jenny Downham
That slow smile again. I love that smile! DId I think he was ugly just now? No, his face is transformed. -- Jenny Downham
Like a tree losing its leaves. I forget even the thing I was thinking. -- Jenny Downham
When he isn't with me, I think ive made him up. -- Jenny Downham
No, really. I free you.'
I don't want to be free. -- Jenny Downham
Then she says, 'I love you.' Like three drops of blood falling onto snow. -- Jenny Downham
We'll kill him on the green with a five iron. -- Jenny Downham
I don't think words reach people. Maybe nothing does -- Jenny Downham
A glimpse of light reflected in his eyes. Stars shining there perhaps. Or the moon. -- Jenny Downham
Day after day it was as if someone had taken my life apart and polished every bit of it really carefully before putting it all back together. -- Jenny Downham
Humans are made from nuclear ash of dead stars -- Jenny Downham
Spring is a powerful spell.
The blue. The clouds high up and puffy. The air warmer than it's been for weeks. -- Jenny Downham
Bye, Tess. haunt me if you like. I don't mind. -- Jenny Downham
I never plan a structure. I like surprises. I'm quite disciplined and sit at my desk every day and just write. -- Jenny Downham
I'm me and you're you, and all of them out there are them. And we're all so different and equally unimportant. -- Jenny Downham
We make patterns, we share moments. -- Jenny Downham
She needed food. Diets didn't count in a crisis. -- Jenny Downham
A fine silver rain, like cobwebs falling. -- Jenny Downham
It's utterly beautiful not to know my own edges. -- Jenny Downham
I wish it was possible to smear cancer cells onto his arse. -- Jenny Downham
I don't want to be dead. I haven't been loved this way for long enough. -- Jenny Downham
Every seven years our bodies change, every cell. Every seven years, we disappear. -- Jenny Downham
I'd like to go home now,' she said softly. She hoped someone would show her the way. -- Jenny Downham
I want a magician with a cloak and wand, or a knight with a sword, someone fearless. -- Jenny Downham
She wishes she was old. She'd swap her life to be in a life that was nearly over, so long as she didn't have to be here. -- Jenny Downham
If I could buck, I would. If I could howl at the moon, then I would. To feel this, when I'd thought it was
over, when my body's closing down and I thought I'd have no pleasure from it again.
I am blessed. -- Jenny Downham
I lean back on the pillows and look at the corners of the room. When I was a kid, I always wanted to live on the ceiling - it looked so clean and uncluttered, like the top of a cake. -- Jenny Downham
Number two on my list is simple. I must say yes to everything for one whole day. Whatever it is and whoever asks it of me. -- Jenny Downham
Funny how when life was that simple, you never really realized how lucky you were. -- Jenny Downham
Adam blows smoke at the town below. Says, 'Anything could be happening down there, but up here you just wouldn't know it. -- Jenny Downham
Ill haunt you,' I tell him. 'But from inside. Every time you cough you'll think of me. -- Jenny Downham