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Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. -- Lemony Snicket
If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it. -- Lemony Snicket
You're just jealous of me because I'm a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian! -- Lemony Snicket
Ellington Feint was a line in my mind running right down the middle of my life, separating the formal training of my childhood and the territory of the rest of my days. She was an axis, and at that moment and for many moments afterward, my entire world revolved around her. -- Lemony Snicket
Akroyd!" Sunny cried, a phrase which here means "Roger. -- Lemony Snicket
Gregor was involved with something called Volatile Fungus Deportation. -- Lemony Snicket
I wasn't sad the way a spider isn't an insect. -- Lemony Snicket
It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are ridiculous. -- Lemony Snicket
uppity children, -- Lemony Snicket
But sometimes it takes only a photograph and a sentence to make an author cry himself to sleep even years after the photograph was taken. -- Lemony Snicket
There are many mysteries I have never solved, and the hair of my chaperone is perhaps my most curious unsolved case. -- Lemony Snicket
if you have ever wondered why horse-drawn carriages and dogsleds are far more common modes of travel than sheep-dragged sleighs, it is because sheep are not well-suited for employment in the transportation industry. -- Lemony Snicket
An Overall Feeling of Doom that One Cannot Ever Escape no Matter What One Does -- Lemony Snicket
It doesn't matter if you never see someone again, I told myself. There are millions of people in the world, and most of them never see each other in the first place. You hoped to know Ellington Feinr forever, but there's no such thing as forever, really. Everything is much shorter than that. -- Lemony Snicket
To be daunted by no difficulty; to keep heart when all have lost it; to go through intrigue spotless; to forgo even ambition when the end is gained - who can say this is not greatness? -- Lemony Snicket
Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable place to hide. -- Lemony Snicket
The treachery of the Inhumane society was controlled by one man. As a brilliant scientist, he could have saved the town, but instead he fed on the loneliness and discontent of the fading town, and pushed people in the direction hw thought was right. -- Lemony Snicket
but Phil looked up and gave them a weak smile. "Well," he said, "this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate." "Gee," one of the other employees murmured. "I thought he'd say something more along the lines of 'Aaaaah! My leg! My leg! -- Lemony Snicket
You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I'm wrong, but I don't have the courage to say so. -- Lemony Snicket
Dramatic irony is a cruel occurrence, one that is almost always upsetting and I'm sorry to have it appear in this story, but Violet, Klaus, and Sunny have such unfortunate lives that it was only a matter of time before dramatic irony would rear its ugly head. -- Lemony Snicket
The truth is that you can never be sure if you have decided on the right thing until the party is over, and by then it is too late to go back and change your mind, which is why the world is filled with people doing terrible things -- Lemony Snicket
Money is like a child - rarely unaccompanied. When it disappears, look to those who were supposed to be keeping an eye on it while you were at the grocery store. You might also look for someone who has a lot of extra children sitting around, with long, suspicious explanations for how they got there. -- Lemony Snicket
Is it useful to feel fear, because it prepares you for nasty events, or is it useless, because nasty events will occur whether you are frightened or not? -- Lemony Snicket
It is hard for decent people to stay angry at someone who has burst into tears, which is why it is often a good idea to burst into tears if a decent person is yelling at you. -- Lemony Snicket
Hal is on his way. The nurse announced reentering the room. -- Lemony Snicket
Theodora glared at me, but Mrs. Murphy Sallis gave me a brief smile and offered me her hand, which was as smooth and soft as old lettuce. -- Lemony Snicket
It is unwise to make something permanent when the whole world is shifting. There may be a time when this symbol means something treacherous and terrible, rather than something noble and literate. -- Lemony Snicket
Everyone tells you it's all right to cry, but not enough people say it's all right if you don't want people to know. -- Lemony Snicket
I'm afraid the engine is quite dead," Mr. Poe called out.
"And before long," Stephano muttered to the children, "you will be too."
"I'm sorry," Mr. Poe said. "I couldn't hear you. -- Lemony Snicket
The Baudelaires looked up and saw their guardian standing in the doorway of Violet's -- Lemony Snicket
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself. -- Lemony Snicket
Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance. -- Lemony Snicket
A good thing to do when one is sitting, eating, and resting is to have a conversation. -- Lemony Snicket
There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If someone wanted to torture me until I told them a critical piece of information, all they would have to do is get my socks wet. It feels terrible. -- Lemony Snicket
The phrase 'for naught' is simply a fancy way of saying 'for nothing,' and it doesn't matter which phrase you use, for they are both equally difficult to admit. -- Lemony Snicket
Klaus watched his sister leave the library and felt a wave of hopelessness wash over him. -- Lemony Snicket
Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women. -- Lemony Snicket
There's information about everything from poetry to
pills, from picture frames to pyramids, and from pudding to psychology
and that's just in the P aisle,
which we're walking down right now.
-- Lemony Snicket
The answer to nearly every question is written down someplace. It just might take a while to find. -- Lemony Snicket
I write storys to entertain not to be the best -- Lemony Snicket
I am sure you have heard that appearance doesn't matter and that it's what's on the inside that counts. Well that of course is utter nonsense, because if no one cared about what's on the outside no one would take a bath or comb their hair and the world would be a lot smellier than it already is! -- Lemony Snicket
I told you," Count Olaf said weakly. "I told you I'd do that one last time. -- Lemony Snicket
Various parts of my body told me that in the future they would appreciate it if I slept lying down on a bed instead of sitting at the counter of Black Cat Coffee. I quietly reassured them that this was an unusual situation, and had the machinery make me some bread as a breakfast. -- Lemony Snicket
If you don't care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn't care about dentists, for instance could say 'Dentist, schmentists. -- Lemony Snicket
Other than a sign I saw once that said, 'Beware' in letters made of dead monkeys, the 'Lucky Smells Lumbermill' sign was the most disgusting sign on earth. -- Lemony Snicket
You're the inventor," Klaus answered, buttoning his coat. "But you can't invent things like time, -- Lemony Snicket
In the vast majority of cases, however, getting into trouble has nothing to do with one's self-esteem. It usually has much more to do with whatever is causing the trouble - a monster, a bus driver, a banana peel, killer bees, the school principal - than what you think of yourself. -- Lemony Snicket
It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety. -- Lemony Snicket
There is no point in delaying crying. Sadness is like having a vicious alligator around. You can ignore it for only so long before it begins devouring things and you have to pay attention. -- Lemony Snicket
Desperation is like a spilled drink; even if it's delicious, no one will get near it. Cultivate an aura of glamorous unapproachability. -- Lemony Snicket
All these things are miracles. It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do. -- Lemony Snicket
The book did not say anything about a statue, valuable or otherwise, and so I stopped reading about the Bombinating Beast and got interested in the chapter about the Stain'd witches, who had ink instead of blood in their veins. I wondered what they kept in their pens. -- Lemony Snicket
It is not always the job of people shouting outside impressive buildings to solve problems. It is often the job of the people inside, who have paper, pens, desks, and an impressive view. -- Lemony Snicket
Of the necessary equipment to invent really top-notch -- Lemony Snicket
Olaf: Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else -- Lemony Snicket
You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That's why the dark is always close by. -- Lemony Snicket
The children knew, as I'm sure you know, that there is usually no reason to be afraid of the dark, but even if you are not particularly afraid of something, you might not want to get near it -- Lemony Snicket
You don't spend your life hanging around books without learning a thing or two. -- Lemony Snicket
I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. -- Lemony Snicket
If only Uncle Monty knew what we know," Violet said, "and Stephano knew that he knew what we know. But Uncle Monty doesn't know what we know, and Stephano knows that he doesn't know what we know."
"I know," Klause said.
"I know you know," Violet said -- Lemony Snicket
Overall, the shack was too miserable to serve as a storage space for old banana peels, let alone as a home for three young people, and I confess that if I had been told that it was my home I probably would have lain on the bales of hay and thrown a temper tantrum. -- Lemony Snicket
Figuratively, they escaped from Cout Olaf and their miserable existence. They did not literally escape, because they were still in his house and vulnerable to Olaf's evil in loco parentis ways. -- Lemony Snicket
Summer seems so cold without you, winter is even colder. -- Lemony Snicket
Don't be a smart aleck," Hungry said.
"But it cheers me up," I said. -- Lemony Snicket
There is no easy way to train an apprentice. My two tools are example and nagging. -- Lemony Snicket
Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite. -- Lemony Snicket
Hoping for the best, like hoping for a bat to obey your orders, almost always leads to disappointment. -- Lemony Snicket
Are you ready?" Klaus asked finally.
"No," Sunny answered.
"Me neither," Violet said, "but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go. -- Lemony Snicket
Idea. Mr. Poe meant well, but a jar of mustard probably also means well and would do a better job of keeping the Baudelaires out of danger. Violet, -- Lemony Snicket
So it goes,' Prosper Lost said, a little sadly. 'There are some stories you never get to finish. -- Lemony Snicket
Some people think destiny is something you cannot escape, such as death or a curdled cheesecake, both of which always turn up sooner or later. -- Lemony Snicket
When one's stomach is as fluttery as all that, it is nice to take a short break to lie down and perhaps sip a fizzy beverage, but there was no time for such things. -- Lemony Snicket
In any case, this is how all our stories begin, in darkness with our eyes closed, and all our stories end the same way, too, with all of us uttering some last words - or perhaps someone else's - before slipping back into darkness as our series of unfortunate events comes to an end. -- Lemony Snicket
turn into a literal one. -- Lemony Snicket
It was a puzzle, a dark and lonely one, and if I were a piece in this puzzle, I did not know where it belonged. I needed to put myself aside, just for a little while, until I saw where I might fit in. -- Lemony Snicket
I was tired of working in the lumber industry," Phil said. "I was sure I could find a better job, and look at me now - cook on a dilapidated submarine. Life keeps on getting better and better." "You always were an optimist," Klaus said. -- Lemony Snicket
If one's safety is threatened, one often finds courage one didn't know one had, and the eldest Baudelaire found she could be brave enough to open the door. -- Lemony Snicket
It's an important skill to know when not to say anything. It's not a skill that came naturally to me then, nor does it come naturally now, nor do I expect it to come naturally to me until I am dead, when I will be very, very good at it. -- Lemony Snicket
Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview. -- Lemony Snicket
I do what I do," I said, "in order to do something else. -- Lemony Snicket
The sky was dark blue twilight, pretty to look at but lonely to walk under. -- Lemony Snicket
People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict. -- Lemony Snicket
Don't talk, Snicket," Theodora said. "Fools talk while wise people listen, so listen up and I'll tell you how we will solve this case sensibly and properly. -- Lemony Snicket
Memento Mori' means 'Remember you will die. -- Lemony Snicket
The mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart has one:yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done. -- Lemony Snicket
Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it. -- Lemony Snicket
It is not very polite to interrupt a person, of course, but sometimes if the person is very unpleasant you can hardly stop yourself. -- Lemony Snicket
The Baudelaire orphans looked worriedly out the window. They weren't very happy about just being dropped off in a strange place, as if they were a pizza being delivered instead of three children all alone in the world. -- Lemony Snicket
At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey. -- Lemony Snicket
It's cold outside, Mr. Snicket.'
'So I'll shiver,' I said. 'I've shivered before.'
She looked down at the table and traced her father's name with her black fingernail. 'So have I,' she said. -- Lemony Snicket
The world is quiet here. -- Lemony Snicket
And if you jump for joy, you have a very good chance of experiencing a painful bump on the head, unless you make sure you are standing someplace with very high ceilings, which joyous people rarely do. -- Lemony Snicket
If you refuse to entertain a baby cousin, the baby cousin may get bored and entertain itself by wandering off and falling down a well. If you refuse to entertain a pack of hyenas, they may become restless and entertain themselves by devouring you. -- Lemony Snicket
It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas. -- Lemony Snicket
Get scared later, and if you're scared now remember what Kit always said. If you're not scared, she told me, it's not bravery. And you want to be brave, don't you, Snicket? -- Lemony Snicket
I can't sleep if there's murderers on the loose!" cried another guest. "Amen, brother!" said another person. "If a crime has been committed, then it's our duty to stand around in our pajamas in the name of justice! -- Lemony Snicket
The fire was set in the Library of Records by the Baudelaire murderers, and has spread to the Sore Throat Ward, the Stubbed Toe Ward, and the Accidentally Swallowed Something You Shouldn't Have Ward. -- Lemony Snicket
Any age was a difficult age for someone needing to get through that window. -- Lemony Snicket
Behind these two booths was an enormous roller coaster, a phrase which here mean 'a series of small carts where people can sit and race up and down steep and frightening hills of tracks, for no discernible reason -- Lemony Snicket
Just knowing that they could read made the Baudelaire orphans feel as if their wretched lives could be a little brighter. -- Lemony Snicket
Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two ... The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life. -- Lemony Snicket
I refuse to argue with you, Charles! You're my partner! Your job is to iron my shirts and cook my omelettes, not boss me around! -- Lemony Snicket
We weren't friends[ ... ]We were more like jigsaw pieces, each of us part of the same big picture. There are people like this wherever you go. They are part of the same mystery as you are, but you can't quite tell how you fit together. The world is a puzzle, and we can't solve it alone. -- Lemony Snicket
But you can't read every story, and answer every question even if you'd like to -- Lemony Snicket
You cannot live far from the treachery of the world, because eventually the treachery will wash up on your shores. -- Lemony Snicket
Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them. -- Lemony Snicket
Never trust anyone without a book. -- Lemony Snicket
As I'm sure you know, whenever there is a mirror around, it is almost impossible not to take a look at yourself. Even though we all know what we look like, we all like just to look at our reflections, if only to see how we're doing. -- Lemony Snicket
When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you. -- Lemony Snicket
It depends on how you look at it. -- Lemony Snicket
You might think that climbing a mountain is half the battle, only to find out that the mountain goats who live at the top are vicious, and heavily armed. -- Lemony Snicket
Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,
Hope you get well soon.
Ho ho ho, hee hee hee,
Have a heart-shaped balloon. -- Lemony Snicket
There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of paper and a sharp pencil. Then sketch out nine rows of fourteen squares each. Then throw the piece of paper away and find whoever is screaming so you can help them. It is no time to fiddle with paper. -- Lemony Snicket
But there are times in this harum-scarum world when figuring out the right thing to do is quite simple, but doing the right thing is simply impossible ... -- Lemony Snicket
Tadu,' Sunny murmured solemnly, which probably meant something along the lines of 'it's a loathsome situation in which we find ourselves. -- Lemony Snicket
We are respecting our parents' wishes ... They didn't want to shelter us from the world's treacheries. They wanted us to survive them. -- Lemony Snicket
Listen to this, Sunny," she said, when her sister opened her eyes. "'Once a subject has been hypnotized, a simple hmmm word will make him or her perform whatever hmmm acts any hmmm wants hmmmed.'"
"Hmmm?" Sunny asked.
"Those are the words I don't know" Violet explained. -- Lemony Snicket
Fight Fire with Fire -- Lemony Snicket
A secret note is secret. There is no reason to sign it. -- Lemony Snicket
Take either forty-eight or eighty-four pages to -- Lemony Snicket
There have been only five burglars in the history of robbery who have specialized in rope. All five of these burglars were caught and sent to prison, which is why scarcely any people lock up their rope for safekeeping. -- Lemony Snicket
Life isn't fair, he said, in his undisguised voice, and for once the Baudelaire orphans agreed with every word the man said. -- Lemony Snicket
Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries. -- Lemony Snicket
It pain me to tell you that once again Count Olaf would appear with yet another disgusting scheme, and that Mr. Poe would once again fail to do anything even remotely helpful. -- Lemony Snicket
The children nodded in agreement, and rose from the table. Leaving their dirty breakfast dishes behind, which is not a good thing to do in general but perfectly acceptable in the face of an emergency. -- Lemony Snicket
Hungry people should be fed. It takes some people a long time to figure this out. -- Lemony Snicket
Josephine caught my eye and gave me a signal we'd used for years to indicate that one of us had to leave. The signal was mouthing the words "I have to leave" and pointing at the door. -- Lemony Snicket
I'm not a math tutor," I said. "I don't feel the need to check your work. -- Lemony Snicket
It's bitten her!' he cried. 'It's Bitten her! It's bitten her! Calm down! Get moving! Call an ambulance! Call the police! Call a scientist! Call my wife! This is terrible! This is awful! This is ghastly! This is phantasmagorical! This is- -- Lemony Snicket
It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing. -- Lemony Snicket
Read about things that wouldn't keep you up all night long, weeping and tearing out your hair. -- Lemony Snicket
You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff. -- Lemony Snicket
The next name on the list is Ed Valiantbrue, which doesn't have an O in it anyway."
"O!" Sunny shrieked.
"O!" Klaus agreed.
"O!" Sunny insisted.
"Oh!" Klaus cried. "I see what you mean! If it doesn't have am O in it, it can't be an anagram of Violet Baudelaire. -- Lemony Snicket
We might even say that the world is always in medias res - a Latin phrase which means "in the midst of things" or "in the middle of a narrative" - and that it is impossible to solve any mystery, or find the root of any trouble, -- Lemony Snicket
Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away! Don't move! Kill the snake! Leave it alone! Give it some food! Don't let it bite her! Lure the snake away! Here, snakey! Here, snakey snakey! -- Lemony Snicket
I don't know why anyone likes sledding in the first place." I said. "Life goes downhill enough without speeding the process along. -- Lemony Snicket
I don't think people have made staples by hand since the fifteenth century. -- Lemony Snicket
I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. It is good to brush your teeth when you are angry, because you brush harder and do a better job. -- Lemony Snicket
But finally, into the world came a baby girl, just as, I'm very, very sorry to say, her mother, and my sister, slipped away from the world after a long night of suffering - but also a night of joy, as the birth of a baby is always good news, no matter how much bad news the baby will hear later. -- Lemony Snicket
They were charming and resourceful, and had pleasant facial features, but they were extremely unlucky, and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery, and despair. -- Lemony Snicket
In every other place on Earth, nobility and integrity are vanishing quickly. -- Lemony Snicket
For the rest of the morning they worked quietly ad steadily, realizing that their contentment here at Uncle Monty's house did not erase their parents' death, not at all, but at least it made them feel better after feeling so sad, for so long. -- Lemony Snicket
Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is true. -- Lemony Snicket
Yes,' she said, in a faraway voice, 'he was my husband, but he was much more than that. He was my best friend, my partner in grammar, and the only person I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth. -- Lemony Snicket
Buildings - faded brick buildings enclosed by a faded brick wall. A school, perhaps, or the estate of a dull family. The buildings had once been elegant, but many of the windows were shattered -- Lemony Snicket
The quoting of an aphorism, like the angry barking of a dog or the smell of overcooked broccoli, rarely indicates that something helpful is about to happen. -- Lemony Snicket
Depressed is a word that often describes somebody who is feeling sad and gloomy, but in this case it describes a secret button, hidden in a crow statue, that is feeling just fine, thank you. -- Lemony Snicket
E!" Klaus cried. "E as in Exit!" The Baudelaires ran down E as in Exit, but when they reached the last
cabinet, the row was becoming F as in Falling File Cabinets, G as in Go the Other Way! and H as in How
in the World Are We Going to Escape? -- Lemony Snicket
Mr. Poe opened his mouth to say something, but erupted into a brief fit of coughing. "I have made arrangements," he said finally, "for you to be raised by a distant relative of yours who lives on the other side of town. His name is Count Olaf. -- Lemony Snicket
The whole thing is like a jigsaw puzzle, but there are too many missing pieces to solve it. -- Lemony Snicket
THE REPTILE ROOM -- Lemony Snicket
This feeling is not unlike the sinking in one's stomach when one is in an elevator that suddenly goes down, or when you are snug in your bed and your closet door suddenly creaks open to reveal the person who has been hiding there. -- Lemony Snicket
I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see. -- Lemony Snicket
A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes the information you need is not in the most obvious place. -- Lemony Snicket
O matter how much one reads, the whole story can never be told. -- Lemony Snicket
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. -- Lemony Snicket
There are many, many types of books in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, many types of people, and everybody wants to read something different. -- Lemony Snicket
Are you saying that being a criminal is a matter of opinion?" I asked.
Qwerty smiled, but it was sad around the edges. "No," he said. "It's a matter of handcuffs. -- Lemony Snicket
It is my fate that some of my questions will never be answered. -- Lemony Snicket
The passageway was still as dark as a bar of extra-dark chocolate sitting in a planetarium covered in a thick, black blanket -- Lemony Snicket
We represent the true human condition, the one permanent victory over cruelty and chaos ... Our true home is the imagination, and our kingdom is the wide-open world. -- Lemony Snicket
You and I, of course, would never do this to any of our grieving acquaintances, but it is a sad truth in life that when someone has lost a loved one, friends sometimes avoid the person, just when the presence of friends is most needed. - P. 34 -- Lemony Snicket
One of the world's most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen's younger, more attractive boyfriends. -- Lemony Snicket
Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake. -- Lemony Snicket
It felt like the wrong thing to do, standing at the wrong door in the wrong place. We did it anyway. Knowing something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will eer know why. -- Lemony Snicket
It doesn't take courage to kill someone,' Klaus said. 'It takes a severe lack of moral stamina. -- Lemony Snicket
It is, as you know, very, very rude and usually unnecessary to use profanity. -- Lemony Snicket
There are people like this wherever you go. They are part of the same mystery as you are, but you can't quite tell how you fit together. The world is a puzzle, and we cannot solve it alone. -- Lemony Snicket
They spent the rest of the afternoon trudging back up the hill carrying their groceries, but the heaviness of cucumbers and limes was nothing compared to the heaviness in the orphans' hearts. -- Lemony Snicket
Is the mask working?" she asked me.
"How can I tell?"
"If you can breath, then it's working. -- Lemony Snicket
If you are a baby, your family will sere you in your underwear many times, and there's no use being embarrassed about it -- Lemony Snicket
The manager frowned, as if the middle Baudelaire had given him the wrong answer.
That's the rooftop bathing salon," he said. "People who sunbathe aren't usually interested in library science, so they're not picky about the salon's location. Now get moving! -- Lemony Snicket
Like most fourteen-year-olds, she was right-handed, so the rocks skipped farther across the murky water when Violet used her right hand then when she used her left. -- Lemony Snicket
Klaus grinned. 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but it was a very interesting book, and I'm so pleased that it's coming in handy. -- Lemony Snicket
If someone had told me, that day at the beach, that before long I'd find myself using my four teeth to scrape the bark off trees, I would have said they were psychoneurotically disturbed. -- Lemony Snicket
What can I do?" Klaus asked.
"You can pray this works," Violet said, but the Baudelaire sisters were so quick with their tasks that there was no time for even the shortest of religious ceremonies. -- Lemony Snicket
If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket. -- Lemony Snicket
I recommend learning how to write a very good thank-you note. A child who can write a nice thank-you note can turn into a cocaine dealer five years later and be remembered as child who wrote nice thank-you notes. -- Lemony Snicket
Aha!"
My chaperone looked at me like I should aha! back, but all I could manage was a quiet "ah." I made a note to ha later. -- Lemony Snicket
Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something -- Lemony Snicket
It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time that followed. If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it. -- Lemony Snicket
Even the most ridiculous of stories can contain a grain of truth. -- Lemony Snicket
The worst surroundings in the world can be tolerated if the people in them are interesting and kind. -- Lemony Snicket
Baudelaires had visited the office of Vice Principal Nero and learned about all of the academy's strict and unfair rules. When they worked -- Lemony Snicket
What do your parents know, about surviving? -- Lemony Snicket
I'd never forget Sunny! Never in a million years! Not that I will live that long! Particularly because I don't exercise very much! But I don't like exercising, so it's worth it! -- Lemony Snicket
The expression 'Those who can't do, teach' is a curious one, because if you look at the world , you'll see that teachers aren't particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as 'nobody can do anything -- Lemony Snicket
Chuni!" Sunny shrieked, which probably meant "Let's go to the kitchen and get it, -- Lemony Snicket
If you wish to avoid an unpleasant story you had best put this book down -- Lemony Snicket
I have stood in a department store, and seen something written on a price tag that told me I had to leave at once, but in different clothing. -- Lemony Snicket
I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn't want us to be miserable. -- Lemony Snicket
It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches. -- Lemony Snicket
Course, mountains serve as homes to mountain goats and mountain lions, who enjoy attacking helpless picnickers and eating sandwiches or children. So -- Lemony Snicket
You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window washers. But you can't invent more time. -- Lemony Snicket
Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged sword
Kit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events) -- Lemony Snicket
Of all the people in the world who have miserable lives - and, as I'm sure you know, there are quite a few - the Baudelaire youngsters take the cake, a phrase which here means that more horrible things have happened them than just about anybody. -- Lemony Snicket
For obvious reasons, I never told you about my notebook, with a cover as green as mansions long ago, which I use as a commonplace book, a phrase which here means 'place where I have collected passages from some of the most important books I have read. -- Lemony Snicket
In front of the cave there was a sign saying it was for sale, and the orphans could not imagine who would want to buy such a phantasmagorical - the word 'phantasmagorical' here mean 'all the creepy, scary words you can think of putting together' - place. -- Lemony Snicket
My aunt always says that if you put your mind to it, you can do absolutely anything," Jake said. "Is that true?" "No," I said. "It's nonsense. -- Lemony Snicket
So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit. So -- Lemony Snicket
That a story in The Daily Punctilio was completely true, and to show this article to so many volunteers, including the Baudelaire parents, the Snicket siblings, and the woman I happened to love. -- Lemony Snicket
Bad circumstances have a way of ruining things that would otherwise be pleasant. -- Lemony Snicket
This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie. -- Lemony Snicket
When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you. -- Lemony Snicket
If Uncle Monty had known known what bad luck was soon to come, he wouldn't have wasted a moment thinking about Gustav. I wish - and I'm sure you wish as well - we could go back in time and warn him, but we can't, and that's that. -- Lemony Snicket
Asinine is a word that sounds like you shouldn't say it, so when you do say it, people often gasp. This makes it a delicious way of saying 'not very smart,' which is all it means. -- Lemony Snicket
A person who designs buildings is called an architect, but in the case of Prufrock Prep a better term might be 'depressed architect. -- Lemony Snicket
Wretchedness. It is atrociously unfair, of course, that the Baudelaires have so many troubles, but that is the way the story goes. So now that I've told you that the first sentence will be The Baudelaire -- Lemony Snicket
...It is one of the strange truths of life that practically nobody likes to be stared at and that practically nobody can stop themselves from staring.... -- Lemony Snicket
When you find the sort of people who will show up to give you a ride exactly when they've promised to do so, hold on to them for dear life. -- Lemony Snicket
There is a lizard called the chameleon that, as you probably know, can change color instantly to blend into its surroundings. Besides being slimy and clod-blooded, Captain Sham resembled the chameleon in that he was chameleonic, a word means 'able to blend in with any situation. -- Lemony Snicket
One could say, in fact, that no story really has a beginning, and that no story really has an end -- Lemony Snicket
All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found -- Lemony Snicket
It made the Baudelaire sisters a little sad to see all those books sitting in the library unread and unnoticed, like stray dogs or lost children that nobody wanted to take home. -- Lemony Snicket
The real Santa Claus is at the mall. -- Lemony Snicket
It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn't know ... -- Lemony Snicket
But that's another error in the note," Klaus said. "It doesn't say unbearable, with a U. It says inbearable, with an I."
"You are being unbearable, with a U," Violet cried.
"And you are being stupid, with an S," Klaus snapped. -- Lemony Snicket
Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all. -- Lemony Snicket
Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so. -- Lemony Snicket
It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs -- Lemony Snicket
Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. "I hate everything about our lives right now, Klaus," she said, "but we have to keep our chin up." This was an expression the children's father had used, and it meant "try to stay cheerful." -P. 32 -- Lemony Snicket
There are many, many things that are difficult in this life, but one thing that isn't difficult at all is figuring out whether someone is excited or not when they open a present. -- Lemony Snicket
If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'. -- Lemony Snicket
You cannot have a really terrific library without at least one terrific librarian, the way you cannot have a really terrific bedroom unless you can lock the door. -- Lemony Snicket
In the days that followed, the Baudelaire orphans had pits in their stomachs. In Sunny's case it was understandable, because when Klaus had divided the peach, she had gotten the part with the pit. -- Lemony Snicket
The Incredibly Deadly Viper is one of the least dangerous and most friendly creatures in the animal kingdom. Sunny has nothing to worry about, and neither do you. -- Lemony Snicket
Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it. -- Lemony Snicket
It is likely your own eyes were closed when you were born, so that you left the safe place of your mother's womb - or, if you are a seahorse, your father's yolk sac - and joined the treachery of the world without seeing exactly where you were going. -- Lemony Snicket
I know what is going on," said Sir. "I am the Boss! Of course I know! -- Lemony Snicket
Taking one's chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck. -- Lemony Snicket
Coach Genghis rather -- Lemony Snicket
He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you when he actually had several and simply wanted to see you get soaked. -- Lemony Snicket
Being skeptical is a good thing for a journalist, because it means you don't completely trust anyone. -- Lemony Snicket
The right hand doesn't know what the left is doing is a phrase that refers to times when people ought to know, but don't know, about something that is happening very close to them. For instance, you ought to know about the man who watches you when you sleep. -- Lemony Snicket
The world is swirling with so many mysteries and secrets that nobody will ever track down all of them. But with a book you can stay up very late, reading until all the secrets are clear to you. The questions of the world are hidden forever, but the answers in a book are hiding in plain sight. -- Lemony Snicket
A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking books off the shelves and staying up late reading them. -- Lemony Snicket
I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time. -- Lemony Snicket
Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so. -- Lemony Snicket
I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. -- Lemony Snicket
If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives. -- Lemony Snicket
Every problem has a solution. Sometimes it just takes a long time to find the solution
even if it's right in front of your nose. -- Lemony Snicket
Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life. -- Lemony Snicket
Klaus had not told his siblings about the book, because he didn't want to give them false hope. -- Lemony Snicket
The part libraries play in education is the part bubbles play in champagne. They may seem at first to be merely a shimmery addition, but they are the central feature of the entire enterprise and the reason, joyous and astonishing, to keep imbibing. -- Lemony Snicket
It is a sad truth in life that when someone has lost a loved one, friends sometimes avoid the person, just when the presence of friends is most needed. -- Lemony Snicket
But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, this would be an irrational fear, because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul. -- Lemony Snicket
There are people in the world who care about automobiles, and there are people who couldn't care less, and then there are the people who are impressed by the Dilemma, and those people are everyone. -- Lemony Snicket
The trouble with being patient is that eventually you get tired of it. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes things can go on right in front of your nose, but you don't know about them. -- Lemony Snicket
Never mind what my name is," the man said. "No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir. -- Lemony Snicket
By 'aha' she means 'one minute' Stephano claims he knows nothing about snakes, the next he claims he is an expert! By 'aha' she means 'Stephano has been lying to us'. By 'aha' she means 'we've finally exposed his dishonesty to you'! By 'aha' she means 'aha'! -- Lemony Snicket
They were probably hitting the town. I hoped it was hitting them back. -- Lemony Snicket
Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them. -- Lemony Snicket
Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs. -- Lemony Snicket
Life never end when you are in it. -- Lemony Snicket
Just last night, I was troubled by a decision involving an eyedropper, a greedy night watchman, and a tray of individual custards, and this morning I am so tired that I can scarcely type these worfs. -- Lemony Snicket
The infant was standing on a spot in someone else's story, during a moment of her own. -- Lemony Snicket
Nobody likes to be tapped on the knee. Practically nobody likes to be tapped anywhere. -- Lemony Snicket
Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both. -- Lemony Snicket
The story of the book filled the car with exciting adventures of the sort that are fun to read about, so we didn't have to think about the exciting adventures of the sort that are no fun to live through. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes, even in the most unfortunate of lives, there will occur a moment or two of good fortune. -- Lemony Snicket
A Dilemma with a flat tire was a reminder that no matter how splendid and shiny the world might be, it could be spoiled by something you didn't notice until the damage had been done. -- Lemony Snicket
There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway. -- Lemony Snicket
But he was not looking at the view beneath him. He was looking beside him, where Violet Baudelaire was sitting, -- Lemony Snicket
Tee hee torture! -- Lemony Snicket
All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now he wasn't so sure. -- Lemony Snicket
She hadn't told Klaus about her plan, because she didn't want to give him false hope, so without waking him, she gathered up her grappling hook and tiptoed out of her room. -- Lemony Snicket
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. -- Lemony Snicket
Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed. -- Lemony Snicket
Sunny held Kit, and Violet held Klaus, and for a minute the four castaways did nothing but weep, letting their tears run down their faces and into the sea, which some have said is nothing but a library of all tears in history. -- Lemony Snicket
We're all afraid," she said firmly ... "But that didn't stop us. -- Lemony Snicket
The last safe place is safe no more. -- Lemony Snicket
I do what I do, in order to do something else. -- Lemony Snicket
If you have ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of morning. -- Lemony Snicket
Some of the bravest and most resourceful people in the world have come to bad ends -- Lemony Snicket
I'm reminded of a book my father used to read me," she said. "A bunch of elves and things get into a huge war over a piece of jewelry that everybody wants but nobody can wear. -- Lemony Snicket
Instead of the word 'love' there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes. -- Lemony Snicket
Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table. -- Lemony Snicket
So you're a real person! I always thought you were a legendary figure, like unicorns or Giuseppe Verdi. -- Lemony Snicket
Those two Quagmires will whisk and whisk until they are simply whisked away. -- Lemony Snicket
In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation. -- Lemony Snicket
Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing, because it can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it. -- Lemony Snicket
There is nothing wrong with crying at the end of a long day. -- Lemony Snicket
Although this table contains a great many elements, from the element oxygen, which is found in the air, to the element aluminum, which is found in cans of soda, the table if elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element if surprise. -- Lemony Snicket
Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things."
"But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals. -- Lemony Snicket
A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give up villainy altogether and try to lead a life of decency, integrity, and kindness, which is much more challenging and noble, if not always quite as exciting. -- Lemony Snicket
She was so afraid of everything that she made it impossible to really enjoy anything at all. -- Lemony Snicket
Just because you can picture something does not make it so. -- Lemony Snicket
Telling an adult to go see something for themselves always works. They never take your word for it. They always, always, have to go see, and Hungry was no different. -- Lemony Snicket
Like an envelope, a hollow figurine, and a coffin, a refrigerator can hold all sorts of things, and they may turn out to be very important depending on what kind of day you are having. -- Lemony Snicket
It is true there are more important things than dinner, but it is difficult to keep those things in mind when you haven't had dinner. -- Lemony Snicket
In the secret pocket, she often kept a small
pocket dictionary, which she would take out whenever she encountered a word she did not know. -- Lemony Snicket
It's hard when you're missing your family. You wake up every morning like someone took one of your legs. -- Lemony Snicket
It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting. -- Lemony Snicket
Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon. -- Lemony Snicket
Don't be absurd!" Jerome said. "Ruthless kidnapping villains aren't in! -- Lemony Snicket
There's a lot that doesn't make sense -- Lemony Snicket
The Baudelaires were sad to see a framed photograph of a kind-looking man with a handful of crackers in one hand and his lips pursed as if he were whistling. It was Ike, and the Baudelaires knew that she had placed his photograph there because she was too sad to look at it. -- Lemony Snicket
I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong. -- Lemony Snicket
My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it. -- Lemony Snicket
But you can't invent things like time,' Violet said. 'You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window waster. But you can't invent more time. -- Lemony Snicket
Hee hee hee!" Nero said. "You children are like three clowns!"
"Ho ho ho!" Count Olaf said.
"Ha ha ha!" Violet said, who was beginning to feel queasy from faking all this laughter. -- Lemony Snicket
I'm not smart, Snicket. I don't ask the right questions and I never find the right answers. -- Lemony Snicket
Klaus sighed, and opened a book, and as at so many other times when the middle Baudelaire child did not want to think about his circumstances, he began to read. -- Lemony Snicket
There is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time. -- Lemony Snicket
O!" Sunny shrieked.
"O!" Klaus agreed.
"O!" Sunny insisted.
"Oh!" Klaus cried. "I see what you mean! ... -- Lemony Snicket
She took Sunny's coat off, and then her own, and dropped them both on the floor. Normally, of course, one should hang up one's coat on a hook or in a closet, but itchy hives are very irritating and tend to make one abandon such matters. -- Lemony Snicket
Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason. -- Lemony Snicket
It was amazing, she thought, how everything having to do with Count Olaf was frightening. -- Lemony Snicket
It is good to see people happy with one another. It is a glimpse of a world in which everyone is that way. A happy world might be boring, I told myself, but watching Jake grin at Cleo grinning at Jake grinning at Cleo and back again, I thought it was worth the risk. -- Lemony Snicket
Dessert is the most important meal of the day! -- Lemony Snicket
If you don't choose the wicked thing what in the world will you do? -- Lemony Snicket
To those who hadn't been around Violet long, nothing would have seemed unusual, but those who knew her well knew that when she tied her hair up in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes, it meant that the gears and levers of her inventing brain were whirring at top speed. -- Lemony Snicket
... and the Baudelaire orphans climbed aboard, turning the tables of their lives and breaking their unfortunate cycle for the very first time. -- Lemony Snicket
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf. -- Lemony Snicket
I am sorry to say that Mr. Poe had not done a very good job so far, and that the Baudelaires had learned that the only thing they could rely on with Mr. Poe was that he always had a cough. -- Lemony Snicket
Aunt Josephine had been so careful to avoid anything that she thought might harm her, but harm had still come her way. -- Lemony Snicket
There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes words are not enough. -- Lemony Snicket
It certainly was," Klaus agreed, not adding that he had known the word "superlative" since he was eleven. "I see that just about every evening," Hector said, "and it always impresses me. It always makes me hungry, -- Lemony Snicket
Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said. -- Lemony Snicket
It takes years for the land to recuperate from a fire, but even in the darkest of ashes eventually something can grow. -- Lemony Snicket
I stayed up all night reading. -- Lemony Snicket
For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand. -- Lemony Snicket
Crying is the opposite of scolding, because adults are hardly ever allowed to do it. -- Lemony Snicket
I guess we'll be traveling in uncharted waters."
"That'll be fun," Phil said. -- Lemony Snicket
For one thing, the penthouse was simply too big. Besides the seventy-one bedrooms, there were a number of living rooms, dining rooms, breakfast rooms, snack rooms, sitting rooms, standing rooms, ballrooms, bathrooms, kitchens, and an assortment of rooms that seem to have no purpose at all. -- Lemony Snicket
The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with them, and where children can find themselves all alone in the world, struggling to understand the mystery that surrounds them. -- Lemony Snicket
Like many people who dress in black, the lump of coal was interested in becoming an artist. -- Lemony Snicket
The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they're being followed. -- Lemony Snicket
They can teach you anything. That doesn't mean you learn it. It doesn't mean you believe it. -- Lemony Snicket
Imagining the worst doesn't keep it from happening -- Lemony Snicket
Who knows what any of those people or fish would do in our shoes?" Violet said. "It's impossible to know. -- Lemony Snicket
These brats know a lot of words,' Shirley said, in her ridiculously fake high voice. 'They're book addicts. But we can still create an accident and win the fortune! -- Lemony Snicket
Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily. -- Lemony Snicket
Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove! -- Lemony Snicket
Calling a person 'sir' can often help you get what you want, unless of course the person is a woman. -- Lemony Snicket
It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea. -- Lemony Snicket
I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong. -- Lemony Snicket
After they had been reunited with their baby sister and learned the secret of Verbal Fridge Dialogue. And -- Lemony Snicket
If you know somebody very well, like your grandmother or your baby sister, you will know when they are real and when they are fake. -- Lemony Snicket
Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding. -- Lemony Snicket
Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometime during your life - in fact, very soon - you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book's first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains. -- Lemony Snicket
It only seems scarey' Klaus said, as if reading his sister's thoughts, 'because of the mist. -- Lemony Snicket
Klaus, and Sunny had been many, many times to Mr. Poe's office at the bank, where he coughed and talked on the phone and made decisions -- Lemony Snicket
There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head. -- Lemony Snicket
Uncle Monty smiled at the orphans. 'That's quite all right,' he said. 'Questions show an inquisitive mind. -- Lemony Snicket
It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much. -- Lemony Snicket
I discovered this myself when I was woken up in the middle of the night and chased sixteen miles by an angry mob armed with torches, swords, and vicious dogs, -- Lemony Snicket
Uncle Monty tell -- Lemony Snicket
Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence. -- Lemony Snicket
It is remarkable that different people will have different thoughts when they look at the same thing. -- Lemony Snicket
Even the best plans can change if there's an accident. -- Lemony Snicket
The siblings wished that if Mr. Poe were really jealous of them he would attend Prufrock Preparatory School himself, and they could work at the bank. -- Lemony Snicket
For Beatrice- I would much prefer it if you were alive and well. -- Lemony Snicket
One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different. -- Lemony Snicket
Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want ... -- Lemony Snicket
A wonderful laugh is no excuse for villainous behavior! -- Lemony Snicket
We're all afraid, but that didn't stop us. -- Lemony Snicket
Impertinent is a word which actually means not suitable to the circumstances, but most people use it to mean I am using a complicated word in hopes that it will make you stop talking ... -- Lemony Snicket
Ike always loved the sunshine, and I like to imagine that wherever he is now, it's as sunny as can be. Of course, nobody knows what happens to you after you die, but it's nice to think of my husband someplace very, very hot, don't you think? -- Lemony Snicket
One cannot spend forever sitting and solving the mysteries of one's history. -- Lemony Snicket
If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn't mean that you would be a midget if you were bald. -- Lemony Snicket
The dumplings had the flavor of paradise, and the broth spread through my veins like a secret that's fun to keep. -- Lemony Snicket
We're not out of the woods yet. -- Lemony Snicket
I pushed the door open, slow as long division. -- Lemony Snicket
A short woman might be difficult to see on a crowded city street, particularly if she has disguised herself as a mailbox, and people keep putting letters in her mouth. -- Lemony Snicket
It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier. -- Lemony Snicket
The accident," she said finally, "happened because Klaus was hypnotized."
"What your brother does for a hobby is none of my concern," Sir said. -- Lemony Snicket
Sunny did not reply, but her siblings were not alarmed because they imagined it was difficult to say much when you had a mouthful of wall. -- Lemony Snicket
The bears bear hard hard yarn yarns you are unlikely to be confused. -- Lemony Snicket
Stop!" Jerome Squalor pleaded. "In the name of injustice! -- Lemony Snicket
Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day. -- Lemony Snicket
Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don't tell them they aren't. Sit with them and have a drink. -- Lemony Snicket
Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter. -- Lemony Snicket
She wouldn't have to be lying to be wrong. -- Lemony Snicket
And all of it was dark. I could see tall shelves, and a few windows covered in thick shades that hid the starlight. In the middle of the room was a circular table with shadows gathered around it. "Who wrote The Wind in the Willows?" asked -- Lemony Snicket
The sad truth is the truth is sad. -- Lemony Snicket
Triplets are when four babies are born at the same time, and there are only two Quagmires. -- Lemony Snicket
I will love you as a cufflink loves to drop from its shirt and explore the party for itself. -- Lemony Snicket
It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read. -- Lemony Snicket
Inside these letters, the eye will see
Nearby are your friends, and VFD. -- Lemony Snicket
Nevermore Tree was gargantuan, a word which here means 'having attained an inordinate amount of botanical volume. -- Lemony Snicket
There was a philosopher who said that all of life is just shadows. He said that people were just sitting in a cave, watching shadows on the cave wall. Aye - shadows of something much bigger and grander than themselves. -- Lemony Snicket
People who say money doesn't matter are like people who say cake doesn't matter - it's probably because they've already had a few slices. -- Lemony Snicket
In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle. -- Lemony Snicket
But lyrics are not proof; photographs are. -- Lemony Snicket
Time after time he[Count Olaf] had come very close to succeeding, and time after time the Baudelaire orphans had revealed his plan, and time after time he had escaped-and all Mr. Poe had ever done was cough. -- Lemony Snicket
But happy moments came rarely and unexpectedly in the Baudelaires' lives, and the three siblings had learned to accept them. -- Lemony Snicket
When the town aches,
the Swinster Pharmacy aches with it. -- Lemony Snicket
The word "dreadful," even when used three times in a row, did not seem like a dreadful enough word to describe everything that had happened. -- Lemony Snicket
Who you are and what you read is private in a library. -- Lemony Snicket
Ceviche is an acquired taste, a phrase which here means something you don't like the first few times you eat it ... -- Lemony Snicket
They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie. -- Lemony Snicket
It is the things that have a history, L. Compared to them we are ghosts. -- Lemony Snicket
But there are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them -- Lemony Snicket
Why does anyone have a lot of rules? So they can boss people around, I guess. -- Lemony Snicket
You're noble enough, Baudelaires. That's all we can ask for in this world. -- Lemony Snicket
everything being fine is only one of many, many reasons why someone may not contact you. Perhaps they are tied up. Maybe they are surrounded by fierce weasels, or perhaps they are wedged tightly between two refrigerators and cannot get themselves out. -- Lemony Snicket
I'll tell you why I'm Shirley," Count Olaf said. "I'm Shirley because I would like to be called Shirley, and it is impolite not to do so. -- Lemony Snicket
There are few sights sadder than a ruined book. -- Lemony Snicket
Being curious is the most important part of being a journalist. It might be the most important part of being anything. -- Lemony Snicket
Are you who I think you are? -- Lemony Snicket
Nobody can teach you how to like something. You can like it, or you can pretend to like it, in order to make someone happy. -- Lemony Snicket
The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman
it might be embarrassing to explain, but it would be very unusual to get them confused. -- Lemony Snicket
Quagmires, remember? -- Lemony Snicket
Normally I don't approve of children staying up late,' he said finally, 'unless they are reading a very good book, seeing a wonderful movie, or attending a dinner party with fascinating guests. -- Lemony Snicket
I am heartbroken, but I have been heartbroken before, and this might be the best for which I can hope. -- Lemony Snicket
It was a curious feeling, that something could be so close and so distant at the same time. -- Lemony Snicket
Beef. Yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted. -- Lemony Snicket
Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes when someone tells a ridiculous lie, it is best to ignore it entirely. -- Lemony Snicket
But it's far too late for us; ring, hair, letters, photographs
all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram ... -- Lemony Snicket
No, no,' Phil Said. 'It's fine. I've never liked my left leg so much, anyways. -- Lemony Snicket
Nowhere in the world is safe," Count Olaf said.
Not with you around," Violet agreed.
I'm no worse than anyone else," Count Olaf said. -- Lemony Snicket
Count Olaf has been captured," she -- Lemony Snicket
Count Olaf: You should have given up a long time ago, orphans. I triumphed the moment you lost your family.
Violet: We didn't lose our family. Only our parents. -- Lemony Snicket
Count Olaf were watching them even when he wasn't nearby. -- Lemony Snicket
Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying? -- Lemony Snicket
What are your names?"
"You know our names," Violet said curtly, a word which here means "tired of Count Olaf's nonsense." "That wig and that lipstick don't fool us any more than your pale-brown dress and sensible beige shoes. You're Count Olaf. -- Lemony Snicket
Count Olaf was so obsessed with getting his filthy hands on the money that he hatched a devious plan that gives me nightmares to this day. -- Lemony Snicket
Violet stayed still as a statue. She hadn't been listening to the last speech of Count Olaf's, knowing it would be full of the usual self-congratulatory nonsense and despicable insults. -- Lemony Snicket
Count Olaf had taken out a bottle of wine to pour himself some breakfast, but when he saw the book he stopped, and sat down. -- Lemony Snicket
If you are trying to fool a farsighted or dimwitted person, a veiled facial disguise might be enough. -- Lemony Snicket
A rug feels like a lion, but that doesn't mean you can ride it. -- Lemony Snicket
Literature doesn't exactly have a strong mental-health track record. -- Lemony Snicket
Hello?" Violet said finally.
The telephone said nothing.
"Hello?" Violet said again. "Hello? Hello?"
The telephone did not answer. -- Lemony Snicket
Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. -- Lemony Snicket
Hungry licked her spoon and then pointed it at me. 'Aren't you forgetting the dishes?' she asked.
'Absolutely not,' I said. 'I'll remember the dishes as long as I live. See you later, Hungry. -- Lemony Snicket
For Beatrice, when we first met,
I was lonely, and you were pretty.
Now I am pretty lonely. -- Lemony Snicket
I am often very lonely up on this hill by myself, and when Mr. Poe wrote to me about your troubles I didn't want you to be as lonely as I was when I lost my dear Ike. -- Lemony Snicket
And Sunny crawled around solemnly biting each of Edgar and Albert's shoes, leaving small teeth marks in each one so she would not be forgotten. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. -- Lemony Snicket
Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps. -- Lemony Snicket
But some secrets are so strange and so dangerous that showing them to people makes the strangeness and the danger pour into their lives like a dark, dark ink. -- Lemony Snicket
The library was one enormous room, with long, high metal shelves and the perfect quiet that libraries provide for anyone looking for an answer. -- Lemony Snicket
Morning is one of the best times for thinking. When one has just woken up, but hasn't yet gotten out of bed, it is a perfect time to look up at the ceiling, consider one's life, and wonder what the future will hold. -- Lemony Snicket
-the phrase "lion's share" here means "the biggest part" and has nothing to do with lions or sharing- -- Lemony Snicket
As I'm sure you know, the expression 'It's all uphill from here' has nothing to do with walking up stairs - it merely means that things will get better in the future. -- Lemony Snicket
Grinning is something you do when you are entertained in some way, such as reading a good book or watching someone you don't care for spill orange soda all over themselves. -- Lemony Snicket
If you are baking a pie for your friends, and you read an article entitled 'How to Build a Chair' instead of a cookbook, you pie will probably end up tasting like wood and nails instead of like crust and fruity filling. -- Lemony Snicket
Is the elevator out of order?" Violet asked. "I'm very good with mechanical devices, and I'd be happy to take a look at it."
"That's a very kind and unusual offer," the doorman said. -- Lemony Snicket
As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [ ... ] -- Lemony Snicket
When you think of me," she said quietly "think of a food you love very much. -- Lemony Snicket
There are almost as many kinds of libraries as there are kinds of readers. -- Lemony Snicket
Nothing firms up a friendship like a good-natured argument. -- Lemony Snicket
Mr. Poe meant well, but a jar of mustard probably also means well and would do a better job of keeping the Baudelaires out of danger. -- Lemony Snicket
I'm happier than a pig eating bacon! -- Lemony Snicket
I'd worry about your chaperone. She's trapped, like a spider caught in a web."
"Spiders make webs," I said. "They don't get caught in them."
"I meant a fly," Stew growled.
"How in the world would a spider get caught in a fly? -- Lemony Snicket
The children had been using these spatulas as oars, but rowing a boat is very hard work, particularly if one's traveling companions are too busy bragging to help out, and Violet was trying to think of a way they might move the boat faster. -- Lemony Snicket
It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger. -- Lemony Snicket
The end of THE END is the best place to begin THE END, because if you read THE END from the beginning of the beginning of THE END to the end of the end of THE END, you will arrive at the end. -- Lemony Snicket
- "What kind of funny?" I asked her. "Funny like a clown onstage? Or funny like a clown hanging around the entrance to a bank?"
-"The bank one. -- Lemony Snicket
I will love you as an oven loves malfunctioning in the middle of roasting a turkey. -- Lemony Snicket
There are some secrets you want to keep to yourself, even if they don't matter. They might only matter if you keep them secret. -- Lemony Snicket
Oh!' Said Sunny, and everyone knew what she meant. She meant, 'What a terrible place! I don't want to live there at all! -- Lemony Snicket
Fire is like greed, my comrade. It spreads across the world, thinking only of itself, seizing everything it sees, and ruining everyone's fun. -- Lemony Snicket
Some of the simplest things in like are the most difficult to imagine. -- Lemony Snicket
For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave. -- Lemony Snicket
Unpleasant in the world. It is called Lousy Lane. Lousy Lane runs through fields that are a sickly gray color, in which a handful of scraggly trees produce apples so -- Lemony Snicket
Sickly gray color, in which a handful of scraggly trees produce apples so sour that one only has to look at them to feel ill. Lousy Lane traverses the -- Lemony Snicket
Sunny did not eat the wood, of course, but she chewed on it and pretended it was a carrot, or an apple, or a beef and cheese enchilada, all of which she loved. -- Lemony Snicket
There are some things you cannot explain to anyone, even when they have been explained to you, over and over, almost since the day you were born. -- Lemony Snicket
panic. "Vireo!" Sunny cried, which meant "Let's run - or, in my case, crawl - as fast as we can!" "We'll never run fast -- Lemony Snicket
Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean that it's nonsense. -- Lemony Snicket
It is often difficult to admit that someone you love is not perfect, or to consider aspects of a person that are less than admirable. -- Lemony Snicket
It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right. -- Lemony Snicket
If you don't like peas,it is probably because you have not had them fresh.It is the difference between reading a great book and reading the summary on the back -- Lemony Snicket
It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought, sooner or later becomes an adult. -- Lemony Snicket
The only thing he cares about. -- Lemony Snicket
The only thing worse than a perilous adventure is a boring one. -- Lemony Snicket
What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet. You can wash it, and wash it, and still never forget what has transpired - a word which here means 'happened, and made everybody sad'. -- Lemony Snicket
Myths are often entertaining, but they're never very helpful. -- Lemony Snicket
Meeting, but first they must travel in a rattletrap submarine to the Gorgonian Grotto, a dangerous underwater cave, in search of the sugar bowl. ISBN 0-06-441014-5 - ISBN 0-06-029642-9 (lib. -- Lemony Snicket
Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time. -- Lemony Snicket
Klaus had known for all twelve of his years that his older sister found a hand on her shoulder comforting - as long as the hand was attached to an arm, of course. -- Lemony Snicket
Accidents happen all the time. -- Lemony Snicket
That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ... -- Lemony Snicket
If you're not scared, she told me, it's not bravery. -- Lemony Snicket
Busman's holiday is an expression which refers to when people do the same thing on vacation that they do in their everyday lives, such as plumbers who visit the Museum of Sinks, or villains who disguise themselves even on their days off. -- Lemony Snicket
There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. -- Lemony Snicket
Truth, schmuth," Captain Sham said. If you don't care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the real first letters. Somebody who didn't care about dentists, for instance, could say "Dentists, schmentists. -- Lemony Snicket
It is always interesting to observe what people are wearing in the middle of the night, although there are more pleasant ways to make such observations without being accused of murder. -- Lemony Snicket
For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended. -- Lemony Snicket
Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see. -- Lemony Snicket
Reread favourite books as if you are taking apart a clock -- Lemony Snicket
Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection. -- Lemony Snicket
You're not a receptionist!" Violet cried.
"I certainly am," Shirley said. "I'm a poor receptionist who lives all by herself, and who wants very much to raise children of her own. Three children, in fact: a smartypants little girl, a hypnotized little boy, and a buck-toothed baby. -- Lemony Snicket
Raisins are healthy, and they are inexpensive, and some people may even find them delicious. But they are rarely considered helpful. -- Lemony Snicket
Well-read people are less likely to be evil. -- Lemony Snicket
Blinded following the Blindfolded -- Lemony Snicket
When i first read the book it was sooo amazing soo i decide to read the whole series but when i got up to no.2 books it got sad i was abite crying at the end but you should read the book it soo amazing -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes the things you've lost can be found again in unexpected places. -- Lemony Snicket
Perhaps I should just bury myself and become a diamond after thousands of years of intense pressure -- Lemony Snicket
Velocity!" Sunny shrieked.
I know we have to hurry!" Klaus cried. -- Lemony Snicket
In the meantime, it is best to grab what wonderful moments you find lying around. -- Lemony Snicket
If you ask one question, it will lead you to another, and another. It's like peeling an onion. -- Lemony Snicket
There are some things we might not know, but that doesn't mean we should give up. We can find out what we need to know. We can find out everything -- Lemony Snicket
Waiting is one of life's hardships. -- Lemony Snicket
Tall and skinny, with arms and legs sticking out at odd angles, as if [they] were made of drinking straws instead of flesh and bone. -- Lemony Snicket
Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late. -- Lemony Snicket
Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact. -- Lemony Snicket
...bravery often demands a price. -- Lemony Snicket
I give up," Mr. Poe said, and coughed into his handkerchief. "Five hundred is too much to pay for a big herring statue. -- Lemony Snicket
It was another thing you didn't learn at a top-drawer school. Bickering is like baldness or lousy gifts. It runs in families. -- Lemony Snicket
Lion which was nailed to the wall to the bowl of apple cores which sat on a small wooden table. -- Lemony Snicket
It's rarely good when someone says your full name, except perhaps when it's at the end of I have a package for. -- Lemony Snicket
How clever of you to figure that out,' said a voice at the top of the stairs, and Violet, and Klaus were so surprised they almost dropped the lamp. It was Stephano, or, if you prefer, it was Count Olaf. It was the bad guy. -- Lemony Snicket
People who think nothing could go wrong are usually disappointed. -- Lemony Snicket
seemed like small potatoes. -- Lemony Snicket
But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. -- Lemony Snicket
Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they've been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative. -- Lemony Snicket
In an emergency, one often learns that one's companions can be of even less help in extraordinary circumstances than they are during an average evening. -- Lemony Snicket
It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring. -- Lemony Snicket
She was stronger than Stew Mitchum, or maybe she just wanted something more than he did. -- Lemony Snicket
A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out. -- Lemony Snicket
Troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them. -- Lemony Snicket
Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down. -- Lemony Snicket
A bolt from the blue. -- Lemony Snicket
I purchased some clothes for you," Theodora said ... "I was given you measurements, so hopefully they fit. If they don't, you will have to either lose or gain weight or height. -- Lemony Snicket
You know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit. -- Lemony Snicket
Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action. -- Lemony Snicket
This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you. -- Lemony Snicket
So you're reluctant, I said to myself. Many, many people are reluctant. It's like having feet. It's nothing to brag about. -- Lemony Snicket
There is a pair of snakes who have learned to drive a car so recklessly that they would run you over in the street and never stop to apologize. -- Lemony Snicket
Moxie gave me a small smile. "Why do you always say that- which here means?"
"I'll probably outgrow it," I said. -- Lemony Snicket
The scientific principles of the convergence and refraction of light are very confusing, and quite frankly I can't make head or tail of them, even when my friend Dr. Lorenz explains them to me. -- Lemony Snicket
Of course you can trust me," Jake Hix said. "We read the same books. -- Lemony Snicket
I am so tired, I can hardly type these worfs. -- Lemony Snicket
That's true," the male officer said. "Stew Mitchum is as cute as a button."
I tried to think of buttons I'd seen that liked to torture small animals, but I couldn't. -- Lemony Snicket
Respecting one's elders is difficult enough, but when they are soaked with water and have proved themselves to be dishonest, it is nearly impossible. -- Lemony Snicket
Mob psychology, Sunny said, remembering a term Klaus had taught her shortly before she took her first steps. -- Lemony Snicket
You cannot wait for an untroubled world to have an untroubled moment. -- Lemony Snicket
We've discovered a way to dilute -- Lemony Snicket
How did you do that?" Mr. Poe asked. "Nice girls shouldn't know how to do such things."
"My sister is a nice girl," Klaus said, "and she knows how to do all sorts of things. -- Lemony Snicket
They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind. -- Lemony Snicket
Mr. Poe couldn't think of anything else to say that might have comforted the Baudelaire orphans, but I wish now that I had the power to go back in time and speak to these three sobbing children. -- Lemony Snicket
But the sad truth is that the truth is sad, and that what you want does not matter. A series of unfortunate events can happen to anyone, no matter what they want. -- Lemony Snicket
A mystery is solved with a story. -- Lemony Snicket
There's nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as the nonsense is yours. -- Lemony Snicket
The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drift near each other when we need a ride from someone or when someone needs us to wash our hands. -- Lemony Snicket
A mystery is solved with a story. The story starts with a clue, but the trouble is that you usually have no idea what the clue is, even if you think you know. -- Lemony Snicket
villains need to develop a villainous laugh, so that they may simultaneously celebrate their villainous deeds and frighten whatever nonvillainous people happen to be nearby. -- Lemony Snicket
People who think nothing can go wrong are usually disappointed. -- Lemony Snicket
I didn't realize this was a sad occasion. -- Lemony Snicket
Life is a conundrum of esoterica. -- Lemony Snicket
They are stupid, aren't they?" Dr. Orwell agreed, as though they were talking about the weather instead of insulting young children. -- Lemony Snicket
Their adventure would be exciting and memorable lie being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorny bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you. -- Lemony Snicket
When you have only know someone for a few hours it is difficult to now what they would like to hear. -- Lemony Snicket
No matter what documents you investigate, and what objects you retrieve, you many never answer the questions that are most important to you, but nevertheless, sooner or later you must finish whatever file you have begun. -- Lemony Snicket
Showing up early is one of the signs of a noble person ... -- Lemony Snicket
To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn't work, there is nothing left. -- Lemony Snicket
The hallway was lined with numbered doors, odd numbers on one side and even numbers on the other, and large ornamental vases, too large to hold flowers and too small to hold spies. -- Lemony Snicket
Was it really necessary? Was it absolutely necessary to steal that sugar bowl from Esme Squalor? -- Lemony Snicket
Get out of my way, you cakesniffers! said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by. -- Lemony Snicket
You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments. -- Lemony Snicket
You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats. -- Lemony Snicket
Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you. -- Lemony Snicket