Explore the most impactful and insightful quotes and sayings by John Scalzi, and enrich your perspective with the wisdom. Share these inspiring John Scalzi quotes pictures with your friends on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blogs, completely free. Here are the top 325 John Scalzi quotes for you to read and share.

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What's messed up here isn't that this guy thinks we're on a television show. What's messed up here is that as far as I can tell, at this point, it's the most rational explanation for what's going on. -- John Scalzi
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I have to tell him that the sheep we're looking for is a woman who runs a pet store," Creek said. "I think telling him his younger brother's been resurrected as a computer program might be a little much for one day." Archie -- John Scalzi
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Now What?" Kerensky said. "We wait," Dahl said. "For how long?" Kerensky said, " As long as dramatically appropriate," Dahl said. -- John Scalzi
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Jesus," Kerensky said, looking around. "You people. I have one of the most incredible experiences I'll ever have, talking with the one person who really gets me - who really understands me - and you're all down here thinking I'm performing some sort of time-travelling incestuous masturbation thing. -- John Scalzi
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Would you like some help with your duct work, sir?" Dahl asked. "Please," Kerensky said. * -- John Scalzi
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blackballed from guild roles for two generations, because apparently mutiny is in the DNA, like eye color or a tendency toward irritable bowels. On -- John Scalzi
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You asked for help," Wilson said. I also tried to blow up your ship with you in it. "That was before you knew me," Wilson said. I'm sorry about that. "I'm not going to tell you not to be sorry," Wilson said, "but I can understand wanting to get your body back. -- John Scalzi
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I am also aware that ideals are hard to practice, especially when they are new. -- John Scalzi
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words themselves are action; they do not simply describe the world but in a very real sense make the world. Therefore it makes sense to pay attention to the worlds people are attempting to create in their words. -- John Scalzi
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What we need to do, as writers, is find out where our market is and adapt to it. I'm not saying that you follow every trend slavishly, but what you see is that, if there is a sea-change in the way that things are being done, then you account for it. -- John Scalzi
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It's not exactly surprising that staying sane is useful when trying to hit performance markers. -- John Scalzi
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There's a difference between the fact that the universe is inherently unfair on a cosmic level, and the fact that life is unfair because people are actively making it so. -- John Scalzi
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The Yherajk were a less immediate but infinitely more complicated problem - alien globs who want to befriend a humanity that, if asked, would probably prefer to be befriended by something with an endoskeleton. -- John Scalzi
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If knew you were going to drug me, kidnap me, and take me back to the dark ages with out my pants, I never would have slept with you. -- John Scalzi
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For all we know, this" - he scrolled up on the phone screen to find a label - "this Wikipedia information database here is compiled by complete idiots. -- John Scalzi
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One of Harvey's guiding lights in terms of strategies was simplicity; all things being equal, Harvey preferred the course of action that let him get into the middle of things and then just buckle down. -- John Scalzi
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I can describe to you the taste of government cheese. -- John Scalzi
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Well, I miss my wife, you know," I said. "But I also miss the feeling of, I don't know, comfort. The sense you're where you're supposed to be, with someone you're supposed to be with. -- John Scalzi
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Well, isn't that just like religion for you, Archie," he said. "One day it's a nice way to spend your weekends and the next you're in the middle of a righteous theological clusterfuck. -- John Scalzi
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Well, that's science fiction television for you, though," Abnett said. "Someone's got to be the red shirt. -- John Scalzi
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You can't afford anthropomorphic biases when some of the aliens most like us would rather make human hamburgers than peace. -- John Scalzi
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If you ever want to feel like you're on the verge of total, abject bowel-releasing terror, try making your way a klick or two out of a forest, at night, with the certain feeling you're being hunted. It makes you feel alive, it really does, but not in a way you want to feel alive. -- John Scalzi
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Remember that the plant wants to eat you," the groundskeeper said. "It's not going to let you get away. Don't fight it. Let yourself be eaten." "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm finding your advice to be less than one hundred percent helpful, -- John Scalzi
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Hickory clicked something to Dickory in their native tongue; Dickory clicked back. Hickory responded, and Dickory replied, it seemed a bit forcefully. And then, God help me, Hickory actually sighed. -- John Scalzi
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I think that what I do, in terms of how I craft my words rhetorically, is fairly simple stuff. I don't mean that to denigrate myself. I mean that in the sense of, when I write, the person that I keep in mind is my mother-in-law. -- John Scalzi
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Teenagers can be idiotic and stupid, but teenagers also model their behavior from the signals they get from adults. -- John Scalzi
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When you're a kid all you want to do is be somewhere else. -- John Scalzi
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What is competent writing? Competent writing is writing that efficiently describes ideas and concepts to an audience, using a grammar that the audience can understand. -- John Scalzi
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I don't think we're at the point where most people are willing to get rid of body parts and replace them, but then again, people who shoot lasers in their eyes come out with better-than-perfect vision. -- John Scalzi
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Wes is Wes," Alastair said. "One in every family. I love him, but I think of him as a sarcastic pet. -- John Scalzi
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Well, 'explode' maybe isn't the most accurate term. What actually happens is much more interesting. -- John Scalzi
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We buy time where we may." "You bought yourself time," Oi agreed. "I don't think it's of very good quality. -- John Scalzi
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I love her more than I actually express in words - an irony for a writer - and am every day genuinely amazed I get to spend my life with her. -- John Scalzi
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(Obin: "it," not "he" or "she." Because they're hermaphrodites. That means male and female sex organs. Go ahead and have your giggle. I'll wait. Okay, done? Good.) -- John Scalzi
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But everyone knows you need fireworks to make independence official. -- John Scalzi
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Whether you're an extra or the hero, this story is about to end. When it's done, whatever you want to be will be up to you and only you. It will happen away from the eyes of any audience and from the hand of any writer. You will be your own man. -- John Scalzi
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I grew up in southern California in the '80s. Yes, I am a walking cliche. -- John Scalzi
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That's a distinction that's going to make a lot of difference to the ninety percent of humanity that doesn't know the difference between astrology and astronomy, -- John Scalzi
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I'm continually confronted with the human tendency to ignore or deny facts until the last possible instant. And then for several days after that, too." Attavio -- John Scalzi
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I mean that you and I know that in this universe, God is a hack," he said. "He's a writer on an awful science fiction television show, and He can't plot His way out of a box. How do you have faith when you know that? -- John Scalzi
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I seem to be good at speaking the politicians' language," Szilard said. "Apparently there's an advantage around here to being mildly socially retarded, and that's the Special Forces for sure. -- John Scalzi
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And when I say "exploded" I mean "interacted catastrophically with the topography of space/time in ways we're not entirely able to explain," but "explode" gets the gist of it, particularly with regard to what would happen to a human caught in it. -- John Scalzi
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No matter what, the Earth is fucked," Rigney said. "Excuse the language, but that's the gist of what I'm hearing from you. -- John Scalzi
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Part of what makes us human is what we mean to other people, and what people mean to us. I miss meaning something to someone, having that part of being human. -- John Scalzi
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Other science fiction shows had science advisers and consultants," Hanson pointed out.
"It's science fiction, " Weinstein said. "The second part of that phrase matters too."
"But you're making it bad science fiction," Hester said. "And we have to live in it. -- John Scalzi
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I would say I'm a medium-sized 'Star Trek' fan. I love the universe that it's created. -- John Scalzi
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What is it like when you lose someone you love?" Jane asked.
"You die, too. And you wait around for your body to catch up. -- John Scalzi
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Is it a shark made of ice?" Hanoen asked. "Or a shark that lives in ice? -- John Scalzi
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He decided he'd rather die as a fundamentally decent human being than live as the sort of asshole who'd tear out someone's liver to get into an escape pod. -- John Scalzi
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Making people change because you can't deal with who they are isn't how it's supposed to be done. What needs to be done is for people to pull their heads out of their asses. You say 'cure.' I hear 'you're not human enough. -- John Scalzi
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Only Norway regularly sends colonists from Europe, and we all know of that country's ecological disasters. -- John Scalzi
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Which is why Mom, when she's being indiscreet, refers to the trophy room as the "vet's office." Because that's where Dad brings people to take their balls. -- John Scalzi
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How do you like your peace now, motherfucker? -- John Scalzi
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The Fflict recognized five genders: male, female, zhial, yal, and neuter. Aul was zhial, and ze liked zis pronouns accurately stated. I would too, in zis position. -- John Scalzi
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Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I need to play Russian roulette with our planet's future with the bullet you've so thoughtfully provided. I hope you don't mind if I don't see you out. -- John Scalzi
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The assumption that simple = stupid. But it's not true; indeed, I find from personal experience that the stupidest writers are the ones whose writing is positively baroque in form. -- John Scalzi
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Apparently you don't have to understand physics to protest. -- John Scalzi
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So all of it - local and archived data - went up with the lab building. Vann glanced over to me with an expression that I suspect meant these people were sloppy. -- John Scalzi
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Who are you, who is so wise in the way of alien fungus? -- John Scalzi
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My characters were ... rebelling against something ... My own bad writing. I wouldn't do for my characters what they needed for me to do - be courageous enough in my writing to make them interesting. -- John Scalzi
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She was my friend. Briefly, she was my lover. She was braver than I ever would have been in the moment of death. And I bet she was a hell of a shooting star. -- John Scalzi
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If you want me to treat your ideas with more respect, get some better ideas. -- John Scalzi
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Fear enters the room and sits down in a chair and with a polite smile asks to open negotiations. -- John Scalzi
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Is it painful?" the groundskeeper asked. "I am asking for science. -- John Scalzi
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I can think of no better way to die than as a martyr for my race and my way of life," Smyrt said. "And if the Colonial Union dies with us, then I will welcome its diluted population as our honor guard into hell. -- John Scalzi
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If your flirting strategy is indistinguishable from harassment, it's not everyone else that's the problem. -- John Scalzi
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You'll notice that the Intrepid's inertial dampeners don't work as well in crisis situations, Dahl remembered Jenkins telling them. The ship could do hairpin turns and loop-de-loops any other time and you'd never notice. But whenever there's a dramatic event, there goes your footing. -- John Scalzi
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Szilard looked over at Robbins. "Is it true?" he said. "Which part, sir?" Robbins said. "That you don't like General Mattson," Szilard said. "He can take some getting used to, sir," Robbins said. "By which he means I'm an asshole, -- John Scalzi
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The good news is I peed before going to sleep. -- John Scalzi
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I served with that son of a bitch, Corporal. Ruiz wouldn't compliment his mother for giving birth to him, if you know what I mean. -- John Scalzi
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The Scooby gang doesn't travel because they are looking for crimes to solve. They travel because they're one step ahead of the deprogrammers. Somehow, Fred's got them all snookered. It probably has something to do with the Scooby Snacks. -- John Scalzi
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Harvey knew what he was and what he was best at: He was a noisy son of a bitch and he was good at making things fall down and go boom. -- John Scalzi
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If your social consciousness seems stuck in 1975, 2014 is gonna be a rough ride. -- John Scalzi
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People are worried about their bodies. They're worried about disease. They're worried about how they are able to get out and participate in the world. -- John Scalzi
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That's what I'd ask you to do: Hope for peace. Because I know that I would love to be able to lay down my weapon and get to being a colonist. Just like you are. Just like I want to be. -- John Scalzi
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Making peace is often a simple thing, but simple isn't the same thing as easy. -- John Scalzi
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But define 'completely ridiculous shit,'" Duvall said. "Does space travel count? Contact with alien races? Does quantum physics count? Because I don't understand that crap at all. As far as I'm concerned, quantum physics could have been written by a hack. -- John Scalzi
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It takes a certain kind of dog to willingly demote himself from alpha dog, and that dog was Carl. Holloway would have to speak to him about it, for what little good it would do, Carl being a dog and all. -- John Scalzi
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Jack Holloway told me he would get the son of a bitch who killed my child and the mate of my child," Papa continued. "Jack Holloway did get that son of a bitch. Jack Holloway got you. You are the man who killed my child. Get off my planet, you son of a bitch. -- John Scalzi
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Pleasure doing business with you, Chad," Holloway said, setting down the infopanel. "Please die in a fire, Jack," Bourne said. -- John Scalzi
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I do not mind when you tell me what you want and put that first instead of last. -- John Scalzi
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His progress was more lateral than forward. -- John Scalzi
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It's a hell of a thing to say good-bye to your whole life. -- John Scalzi
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After watching Star Wars everyone wanted a lightsaber and was irritated that the technology for them didn't really exist. Everyone also agreed the Ewoks should all die. -- John Scalzi
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On the sixth day, Jared and the rest of the 8th finally figured out what that sex thing was all about. On the seventh day, and as a direct consequence of the sixth day, they rested. -- John Scalzi
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Can I just wrap up this whole line of conversation by saying I really don't give a shit whether you're upset? If you were actually hurt, or dead, then I'd say sorry. But you're not, so suck it up. -- John Scalzi
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Many of the writers who have inspired me most are outside the genre: Humorists like Robert Benchley and James Thurber, screenwriters like Ben Hecht and William Goldman, and journalists/columnists like H.L. Mencken, Mike Royko and Molly Ivins. -- John Scalzi
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Imagine waking up and finding your first and last view of the world was a shotgun barrel. That'd be a hell of a life. -- John Scalzi
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I don't care whether I really exist or don't, whether I'm real or fictional. What I want right now is to be the person who decides my own fate. -- John Scalzi
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Part of me was once someone you loved - she sent. I think that part of me wants to be loved by you again, and wants me to love you as well. I can't be her. I can just be me. But I think you could love me if you wanted to. I want you to. Come to me when you can. I'll be here. -- John Scalzi
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And so we learn how simple it is to change the history of the universe," Sorvalh said. "All you need is for every other thing to have gone so horribly wrong -- John Scalzi
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In all of the history of professional sports, the Cubs are the ultimate symbol of complete failure. -- John Scalzi
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I both love and am terrified by Greg Van Eekhout's vision of Los Angeles. I already want to go back. -- John Scalzi
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Sometimes in life you're going to win and sometimes you're going to lose. But just because you lose doesn't mean the other guy needs to win. -- John Scalzi
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For as much as I hate the cemetery, I've been grateful it's here, too. I miss my wife. It's easier to miss her at a cemetery, where she's never been anything but dead, than to miss her in all the places where she was alive. -- John Scalzi
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Look," he said. "We'd like you to return the salary." "Oh, is that all?" I said. "Heck. That's easy. The answer is no." "What?" "No." "No?" "What part of that two-letter word don't you understand, Brad?" I asked. "Was it the vowel that threw you, or the consonant ? -- John Scalzi
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I'm perfectly fine with the fact that lots of young folks are wanting to watch anime and read manga. I'm perfectly happy that they are doing things online, reading there as opposed to traditional print magazines. -- John Scalzi
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He didn't exactly have the "programmer" look to him, if you know what I mean. He'd be the programmer's boss. The one they hated. The one who made them work on holidays. -- John Scalzi
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Yes, he's an equal opportunity asshole," Szilard said. "And he's aware of it, which he thinks means it's okay. -- John Scalzi
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There's a saying: "May you live in interesting times." To begin, it's a curse. "Interesting" in this case uniformly means "Oh god, death is raining down upon us and we shall all perish wailing and possibly on fire. -- John Scalzi
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Some planets evolved genetic structures roughly similar to Earth's, incorporating some if not all the nucleotides involved in terrestrial genetics (perhaps not coincidentally, the intelligent species of these planets have been known to consume humans from time to time; -- John Scalzi
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Damn real live people, getting in the way of peaceful ideals. -- John Scalzi
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I could not personally care less about whether JT Leroy turns out to be fictional or not. I find fictional people writing fiction no more or less objectionable than real people writing fiction, because it's fiction, -- John Scalzi
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I do think people of good will can have different opinions but still be coming not from a place of malice. -- John Scalzi
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Yes, Hart, I went commando to a diplomatic function," Harry said, and then motioned to his body. "And now, as you can see, I'm going Spartan so a midget can whack me with a stick." He bent and picked up his Bongka. "Honestly, Hart. Help me out here. Focus a little. -- John Scalzi
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I want to be there when you question him." "No you don't." "I really do." "Let me put it another way, Lord Marce. Fuck you, go away. -- John Scalzi
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Dirk Moeller didn't know if he could fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out. -- John Scalzi
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The failure mode of clever is "asshole. -- John Scalzi
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It's better to be a dog in peace, than a man in war. -- John Scalzi
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Occam's razor theory of combat: The simplest way of kicking someone's ass was usually the correct one. -- John Scalzi
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Who are you and what medications aren't you taking? Finn said. -- John Scalzi
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The diagnostic said there was nothing wrong with the threep, which may have meant there was something wrong with the diagnostic. -- John Scalzi
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Q'eeng had just attempted in the third dialect the traditional rightward schism greeting of "I offer you the bread of life," but his phrasing and accent had transmuted the statement into "Let us violate cakes together. -- John Scalzi
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There aren't a lot of humans who speak more than one dialect of Forshan. I know all four of the major ones.'

'Impressive,' Duvall Said.

'I'm good with my tongue,' Dahl said.

'Now who's being forward?' Duvall asked. -- John Scalzi
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I didn't choose the Nerd Life. The Nerd Life chose me. Awkwardly and without making eye contact. -- John Scalzi
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Don't discount that part of who he was just because you didn't know it. None of us are all of who we are to any one person. -- John Scalzi
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I tell people the first time I decided to write a novel I was in my mid-20s, and it was, 'Well, it's time to see if I can do this.' I basically flipped a coin to see if I was going to write science fiction or if I was going to do a crime novel. The coin toss went to science fiction. -- John Scalzi
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Again I ask permission to be blunt." "Ambassador Abumwe, at this point I cannot imagine you being otherwise. -- John Scalzi
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I did two things on my seventy-fifth birthday. I visited my wife's grave. Then I joined the army.
Visiting Kathy's grave was the less dramatic of the two. -- John Scalzi
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As a general rule when it's a city bus versus any biological creature, it's safe to bet on the bus. -- John Scalzi
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With sentences, shorter is better than longer: -- John Scalzi
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Years working at a newspaper. You learn to write fast and reasonably good and in a manner which does not require substantial editing. Or your editors and copyeditors stab you to death and hang your corpse in the newsroom as a warning to the other staff writers. -- John Scalzi
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I don't think it matters what age you are when you figure it out," Brous said. "I think the important thing is to figure it out before someone else tells you what you want to be, and they get it wrong. -- John Scalzi
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When I was twelve, my appendix burst, and as they were wheeling my ass into the operating room, I asked the doctor, "How will this affect my piano playing?" and he said, "Don't worry, you'll still be able to play the piano," and I said, "Wow! I wasn't able to before!" And then they gassed me. -- John Scalzi
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It's not that Seaborg disliked Harvey, but after a couple of combat drops with the 2nd Platoon one got the sense that if you didn't like things to explode unnecessarily around you, you would want to stay well clear of Daniel Harvey. -- John Scalzi
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This is the last time I would ever visit the cemetery or my wife's grave, but I didn't want to expend too much effort in trying to remember it. As I said, this is the place where she's never been anything but dead. There's not much value in remembering that. -- John Scalzi
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Roanoke was deep into spring - which was really pretty, even if it turned out that all the native blooms smelled like rotten meat dipped in sewer sauce (that description courtesy of Magdy, who could string together a phrase now and then). -- John Scalzi
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This brings me back to my question about my karma," Wilson said. "You probably set kittens on fire," Schmidt said. "And the rest of us were probably there with you, with skewers. -- John Scalzi
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After another few days, I noticed I became annoyed whenever I would actually have to ask Asshole for something. How quickly the creepy becomes commonplace. -- John Scalzi
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Lovely," Wilson said, looking at the display. "And by 'lovely,' I mean 'Oh, crap. -- John Scalzi
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We have a problem," he said. "Is this another 'I think we have a potential energy flow' kind of problem?" Coloma asked. "No, this is a 'Holy shit, we're all definitely going to die a horrible death in the cold endless dark of space' kind of problem," Basquez said. "We'll be right down," Coloma said. -- John Scalzi
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When I'm writing a novel or doing other serious writing work, I do it on a schedule that dictates writing either 2,000 words a day or writing until noon. After I hit whichever mark comes first, then I can give my attention to everything else I have to do. -- John Scalzi
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Still, I'd like to know how you came up with that line of reasoning." "You can thank a rabbi," Javna said. "And a hot dog. -- John Scalzi
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Were technically their security detail. Chen, who was new, -- John Scalzi
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I thought this was a matter of some urgency, Harry." "It is," I said. "But I fell from the sky today. I could use a couple of waffles. -- John Scalzi
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Did she tell you I set puppies on fire, too?" Vann asked. "She did not," I said. "It may have been implied. -- John Scalzi
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I don't think food safety laws are going to protect you from a third carnitas burrito," Hanson said. "That's not about food safety. It's about pork fat overload. -- John Scalzi
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Ultimately, people write to be understood (excepting Gertrude Stein and Tristan Tzara, who were intentionally being difficult). -- John Scalzi
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Relations were never good (how comfortable can you really be with a race that sees you as a nutritious part of a complete breakfast). -- John Scalzi
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If there's one thing that distinguishes the human species, it is a pathological need to stay connected. The fact your people will interrupt sex to answer your communicators is a scandal across the entire Common Confederation. -- John Scalzi
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In general there should be gay characters in YA because a) surprise, there are gay folks everywhere and b) in my opinion as a father, there's not a damn thing wrong with my child encountering gay folks in her literature, because see point a). -- John Scalzi
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It's war, you jackasses," Keyes snapped. "I'm sorry it's not terribly convenient or comfortable for you. -- John Scalzi
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Some of your writer friends will do better than you, by whatever standard you decide "better" counts as. And you know what you should do? Be happy for them, you neurotic twit. -- John Scalzi
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In the next room, a very nice young lady, who happened to be completely naked, wanted me to tell her anything I could possibly remember about my seventh birthday party. -- John Scalzi
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Well, life is like that sometimes", Isabel said. "We learn things too late, and then we don't get to use them. -- John Scalzi
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To everyone who thinks writing a sequel should be easy because you've already clreated the universe: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Heh. No. -- John Scalzi
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Moeller also immediately discounted insults about competence, as the incompetent never question their competence about anything. -- John Scalzi
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You're insane!"

"Call me HAL and make me sing 'Daisy, Daisy'. -- John Scalzi
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I'm a monster. You're a monster. We're all fucking inhuman monsters, and we don't see a damned thing wrong with it. -- John Scalzi
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As a reader, I have a very short attention span and a low tolerance for boredom, and I find that comes in handy with my writing. If I get bored writing something, I pity the people who will then try to read it. -- John Scalzi
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It is sort of remarkable to me how much grief can well up when a pet dies, until one remembers that they are in fact people, who just happen not to be human. -- John Scalzi
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The reality is more complicated, but as with most humans, the people on Earth prefer the simple answer. -- John Scalzi
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If someone is telling you to live in interesting times, they are basically telling you they want you to die horribly, and to suffer terribly before you do. Seriously, they are not your friend. This is a tip I am giving you for free. -- John Scalzi
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The recruiting office was a small storefront in a nondescript strip mall; there was a state liquor authority store on one side of it and a tattoo parlor on the other. Depending on what order you went into each, you could wake up the next morning in some serious trouble. -- John Scalzi
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Picking you to have your brain plucked out of your body is not my idea of a favor, some part of my brain said. Good point, brain, I thought, ignoring that I was now speaking to myself. -- John Scalzi
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Mom, I remember Lizzie," Hart said. "She's really not my type." "She has a brother," Wes said, from his lounge. "He's not my type, either," Hart said. -- John Scalzi
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I despise you and I love you, you who are my damnation and salvation both. -- John Scalzi
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I didn't mind getting old when I was young. It's the being old now that's getting to me. -- John Scalzi
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I failed angst in high school. They let me graduate anyway. -- John Scalzi
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How did you get here, anyway?" "It's classified." "I'm close enough to stab you with a fork. -- John Scalzi
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Personally speaking, when everything is boiled down to the marrow, I think the reason Reddit tolerates the creepy forums has to do with money more than anything else. -- John Scalzi
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There is a saying along the lines of not trying to teach a pig to sing because it wastes your time and annoys the pig. I want you to know how many times I have stood in pig-filled rooms, and longed to annoy. I -- John Scalzi
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I'm a seething cauldron of disconnected rage on the inside, Lieutenant." "Ah, repression," Keyes said. "Excellent. Try to avoid taking a potshot at me when you finally blow, please." "I can't promise anything, sir," Alan said. -- John Scalzi
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How much did you love her?" Jane asked. "Your wife. Kathy. When people are married for a long time, maybe they stay together out of habit." "Sometimes they do," I said. "But I loved her very much. All the time we were married. I love her now. -- John Scalzi
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Star Wars is not entertainment. Star Wars is George Lucas masturbating to a picture of Joseph Campbell and conning billions of people into watching the money shot. -- John Scalzi
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Listen to me or don't. But if you don't, you'll be dead. And then where will you be? Dead, that's where. -- John Scalzi
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The more I want a book to be done, the faster I type because I just want to get it out. -- John Scalzi
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Conservatives: Self-hating moral relativists, unless you can convince me that an intellectual class that publicly praises family values but privately engages in sodomy, coke and trophy wives is more aptly described in some other way. -- John Scalzi
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Maybe it's just that no one knows how to conduct a real literary feud anymore, online or otherwise. -- John Scalzi
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I'm a terrific boss, and I'll brutally sabotage the career of any underling who says different. -- John Scalzi
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I opened the door for him; he took off like a furry heat-seeking slobber missile. -- John Scalzi
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And it had worked; he had looked like a fool when he attempted to call out the general. What I and the general had underestimated were the number of other assembly members who would willingly continue to follow a fool. -- John Scalzi
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Colonization is the key to our race's survival. It's as simple as that. We must colonize or be closed off and contained by other races. -- John Scalzi
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Do your people have racists? People who believe they are inherently superior to all other types of intelligent people?" "We have some," Sorvalh said. "They're generally agreed to be idiots. -- John Scalzi
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How is it so far?" asked Cloud. "How is what so far?" "This," Cloud said, and motioned around him. "Life. The universe. Everything. -- John Scalzi
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It's not whether she tells everyone," Huma said. "It's whether they believe her." "It's the truth." "Oh, my daughter," Huma said, and smiled. "Don't tell me you don't know how little that actually means. -- John Scalzi
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Pope was aware there were other ways to get more diplomatic respect than bigger guns, of course. But while other diplomatic maneuvers sometimes worked and sometimes didn't, ultimately a big damn gun always commanded respect. -- John Scalzi
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Oh, God," I said. "Thank you so very much for the mental image of Dad as a teenage sack of hormones. That's the sort of image that takes therapy to get rid of. -- John Scalzi
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You don't win by getting through all your life not having done anything. -- John Scalzi
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She was old and crankily conservative in the way only old liberals could be. -- John Scalzi
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It was interesting what you could do, when your enemy was officially your ally. And unaware you knew it was your enemy. -- John Scalzi
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Fear sits and smiles and is predatory, immobile and silent and serene; an observer who conserves his energy and is content to wait. -- John Scalzi
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Reddit is not a public utility or a public square; it's a privately owned space on the Internet. -- John Scalzi
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The way that I write novels in particular is I don't usually outline; I just write. Part of the fun is discovering what's happening in the story as I'm going along. -- John Scalzi
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Captain Sophia Coloma looked every inch of what she was, which was the sort of person who was not here to put up with your shit. -- John Scalzi
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People start panicking because they think it's the end of everything. But the fact is, you know, books survived movies; books survived TV. Books are surviving manga and anime. Books will always be there in one form or another. You just have a larger palette of entertainment options. -- John Scalzi
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I propose a toast. Here's to being right all the time. May God and history forgive us. They all clinked glasses to that. -- John Scalzi
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If they can work out the kinks, it could revolutionize space travel." " 'Work out the kinks'?" Jared said. "I'm about to use this thing. Kinks are bad. -- John Scalzi
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Ultimately, the first, best step in getting your work noticed is to write good work. If people don't engage in your writing, no amount of serialization or free downloads is going to matter. You have to write something worth reading, and often it takes time to get at that level. -- John Scalzi
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It was designed to operate with minimal assistance from humans, who were without exception the moving part most likely to fail. -- John Scalzi
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By the time I'm 75 and I have a new hip, and my eyes are laser cleaned of cataracts, I wont think I'm a bionic man. I think that's just how technology works. The posthuman future of humanity will not announce itself; it will just creep up on us. -- John Scalzi
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You would rather face a life without me than to have me choose a life I would not choose for myself. -- John Scalzi
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Breakfast was amazing, and I say that having been married to a woman who could make a breakfast spread that would have made Gandhi stop a fast. -- John Scalzi
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The idea of spending another six hours with Leon and his farts was more than I could take. -- John Scalzi
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Attempting to use a biological agent against your enemy while avoiding its effects on you is like trying to use a grenade by holding onto it and hoping all the shrapnel flies in the direction of the person you want to kill. -- John Scalzi
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Either every member of your pure race of human dies, or every human dies. And, well ... you know how mongrels think, Mr. Smyrt. They have no appreciation for the perfection of purity. -- John Scalzi
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It's not a bad idea." "It's a terrible idea," Oi said. "It just has the advantage of being better than the other option. -- John Scalzi
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Do any of the private companies send reps or IT guys here? -- John Scalzi
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You threw him into space?" "Yup." "And he didn't die?" "We only threw him out a little bit." Marce -- John Scalzi
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Here's a quick rule of thumb: Don't annoy science fiction writers. These are people who destroy entire planets before lunch. Think of what they'll do to you. -- John Scalzi
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I find some amusement at the idea of you as a child, of you reaching no higher than my waist, of you big-eyed, and your big head wobbly on your neck, looking at the world with curiosity if not comprehension, needing to wait years to know enough to know how little you know. -- John Scalzi
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You could say our new colonies live off the bodies of the dead. Only they're not really the bodies of the dead. They're just the cast-off bodies of the living. -- John Scalzi
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If you have any questions, your PDA can port into the Henry Hudson information system and use the AI interface to assist you; just use your stylus to write the question or speak it into your PDA's microphone. -- John Scalzi
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If memory serves, the last time we met there were also exploding starships," I said, to Wilson. "That's odd," Lowen said. "The last time I saw Harry, there were exploding starships, too." "It's coincidental," Wilson said, looking at Lowen and then at me. -- John Scalzi
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Sooner or later the Narrative will come for each of us. -- John Scalzi
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My marriage had its ups and downs like anyone's, but when it came down to it, I knew it was solid. I miss that sort of security, and that sort of connection with someone. -- John Scalzi
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When I was 10, I was hit by a car, which turned my right tibia into a jigsaw puzzle. -- John Scalzi
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But individuals are not precise mirrors of their nations. And -- John Scalzi
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For two years, all you have to do is go where they tell you, stay behind your rifle, and kill and not be killed. It's simple, but simple isn't the same as easy. -- John Scalzi
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The moral of the story was not to wear a red shirt. Or go on away missions when you're the only one whose name isn't on the opening credits. -- John Scalzi
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The universe isn't going to be conquered by legions of geriatrics. No offense. -- John Scalzi
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Well, let's start with the big one," Creek said. "You're your own nation." Robin considered that for a moment. "For your sake, that had better not be a comment about the size of my ass," she said. The -- John Scalzi
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The story of how I left Huckleberry begins
as do all worthy stories
with a goat -- John Scalzi
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God damn it," Thomas said as he sat down at the table, carrying a tray so piled with food that it was a miracle he could even lift it. "Aren't we all just too good-looking for words. -- John Scalzi
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Well, I'm sorry my telling the truth about the stupid things you do is inconvenient for you, -- John Scalzi
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You can be happy anywhere, if you have the right point of view. And the ability to ignore the smell of an entire planet. -- John Scalzi
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I'm guessing you thought I was way off on your political philosophy but right on the button about the other two. Just think about that for a while. -- John Scalzi
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Do not mourn me, friends
I fall as a shooting star
Into the next life -- John Scalzi
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Stop whining like a fucking child." "You could have just said, 'I need your help.'" "All right. I need your help. Stop whining like a fucking child." "That's not better. -- John Scalzi
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Every creature has a survival instinct. It looks like fear but it's not the same thing. Fear isn't the desire to avoid death or pain. Fear is rooted in the knowledge that what you recognize as yourself can cease to exist. Fear is existential. -- John Scalzi
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Never anger a sci-fi writer. These people destroy entire planets over lunch. Imagine what they'll do to you. -- John Scalzi
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Are we there yet?" I asked Joshua. "No," Joshua said. "Are we there yet?" I said. "No." "Are we there yet?" "No." "Are we there yet?" "Yes," Joshua said. "Stop the car. -- John Scalzi
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Isn't that weird?" I said. "All the different types of sentient species in the universe, and we're all different, but we all drink coffee. -- John Scalzi
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I've always liked swimming, so long as my head's above water. -- John Scalzi
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The problem with aging is not that it's one damn thing after another - it's every damn thing, all at once, all the time. -- John Scalzi
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I've been told my liminal space is like the dark of the grave. But I think of it as the dark from the other end of life entirely. The dark of everything ahead, not everything behind. -- John Scalzi
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The part of Cardenia's brain in charge of gestalting slammed everything together and shoved it into her consciousness. -- John Scalzi
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How many people volunteer for an army and then claim conscientious objector status? -- John Scalzi
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I have no idea, Jim," Lowen said. "I'm a doctor, not a private investigator. -- John Scalzi
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It took me eight books to finally be at a point in my career where I could come out with a book and say, 'This is meant to be a funny book,' and we didn't have to make any bones about it. -- John Scalzi
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I will not let my sales figures dictate what I say on the blog, because the blog is what I want to say. -- John Scalzi
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You have five minutes," I said. "Of course, because any more time would make this too easy. -- John Scalzi
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Do what you need to do and enjoy life as it happens. -- John Scalzi
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I'm going to go pee. If the universe is bigger and stranger than I can imagine, it's best to meet it with an empty bladder. -- John Scalzi
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Captain, the problem is not that I'm paranoid. The problem is that the universe keeps justifying my paranoia. -- John Scalzi
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Because every time I think of starships skipping across the galaxy, I imagine Albert Einstein in a policeman's uniform, writing up a ticket. -- John Scalzi
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Is it good? It ain't Shakespeare, but then, Shakespeare wrote Titus Andronicus, so you tell me. -- John Scalzi
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The half-life between story of the century and not even the story of the day is quicker than you would ever guess. -- John Scalzi
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I find it difficult to believe that Redditors don't understand that anonymity online is merely a facade; indeed, it's probably one of the reasons that revealing the identity of pseudonymous Redditors is looked on as such a huge betrayal. -- John Scalzi
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I thought I saw him once, but it turned out to be a yeti -- John Scalzi
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I felt vibration as my shield began to plow through Coral's upper atmosphere; Asshole rather unhelpfully chimed in that we had begun to experience turbulence. -- John Scalzi
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It's like Wednesday morning at the world's biggest Denny's, -- John Scalzi
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Ensign Davis thought, Screw this, I want to live, and swerved to avoid the land worms. But then he tripped and one of the land worms ate his face and he died anyway. -- John Scalzi
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We're in the wrong universe for fair. -- John Scalzi
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So many people go through life without love. Wanting love. Hoping for love. Hungering for more of it than they have. Missing love when it was gone. -- John Scalzi
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This would require an e-book reader that is as easy to read as a traditional book, durable to abuse as much as we abuse paperbacks and cheap enough that when you lose it, you can buy another one -- John Scalzi
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Look," I said. "Something that needs your attention. Over there. Away from here. -- John Scalzi
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I'm not even one year old," Jared said. "I can be a baby if I want. -- John Scalzi
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Guns don't kill people. The aliens behind the triggers do. -- John Scalzi
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I am not responsible for actions of the imaginary version of me you have inside your head. -- John Scalzi
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Anyway, I might have just gone on about porn too long. -- John Scalzi
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If we're going to be fucked, Colonel, I prefer to get fucked on my feet instead of on my knees. -- John Scalzi
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At dinner members of the 8th enthusiastically told each other to pass the fucking salt, you fucking sack of shit, until Brahe told them to quit that goddamn shit, cocksuckers, because it got old pretty goddamn quick. -- John Scalzi
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I have drinks," Hanson said, coming up behind Duvall. "Why, Jimmy," Duvall said. "That makes you my new favorite person. -- John Scalzi
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But I have always found that there's an inverse relationship between the number of people in a room and the amount of useful work that can be done. -- John Scalzi
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Libertarians secretly worried that ultimately someone will figure out the whole of their political philosophy boils down to 'get off my property.' News flash: This is not really a big secret to the rest of us. -- John Scalzi
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If you're the best that the Earth has got to offer, it's time we bend over and get a tentacle right up the ass. -- John Scalzi
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There was general agreement that Brahe was correct, until Gell-Man taught the squad to swear in Arabic. -- John Scalzi
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I know a little bit about deaf culture because a friend of mine has been in the deaf culture for awhile. Over the course of 25 years, she and I have talked about many of the issues and concerns for deaf people and deaf culture. -- John Scalzi
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This is the same Lizzie Chao who I went to high school with," Hart said. "I believe so," Isabel said. "She's married," Hart said. "She's separated," Isabel said. "Which means she's married with an option to trade up," Catherine said. -- John Scalzi
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You see tools and parts and my arm shoved inside a small spacecraft, and you really have to ask what I'm doing? -- John Scalzi
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I have the power to call you here. As I have the power to condemn you to death. I hope we understand each other. -- John Scalzi
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Just accept you're drinking from the fire hose and open wide. -- John Scalzi
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You don't have paperwork," Savitri said. "You give it all to me." "Is it done?" I asked. "As far as you know, yes," Savitri said. -- John Scalzi
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What we don't know can't hurt us. -- John Scalzi
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My job is to be your loyal opposition. -- John Scalzi
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And before that, there was, oh, I don't know, editors experiencing demonic possessions and devouring lagging midlist writers. It's always something. -- John Scalzi
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While landing a spacecraft on a planet via Skip Drive navigation was officially and strongly discouraged by the Colonial Union, the Colonial Defense Forces recognized the strategic value of sudden and unexpected arrivals. -- John Scalzi
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Hide' isn't a word we like to use," Cassaway said. "'Perform alternative tasks' is the preferred term. -- John Scalzi
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Although, honestly, watching authors fistfight is like watching geese play Jeopardy. There's a lot of honking and squawking but no one ever gets to what they're supposed to be doing. -- John Scalzi
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There's nothing like sharing menarche with a billion hermaphrodites. I think it was everyone's first time. -- John Scalzi
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Sani's family lived in a well-kept double-wide in an otherwise less-than-spiff trailer park outside of Sawmill. -- John Scalzi
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I'm not insane, sir. I have a finely calibrated sense of acceptable risk. -- John Scalzi
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One day I'd like to visit this planet without having to toss myself down its atmosphere. -- John Scalzi
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Hickory, have you ever lied to me?" I asked. "I do not believe you are aware of me or any Obin ever lying to you," Hickory said. -- John Scalzi
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I am not Death. I am killing; I am the verb, I am the action, I am the performance. -- John Scalzi
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But imagine you're a tapeworm, and then suddenly you're Goethe. It's like that. -- John Scalzi
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I'm not sure I like their plan for converting us to their religion, seeing as it involves dying and all. -- John Scalzi
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And as luck would have it, a position opened up here." "It wasn't luck," Mbeke said. "It was a Longranian Ice Shark," Cassaway said. -- John Scalzi
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In other words, crew deaths are a feature, not a bug, Cassaway said, dryly. -- John Scalzi
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The rest of the rebels were recruited from the ranks of the young and excitable and had rather more enthusiasm than skill. -- John Scalzi
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Engrave this in your brain: EVERY WRITER GETS REJECTED. You will be no different. -- John Scalzi
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He was determined to be the most touristy tourist who had ever touristed, -- John Scalzi
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I don't keep a Bucket List. I'm open to anything. -- John Scalzi
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You have to eliminate the low-hanging targets first, on the off chance you were dealing with morons. -- John Scalzi
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And of course, just like in the movies, as soon as you mention that life is good, that means something needs to come by and sqaut one out on your life. -- John Scalzi
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That as far as I can tell," Jenkins said, "it's not actually a very good show. -- John Scalzi
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The three rules of writing: 1. It's Work. 2. It's Work. 3. Surprise! It's Work. -- John Scalzi
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I've met a lot of people in the diplomatic corps who were in love with the sound of their own voice, but this guy. He and his voice should just get a room. -- John Scalzi
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It's just a reminder that war favors the rich. The ones who can leave, do. The ones who can't, suffer." Kiva was silent for a moment. Then, "Fuck you for having a conscience, Tomi. -- John Scalzi
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After our negotiations were completed, the dome would be imploded and launched toward the nearest black hole, so that none of its atoms would ever contaminate this particular universe again. I thought that last part was overkill. -- John Scalzi
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Yes, death by away team. Very effective on this ship, Jenkins said. -- John Scalzi
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Oh for God's sake how divine can I be? My feet hurt, I have gas and I need to pee. -- John Scalzi
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It's not spam if you agree to it," Tony said. "They just won't have much of a choice. -- John Scalzi
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In one hand I have a restraining order, and in the other I have a Taser. Which would you like to meet first? -- John Scalzi
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A fourth part of his brain was saying, This is the part where you run and scream a lot. He was listening to the fourth part. -- John Scalzi
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There's always been a little bit of tension between the writers of science fiction literature and then science-fiction televised shows or movies, partly because they have a different dynamic. -- John Scalzi
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We've already established whoever is writing us is an asshole. -- John Scalzi
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I'm sorry," the groundskeeper said. "Usually the kharhn we feed to the kingsflower are already dead. I never get to see anything live fed to it. This is exciting for me. -- John Scalzi
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You've got yourself a cloned body here, Jim. -- John Scalzi
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No one wants you to apologize," Catherine said. "And you know we all have an interest in politics." "I don't," Wes said. "We all have an interest in politics except for Wes, -- John Scalzi
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It's hard to sell the official story to people who can see things for themselves. -- John Scalzi
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People don't mind having the mystical aspect of a church being poorly defined as long as you make the rules of the church clear. -- John Scalzi
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The universe is a big place. Maybe we're not in the best neighborhood. -- John Scalzi
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Now, you may think that this is some sort of generalized hatred that I will carry for the lot of you. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Each of you will fail, but you will fail in your own unique way, and therefore I will dislike each of you on an individual basis. -- John Scalzi
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Are we agreed that the goal here is survival, not a win? -- John Scalzi
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At least one tribe, the Geln, strongly opposed attacking the Colonial Union, since humans were reasonably strong, distressingly tenacious and not especially principled when they felt threatened. -- John Scalzi
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Humor is rare in science fiction ... there's so little of it that it automatically reminds you of other heroes with that acerbic humor when you find it. -- John Scalzi
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Get off my planet, you son of a bitch. -- John Scalzi
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Trust your weapon, it is almost certainly smarter than you are. Remember this and you may yet live. -- John Scalzi
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Praise is always a good thing, especially in a crisis. -- John Scalzi
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You're all so busy tending to your own personal tree that you don't look around to see that the forest is on fire. -- John Scalzi
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The supply transport's on autopilot most of the way down anyway. I'm just on board so that if it crashes, they can say someone died. -- John Scalzi
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Nice is nice," Hayter-Ross said. "But being a bitch gets results. -- John Scalzi
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I don't have a problem with treason," I said. "I can stop anytime." I -- John Scalzi
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Maybe after the first dozen times it happened, the Universal Union should have started engineering for space defenestration. NICK -- John Scalzi
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Christ on a Popsicle stick. -- John Scalzi
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Leon had attached himself to me in Chicago like a fat, brat-and-beer-filled tick; I was amazed that someone whose blood was clearly half pork grease had made it to age seventy-five. -- John Scalzi
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What I owe those I kill is understanding. I owe them the courtesy of recognition; acknowledgement that they were something other than just another thing I had to kill on the way to other things I had to kill. -- John Scalzi
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Colonel, I'm giving you a direct order. Eat the fucking cookie. -- John Scalzi
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Even without the Interdependency, being interdependent was the best way for humanity to survive. -- John Scalzi
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We don't get to choose our battles. -- John Scalzi
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General Gau had thanked for her candor in this as in all other things and then went ahead and did it anyway. -- John Scalzi
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The Jenna Situation, as you recalled it now, had been fraught with fraughtiness. -- John Scalzi
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Fear is a scavenger who feeds on the future; on what may be and what is possible, extending down the line of our lives. -- John Scalzi