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Once the Hack-a-Shaq works once, you know I'm going to see it again. The only thing worse for basketball than that defense is the Lack-a-Shaq offense, where I have to go to the bench because of foul trouble. There is no fun in that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm like tax. You're going to pay one way or the other. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think it would be a boring game if everybody was the same, just like it would be boring if you guys asked the same dumb questions. -- Shaquille O'neal
I started out as a young Ninja and killed all of the Shoguns. I am a Shogun now and I'm holding my spot. There probably won't be another Shogun after this. -- Shaquille O'neal
I told Leonard, in the immortal words of Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 2, 'I'm going on vacation. If I tell you where I'm going, then it won't be a vacation.' -- Shaquille O'neal
I blame Riley for my broken thumb, not Matt Geiger. That ain't defense Miami is playing. That's just chopping. I have no idea how his team gets away with it. I guess when you've been in the league 30 years you can do it. Respect, he gets it - he's like John Gotti. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'll just have to get it against my favorite team. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's LeBron's team. He's the captain. This is the time in my career where I can fit in. I'm now in the security business. My job is to protect the King, and that's what I'm here to do. -- Shaquille O'neal
He doesn't need advice on how to play his position, but he needs advice on how to play team ball ... If it's going to be my team, I'll voice my opinion. If he don't like it, he can opt out. -- Shaquille O'neal
There was a kid that had five brothers and sisters, and the family was missing for like five days. I was watching TV, they [found each other] and now they're in San Antonio. So I bought them a little apartment in San Antonio. But I'm doing stuff like that all over. -- Shaquille O'neal
No one was there. Some teammates, huh? I guess they didn't want to get their lip busted like the gentleman I busted. Sorry for that sir. -- Shaquille O'neal
Someday I might have to put down a basketball and have a regular 9-to-5 like everybody else. -- Shaquille O'neal
Doesn't matter. If I would've had a beer before the game, I would've been drunk. So I don't believe in 'if.' -- Shaquille O'neal
The only demise of Shaquille O'Neal will be his age. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've always been a leader. Every team I've played on, I've led my way. -- Shaquille O'neal
The two top teams with nice weather and nice people were Dallas and Miami. Of course, the Lakers wouldn't want to trade me in the same conference, so Miami was perfect. -- Shaquille O'neal
I just want everyone to know I'm suing Ruben Studdard. He had his hand on my ass and he wouldn't let go. -- Shaquille O'neal
If I was able to have the game I have and shoot 80% from the line, I'd probably be an arrogant person rather than a humble one. Everything happens for a reason. -- Shaquille O'neal
I feel like Bill Walton - old and shitty. -- Shaquille O'neal
Because I'm so big, you have to look at me. I think of myself as a monument. But sometimes I like to feel small. -- Shaquille O'neal
How can Benedict Arnold be reliable in what he says? -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm a weird big guy. Doing rapping, doing movies. Do a lot of stuff. But always do things the right way. -- Shaquille O'neal
We had more great times than bad times together, but they've moved on, I've moved on. I have a new team now and I have a new focus. -- Shaquille O'neal
I really get motivated when I have doubters. -- Shaquille O'neal
It means I don't have to charter that big jet for the family. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'd shoot zero percent before I'd shoot underhanded. -- Shaquille O'neal
I endorse only products I actually use. Like Wheaties keeps offering me money, but I don't eat Wheaties, so I can't do it. Now, if Rice Krispies or Frosted Flakes offered me a deal, I'd take it right away. Apple Jacks, I'd be on the box in a heartbeat. Apple Shaqs. Yeah. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm not the one buying love. He's the one buying love. -- Shaquille O'neal
The East is going to be pretty easy for me. The Great Chest of the West becomes the Great Beast of the East. -- Shaquille O'neal
When I concentrate and focus, they always go in, so I'm gonna continue to do that, and they will go in. -- Shaquille O'neal
It gets bigger every time you go over. In China, there was Yao Ming stuff everywhere. I'm just fortunate to have a good-looking face to where they recognize me. -- Shaquille O'neal
Przybilla can't guard me when I'm 27, 37 or 47. -- Shaquille O'neal
The NBA is fairy tale and real life mixed together. -- Shaquille O'neal
They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm George Bush. I'm the president. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities - I'm proven to be good. I've still got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm a very quotatious person. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't ever want to grow up. I guess I'm like Peter Pan. Grown-ups have problems. I want to stay happy. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm very excited about my new agreement with the Heat. This contract allows me to address all of my family's long-term financial goals while allowing the Heat the ability to acquire those players that we need to win a championship. -- Shaquille O'neal
I take it personal when people don't double me. It's against my religion not to double me. It upsets me. It makes me think they're saying to themselves I don't have it anymore. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's just one more win. I don't give a [bleep] how we do it, as long as we get it done. Did I say [bleep]? I'm sorry. -- Shaquille O'neal
My message to little kids who aspire to be anything they want to be is to listen to their parents. -- Shaquille O'neal
Keep in mind, I'm not allowed to be tough. I'm tamed. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm on a mission. And I know the older I get, I may lose a step or two, but it's all up in the medulla oblongata. I've got a lot up there. I've got a lot of knowledge ... in this medulla oblongata. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm not a young jitterbug anymore. When I was a young jitterbug, I never won. I didn't start winning until I got older. The older I get, the wiser I get. You just have to play it smart. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've won at every level, except college and pro. -- Shaquille O'neal
No one calls me out, I'm from LSU. -- Shaquille O'neal
The problem with kids these days is they don't have enough fun stuff to do. When I was stationed with my family in Germany, youth basketball programs gave me something to strive to do my best at. -- Shaquille O'neal
My job has always been to entertain people. I want people to laugh. -- Shaquille O'neal
Enunciation, diction, all that stuff. None of that is in my personality. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm like President Bush. You may not like me, you may not respect me, but you voted me in. -- Shaquille O'neal
One time, I put up 40, 50 points dunking on Shawn Bradley. After the game, he brought his family over. He was like, 'This is my wife. She wants to take a picture.' I'm like, 'Nice to meet you.' I smile into the camera, take the picture, and then feel guilty about dunking on him so many times. -- Shaquille O'neal
But that is the only thing that slows me down is the system. No one, two or three was big enough to slow me down, only the system. It was the system that slowed me down to make my numbers fall. Not because I am older. -- Shaquille O'neal
I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak. -- Shaquille O'neal
There's no answer for my offense, just like the polythagorean theorem. -- Shaquille O'neal
The best quality about Kobe Bryant? You want me to be honest? I don't know. I'll tell you why. I open my arms to everybody. But he never stepped forward for the embrace. So I never really got to know him. I don't know anything about him, and it's kinda sad. -- Shaquille O'neal
My father made me who I am. He gave me a basketball and told me to play with the ball, sleep with the ball, dream with the ball. Just don't take it to school. I used it as a pillow, and it never gave me a stiff neck. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's hard to get up for a good high-school team like the Chicago Bulls. -- Shaquille O'neal
Last time I looked at a [pay]check, I said to myself, 'Who the hell is FICA? And when I meet him, I'm going to punch him in the face. Oh my God, FICA is killing me.' -- Shaquille O'neal
It is not about how much money you make. The question is are you educated enough to KEEP it. -- Shaquille O'neal
Word has it, they think I'm an old man, and they're not gonna double me. My message is that I'm the baddest for my age bracketest. What I mean by age bracketest is that I came in at 20, I was the baddest 20, and I'm the baddest at 35. -- Shaquille O'neal
And if the big dog ain't me, then the house won't get guarded period. -- Shaquille O'neal
A lot of coaches play percentages when it comes to me, but that's just a way of saying that you can't stop me. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's his show and I'm just trying to make him look good. If we were the same age there might be a little tension, but I'm on my way out ... I am here to serve your every need, King James. -- Shaquille O'neal
I failed, I think, seven [or] eight times before I finally got my first [championship]. It was just, you know, just about me growing up. Now that I'm an old, old veteran-age 29-I do things a lot differently. I don't go to the gentlemen's clubs anymore. I had to slow that down. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't see us having a problem. It's going to be my job to manage the locker room, anyway, so it will work out. -- Shaquille O'neal
As a basketball fan, I get sick and tired of people talking about numbers. To me, the world is getting too materialistic. -- Shaquille O'neal
It was a cheap shot. They won the game, move on. My thing is, I don't ask for a lot, but I demand my respect, especially from a guy like that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think the new ball is terrible. It's the worst decision some expert, whoever did it, made. It's terrible. It's like touching an exotic dancer and then going and touching a plastic blow-up doll. You know, it feels different. -- Shaquille O'neal
When I first came in, I partied and had a good time. I used to spend $500,000 on chains that don't make no sense. Then I started having babies. I don't do the bull**** no more. -- Shaquille O'neal
I painted my toenails before Dennis Rodman. One time at training camp, I stubbed my toe and the nail came loose. My mom gave me some toenail hardener, and I painted over it. I scored 40-something points that night, so it became a ritual. Paint my toenails, score 40 points. -- Shaquille O'neal
Thank God I had two parents who loved me enough to stay on my case. -- Shaquille O'neal
If you want Shaq to be Shaq, you've got to remember that Shaq is known for wreaking havoc offensively - 26,000-plus points without consistently making free throws. Don't have me doing something I'm not used to doing. I ain't used to being a pick-setter. Let me badda-bing, badda-bang. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm a season kind of guy - not the preseason but the regular season. -- Shaquille O'neal
But, hey I did everything the right way and earned my spot in this game, nothing was given to me. -- Shaquille O'neal
We're the most experienced team in the league. I think we got a little too happy, running our mouths, jumping up and down, looking at the Heat dancers and all of that stuff. We had to step it up and show them what we're all about. -- Shaquille O'neal
Do we play Chicago again? I going to hit Othella Harrington right in the mouth. If he didn't have his clumsy ass on the floor, I wouldn't have fell. How he got on the ground, I don't know. He's clumsy. Quote me on that. I'm going to get him. -- Shaquille O'neal
I got it, I dove on the floor, he dove on my head and I hit my teeth on the ground. It was just one of my police reactions to get that criminal off me. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm a combination of the Terminator and Bambi. -- Shaquille O'neal
You know what's crazy about Yao? He speaks perfect English. A lot of people don't know that. Perfect English. When I was over there, I called him. He's like, 'Whassup big fella?' Perfect English! -- Shaquille O'neal
But you can not compare Yao's stats to mine. You just can't compare it and I am playing everyone one-on-one. -- Shaquille O'neal
How did Mike Bibby get on the team? Any Cub Scout with Boy Scouts can do Boy Scoutish things. When Bibby was in the Cub Scouts, he was a Cub Scout. When he was with Vancouver, nobody heard about him. Now that he's with Sacramento ... he's on the team. I ain't going. -- Shaquille O'neal
Whenever I see a celebrity that comes to watch me play, I'm going to do for them the same thing they've done for me - bring them some type of joy. -- Shaquille O'neal
If you take a needle and stick her in the booty and take a needle and stick me in the booty, we're both going to say ouch. -- Shaquille O'neal
You gotta fight all the karate guys, and once you kill them off, now you gotta get to the ninjas. Once you get through the ninjas, now you gotta get to the showmen. Now me, I'm the showman of big men. -- Shaquille O'neal
Some of my favorite songs
and I don't know if this is the right terminology
are white-boy classics. -- Shaquille O'neal
(The Hack-A-Shaq is) just a way of telling me that you can't stop me. Thank you. I appreciate it. -- Shaquille O'neal
If I don't get five [titles], I won't be happy with myself as a basketball player. I don't know how you guys will feel about me. -- Shaquille O'neal
Stats don't matter. I care about winning, not stats. If I score 0 points and we win I'm happy. If I score 50, 60 points, break the records, and we lose, I'm pissed off. 'Cause I knew I did something wrong. I'll have a hell of a season if I win the championship and average 20 points a game. -- Shaquille O'neal
Most ferocious was Kobe. Fiercest, most competitive, it was Kobe. D Wade is second after that. -- Shaquille O'neal
That dude scored 8 points in the last 19 seconds, pulled out a miracle win at the Garden. He made me choke on a chicken bone that day. I'm serious. -- Shaquille O'neal
As a military child I first learned how to deal with different types of people and how to deal with order. -- Shaquille O'neal
I dribble rhymes like basketball ...
People call me 'E.T.'
What's that, Shaq man?
'Extra Tall.' -- Shaquille O'neal
Once you learn how to do something, you don't lose it. Unless you die. -- Shaquille O'neal
Sometimes I feel like the Tom Hanks character in Big. But my life is not a movie. I never have to go back to Coney Island to find the fortune-teller machine so I have to grow up again. -- Shaquille O'neal
And I want to do it the right way, like everybody else, not just a famous figurehead that gets a job because he is a famous basketball player. I want to really learn the business. -- Shaquille O'neal
The NBA's been around how long? A hundred years? Fifty years? So to change it now, whoever that person is needs his college degree revoked ... Whoever did that needs to be fired. It was terrible, a terrible decision. Awful. I might get fined for saying that, but so what? -- Shaquille O'neal
If you go around the league, anybody with the last name 'vich' is a great shooter. Radmanovic, Vujacic ... all those 'iches. -- Shaquille O'neal
We're going to miss Damon. He was a great shooter ... He got what he wanted, but he gave up a lot. No more night life, no more warm weather and no more a lot of media attention ... I guess this was his first shot at getting something big. I guess he had to take it. -- Shaquille O'neal
Flash, take the game off. I'll go out and do the work. -- Shaquille O'neal
I was a medium-level juvenile delinquent from Newark who always dreamed about doing a movie. -- Shaquille O'neal
When you feed the big dog, it does whatever you tell him to do. -- Shaquille O'neal
Get your tickets now. Buy cable now. Get your jerseys now. Pull your boats up to the docking stations now. Bring your Sea-Doos now. If you can't afford a Sea-Doo, get a raft. -- Shaquille O'neal
Anyone can win a slam-dunk contest. The real Superman is dead. He was assassinated by Pat Riley. I'm the Big Cactus now and ready to roll again. -- Shaquille O'neal
You know how I be. Last week Kobe couldn't do without me. -- Shaquille O'neal
Because I grew up with a drill sergeant in my life, I respect order and it really gave me the discipline to be a leader and not a follower. It also helped me stay out of trouble. -- Shaquille O'neal
I told my wife the other day, I'm the Halle Berry of the NBA. Everybody wants this, baby. Everybody wants me. -- Shaquille O'neal
I told my wife when I was rolling up, I felt like the president. -- Shaquille O'neal
About strip clubs and athletes. The best way I can explain why a lot of players end up there is because it's one of the safest places a high-profile person can spend time in a boring city. -- Shaquille O'neal
There was not too much to do as a kid when we arrived in Germany. Playing basketball and listening to music gave me something to do. -- Shaquille O'neal
I knew I was dog meat. Luckily, I'm the high-priced dog meat that everybody wants. I'm the good-quality dog meat. I'm the Alpo of the NBA. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year - I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots. -- Shaquille O'neal
If he wants to get that next contract, he's going to have to go to the New York Athletic Club three times a day and just ride the bike. -- Shaquille O'neal
My children, every time they ask me for something, I tell them to round their old stuff up. -- Shaquille O'neal
I just said to myself, 'Damn, I'm a great player.' -- Shaquille O'neal
If you got the game, you got the game. That's why Tiger Woods is out there playing golf with Greg Norman. -- Shaquille O'neal
Like my good friend Eminem the rapper says, you only get one shot. -- Shaquille O'neal
I started out as a football player. I liked to inflict pain. In basketball, it was the same thing. -- Shaquille O'neal
We're focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it's not good enough to get you fat. We're trying to get fat. -- Shaquille O'neal
I urge all children to listen to their mothers and fathers. My mom was helping out some kids and she didn't want to call me for all of the money; she only wanted to take care of some of the kids. -- Shaquille O'neal
First person who says that to my face, I'll punch you! -- Shaquille O'neal
Why don't you bring your face up here and let me punch it? Then you can tell me (if I'm stronger). -- Shaquille O'neal
I ate too many Frosted Flakes. I don't remember what I said last night. -- Shaquille O'neal
You guys make the rules up, so a foul is a foul. It doesn't matter if a guy is bigger and stronger. It's not my fault I ate my Frosted Flakes when I was little, and you ate Wheaties. -- Shaquille O'neal
As a man, you got to know how to take it, so I just took it. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've been 11, 12 percent body fat my whole career. But when you've got a big, sexy, beautiful man that's up in the 340s, 350s, the way you guys were taught on this planet, you're going to automatically think it's fat. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't get tired. I get beat up. You keep chopping on a tree, you need to give the tree some rest so the chlorophyll will fill back up and the tree gets its energy back. -- Shaquille O'neal
I was kind of hoping it was Anna Kournikova. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm more like a senior adviser so I don't like to come in here and try to take over. Just like your basic karate movie where the young guys come to the old guys with beards who have them do weird stuff to get to the other side. That's who I am, the old guy with a long beard. -- Shaquille O'neal
The day I stopped worrying about stats is the day I started winning -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm not worried about facing the Sacramento Queens. Write it down. Take a picture. I'm not going to talk about this all year. When I get back, there's going to be trouble. -- Shaquille O'neal
To all the young people out there who think money and fame is important: that's only a small piece of the pie. You need an education to be totally secure in life. I feel very secure I can go get a real job now. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't think anything of Laura Frank. You heard me - Laura Frank. Not Lawrence. Laura ... It's not that I blame him, I just wish he'd go to a manly tactic and just fight me. Don't whine. When he whines, that's when I change his name of Lawrence Frank. -- Shaquille O'neal
I do what I do. Always. -- Shaquille O'neal
He's got a ring, so I'm taking home the trophy. -- Shaquille O'neal
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bet you can't type that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm the first player in history that doesn't want to play defense and still gets in foul trouble. -- Shaquille O'neal
I got into foul trouble, so I really kind of had to play on egg shells from there on out. -- Shaquille O'neal
I want to go to police academy, I want to actually go out and make a couple of arrests. I want to go undercover. -- Shaquille O'neal
All of my projects are done right because I know the game, and I consider myself a rap expert. -- Shaquille O'neal
Georgetown. Alonzo was the guy I always heard about. I've always wanted to measure myself against the best. -- Shaquille O'neal
When you're righteous, you don't have to tell people that you're righteous. -- Shaquille O'neal
I love the Miami atmosphere. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm still the baddest expletive in the world. Yeah, I'm getting older, but Kareem got older. Hakeem got older. I don't need Earthlings' respect. When it's all said and done, my name will be there and it will be mentioned ... unless you Earthlings try to erase it. -- Shaquille O'neal
Every time that I've won a championship I've looked at my guys around me and looked at their work ethic and said 'You know what, I'm going to win it this year. I feel that way now. -- Shaquille O'neal
The stats win nothing. I'm still sexy. I'm still great. -- Shaquille O'neal
When I tweet, I try and accomplish three things. One, is to make you laugh. Two, is to inform you. Three, is to enlighten you. That's all I do. -- Shaquille O'neal
When you've got a guy that's going to look for you, you run. A lot of people think I can't run, but my thing was I wasn't going to be running if you're not going to throw it. I know Nash will throw it. -- Shaquille O'neal
I would like to be refered to as 'The Big Aristotle'. -- Shaquille O'neal
When I get old, I'm going to the old folks' home. I don't want to be one of those guys who's hanging around the house bothering the kids. But not just any old folks' home. I want the whole top floor. -- Shaquille O'neal
I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to. -- Shaquille O'neal
My sons love LeBron more than they love me. I'm just a little jealous about it. -- Shaquille O'neal
Being that I'm a tropical black man I don't get to see much snow. When I see snow I go crazy. That's why they call me Sasquatch. There's no Sasquatch found in the snow so I had to go back to my Sasquatchian roots. -- Shaquille O'neal
One lucky shot deserves another. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm the LCL - the Last Center Left. I've been doing the same things for 13 years, but now they're flopping and falling, and the refs are falling for it, too. -- Shaquille O'neal
I knew Rick Pitino was going to make them play that outbreak, monkey defense. He's been doing it all his life. -- Shaquille O'neal
Everything happens for a reason. I'm used to it, I prepare for it. Like I say, at the end of the day, those in charge of their own destiny are going to do what's right for them and their family. -- Shaquille O'neal
He looks like a woman coach sometimes. I guess he's just trying to get into certain people's heads, but it won't work with me. Like a woman who coaches and cries all the time. He can't get in my head. He's a crybaby. -- Shaquille O'neal
We want to win. We want to win big. We want to win the whole thing. -- Shaquille O'neal
This is a tough game. There are times when you've got to play hurt, when you've got to block out the pain. -- Shaquille O'neal
Pluto is not a planet, but I am. -- Shaquille O'neal
Incense. Books. Just weird. -- Shaquille O'neal
I didn't say anything. Got nothing to say. I'm a married man; I don't need a relationship with another man. -- Shaquille O'neal
Everybody talks about being a role model. But if you look up the word 'role' in a dictionary, it describes playing a part. Everything I'm into, it's real to me. There's nothing fake about it. -- Shaquille O'neal
Phil took us to the finals three out of the five years and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man. That's like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that's 5-10, 480 (pounds). -- Shaquille O'neal
Nobody's going to tell me how to be different, so stop asking me. Stop asking me what two-plus-two is. Everybody knows two-plus-two is five. -- Shaquille O'neal
Coach (Pat) Riley told us on June 8 we'd win the title on June 20. -- Shaquille O'neal
Every team that plays us plays above their heads. That's because of me. -- Shaquille O'neal
If I get that thing down there in that area, that's 67% lifetime. If you don't believe me, Google it. I'm on the Internet. -- Shaquille O'neal
In this millennium that we live in, the 'Hack-a-Shaq'has proven not to work. It might work a couple games every now and then, but when it comes to the playoffs or a championship series, it doesn't work - not at all. -- Shaquille O'neal
Kids can still call me Shaq, but adults should call me Dr. O'Neal. -- Shaquille O'neal
A friend tweeted me with 'The Big Freeze.' I don't know about that one. I've got to go home, play around with the kids and figure something out. I'll have one. -- Shaquille O'neal
Now I see why everybody who plays for him doesn't like him. -- Shaquille O'neal
They say old people always come to Arizona, you know, to get recharged. -- Shaquille O'neal
There's two kinds of dirty - dirty and sewer-dirty. Danny Ferry is sewer-dirty and has been ever since he was at Duke. -- Shaquille O'neal
We live in an impatient world. Everybody is always looking for the next big Kobe, the next big LeBron, the next big Twitter. -- Shaquille O'neal
That is why one day I said my game will be like the Pythagorean Theorem - hard to figure out. A lot of people really don't know the Pythagorean Theory. They don't make them like me anymore. They don't want to make them like that anymore. -- Shaquille O'neal
That was a foul, young lady. You know that was a foul. Don't ask dumb questions. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'll take 14 out of 15 any day of the week, any week of the month, any month of the year, any year of the century. I don't know what comes after century. -- Shaquille O'neal
That's what I do. I get in and get under people's skin and all that stuff. But you will remember me - and that's all that matters. -- Shaquille O'neal
I play against a front and a back every night, Ming does not have to do that, Duncan does not have to do that, Garnett doesn't do that. I am the only one that has to do that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm just getting better and better. It's just like a bunch of worker bees protecting the king bee, because I'm not a queen bee. I'm a king bee. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'd heard stuff from out there that I was just another player, that I was too young. I wanted to show I could play with anybody. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't know how it is for you earthlings, but where I'm from, strength is mental. -- Shaquille O'neal
Now, the mistakes that I made with my other two sons, Penny and Kobe, I won't make with D-Wade. We can't let them break us up and we can't break each other up. -- Shaquille O'neal
I never worry about the problem. I worry about the solution. -- Shaquille O'neal
I want to be known as 'The Big Shakespeare.' It was Shakespeare that said, 'Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them.' -- Shaquille O'neal
You have to foul me to stop me, period. -- Shaquille O'neal
The Spurs are a great WNBA team. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm a cop, and cops talk. They called me the day he did it, but did you ever hear me say anything about it? I played ball, because that's how I am. I'm true. -- Shaquille O'neal
I take that as an insult, even at 36. -- Shaquille O'neal
The Big Cactus ... because if you come too close, you're gonna get stuck. -- Shaquille O'neal
The Big Cactus. I will stick you. -- Shaquille O'neal
He's the Italian version of my father. I don't know if he's Italian or not. -- Shaquille O'neal
I make the game easy. Double and triple me, I'll kick it out to you for a wide-open shot. I'll add years to your career. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think I'm the only player who looks at each and every center and says to myself, 'That's barbecued chicken down there.' -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm dominant every night. I come in every night and get beat up. I never make a face when they try to flagrant or hack-a-Shaq me, because I'm not from this planet. Earthlings don't faze me. -- Shaquille O'neal
I knew I was going to make one. I wanted to make two, but the first one rattled in and rattled right out. -- Shaquille O'neal
This summer is going to be a different summer for a lot of people. Everyone is going to take care of their own business and everyone is going to do what's best for them, including me. -- Shaquille O'neal
I had an awful first quarter but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it's not how you start the date, it's how you finish it sir. A lot of people can, you know, start the date with flowers and candy, but if you don't finish the date - you know what I mean? -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't see anybody, in any conference, that can shut me down. Any conference, anywhere in the world. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm probably going to have to go with Kobester. He's an assassin with LeBron coming right after. -- Shaquille O'neal
I would love an extension, who wouldn't? If they offer me a $35 million-a-year extension, I'll sign it right now. I won't even read the contract. I'm just here to take care of business and I know can help give the city what it's looking for. -- Shaquille O'neal
I have a lot left. There's only four or five good centers in the league and I'm in that number ... I've been in it for 17 years but I've missed three years because of injury. If you do the math, I've still got three years left. You got that? -- Shaquille O'neal
If you're going to hire an assassin, let him go out and kill someone. I can't be Shaq taking six or seven shots. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me. And the one guy who didn't vote for me, thank you, too. -- Shaquille O'neal
I was really upset. I felt like they tried to limit me, whoever 'they' may be. So I just said to myself third quarter I'm going to come out and do what I do. -- Shaquille O'neal
Some things you just can't question. Like you can't question why two plus two is four. So don't question it, don't try to look it up. I don't know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don't know. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think I'm one of the patches of the quilt here, myself and Dwyane. -- Shaquille O'neal
We have strict orders: If we talk about it we get fined $50,000. -- Shaquille O'neal
We want you all to be in shape and look as good as me. Because I will be walking naked on the beach. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's hard being the NBA's sex symbol, but somebody has to do it. -- Shaquille O'neal
Before I became the 'Great Test of the West, I was the 'Beast of the East.' -- Shaquille O'neal
You like that analogy? That was pretty good? -- Shaquille O'neal
Like I've always said, what's hot must go cold. -- Shaquille O'neal
This is my disguise, but it doesn't work. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm not going to go home and drink rat urine. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm going to be on a mission. I've handled my personal vendettas and handled them well. Every challenge you put in front of me, I've handled it, dismantled it - ate them, dropped them off in the bathroom and flushed them away. -- Shaquille O'neal
He's the president. I'm the general. Unless I want to get impeached, I got to do what he says. -- Shaquille O'neal
A pinch is a pinch. If you pinch my right nipple, I'm going to say, 'ouch.' If I pinch your right nipple, you're going to say 'ouch.' A foul is a foul and a flagrant is a flagrant. -- Shaquille O'neal
Obviously, Sam is the type of guy that hides behind his pen and pad. I promise you he wouldn't say that to my face in a dark alley where it's just me and him and no witnesses. -- Shaquille O'neal
Finally, I have someone that's like me. My other two pupils were the opposite sides of the moon. But this guy is on the same side of the moon, is on the same planet that I'm on. -- Shaquille O'neal
I know that this is sport first and business second, and people have to do what's right for them. -- Shaquille O'neal
Being here feels like I'm out of prison. This is the right place, the right time, the right team. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's a different role for me, playing with the great Dwyane Wade. -- Shaquille O'neal
It feels good. It's not bad for somebody who can't shoot. -- Shaquille O'neal
There is nothing to say because I know everything about him. I raised him. I know what's a charade, and I know what's not a charade. I'll leave it at that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I guess people think the taller you are the more dominant you have to be. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't believe that I personally have been changed by the money. The bad thing is people assume you've changed because now you have money. -- Shaquille O'neal
I am a tropical black man. -- Shaquille O'neal
They say things happen in three. I won with the great Kobe, the great D-Wade and now it's my job to win one with the great LeBron James. We have everything in place. We just got to get it done. -- Shaquille O'neal
Afterwards I said Chris Webber was going to leave as a free agent and Sacramento would go back to expansionism. -- Shaquille O'neal
Pat Riley is the best coach I've ever had. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's t'ai chi every time. I'm using your positive energy, and I'm blowing off it. See, most guys can't push, they got to lean. When they lean, I spin. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'll beat you up right now if you want me to. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm very educated and can give you somewhat of a vocabulary, but I don't get to the philosophical side. -- Shaquille O'neal
Opinions are like belly buttons; everybody has one. I never knock a man for his opinion. -- Shaquille O'neal
Everything is done out of respect, whether it's a cheer or a boo. -- Shaquille O'neal
I told our guys they must not have cable because Antoine Walker knows how to play, Derek Anderson can play, Shandon Anderson knows how to play, and Gary Payton knows how play. -- Shaquille O'neal
Y'all reporters like my quotes, don't you. Yeah, my quotes are Shaqalicious. -- Shaquille O'neal
You always have to take care of the sisters first, so my dad would buy Barbies and stuff and I wouldn't get anything. So I don't want any other kid to feel like that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I said what I felt, and people try to control people. But you can never control me. I'm a 31-year-old juvenile delinquent. Nobody can control me. -- Shaquille O'neal
Now, if you're an NBA fan, you know what Vince Carter did. I came up with a line about him: 'Half-man, half-amazing.' -- Shaquille O'neal
Yeah, D-Wade called me up last night and said that he saw some film of me in high school and thinks that my form then was better and that I should shoot like that. I told him I'd think about it and then my pops called and said something like that so I decided to revert back and then ... -- Shaquille O'neal
They want to beat the Don Dadda. It means, 'The Man.' -- Shaquille O'neal
We would love to have Gary down here. He's still tenacious on defense, and I know he still wants [a title]. And I'm the only guy in the world who can get him one. -- Shaquille O'neal
Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me? -- Shaquille O'neal
David Stern should get with the mothers of the NBA and let the moms decide what the dress code should be. I asked my mother if I could wear a chain, and she told me yeah. So I do stuff that my parents allow me to do. -- Shaquille O'neal
I was like, 'Huh? You want my jersey?' -- Shaquille O'neal
Against Bradley, every time I'm trying to dunk, dunk, dunk. -- Shaquille O'neal
When you flop, that's just another message that you don't know how to play me. Stand up and take your medicine like a man. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't know. I don't have a fax machine, so I didn't get that message. -- Shaquille O'neal
Challenge me. Treat me like a game of checkers and play me. That's all I'm asking, just play me. Treat me like Sega and play me. -- Shaquille O'neal
He can play. He can shoot. He can dribble. He can pass. He's a great player. Period. No question about it. And if anyone thinks Dirk is not a great player, I'll punch them in their face. -- Shaquille O'neal
As my great friend Aristotle said, 'If you cannot command, you must learn to listen.' I'm not the hierarchy here. I am a worker bee. -- Shaquille O'neal
Alvin's the coach. We must be the Clippers. And I must be Olowokandi. Nooooo! -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm always ready for a change. I'm Irish. I'm a leprechaun. -- Shaquille O'neal
This really isn't a game we really should be proud of. This game is liking taking your kids to the zoo. You're supposed to take your kids to the zoo. You're a father. So a team like that, we're supposed to beat them like this. -- Shaquille O'neal
If you don't stick to simplicity, you'll die a horrible death. -- Shaquille O'neal
There is no answer to the Pythagorean theorem. Well, there is an answer, but by the time you figure it out, I got 40 points, 10 rebounds and then we're planning for the parade. -- Shaquille O'neal
I am the number one Ninja and I have killed all the Shoguns in front of me. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm one year older, one year sexier - one more, baby. For me, it's all about the bigger picture. We want to win the whole thing. We've got to beat whoever is in our way. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've been playing on Christmas for the last 10, 11, 12 years. So just got to get up early with the babies, and give them their toys and try to get a nap in and just come to play. -- Shaquille O'neal
They are that same group, but I've got my own rivalristic problems. Is that a word, rivalristic? I've got my own rivalristic problems in the Eastern Conference. -- Shaquille O'neal
I love race car drivers, I love gymnastics, I love UFC, I love police officers, I love firefighters. I just try to give them the same enjoyment they give me. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm not going to try to go out there and outdo him. I don't have to try to outdo him, I'm Shaq. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think Bush came back because Colin Powell was there. Hey, I'm the brigadier general, baby. -- Shaquille O'neal
Their unselfishness, the way they play and their poise factor. When you never panic, that's a great sign. -- Shaquille O'neal
Win or lose, I am programmed to do more. That's because I am the other son of Jorel - Superman. -- Shaquille O'neal
My motto is very simple. Win a Ring for the King. -- Shaquille O'neal
Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. you are what you repeatedly do -- Shaquille O'neal
I wouldn't. I would just go home. I'd fake an injury or something. -- Shaquille O'neal
Since I suffered the injury on company time, why shouldn't I also be able to get surgery and do recovery on company time? -- Shaquille O'neal
It's over now. He said what he had to say, I said what I had to say. Don't play with me. Seriously, don't play with me. -- Shaquille O'neal
There is nothing for me to be sour about. What you got to understand is that I'm a military man. We usually do my shift for four or five years and then you got to move on. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't know their names. Their names have been erased from my memory banks. If I tried to bring 'em back, I'd get shocked. -- Shaquille O'neal
I have never been a shooter. -- Shaquille O'neal
They asked me when I was out there, 'Why do you want to be traded?' I said me staying here is like divorcing my wife and marrying someone who looks like me. That's backwards, man. -- Shaquille O'neal
Stay out of the gentlemen's clubs. Get a lot of rest. Just have fun and relax and stay focused. -- Shaquille O'neal
I look forward to making Miami a media mecca. -- Shaquille O'neal
Tell them it was a foul. -- Shaquille O'neal
Donald Trump is a great friend, and he has four or five Picassos on his plane. And that's where I would look at them. -- Shaquille O'neal
I said it jokingly, so this guy was just trying to stir something up that's not there. He's just somebody who doesn't have a sense of humor, like I do. -- Shaquille O'neal
In junior high in Germany I fought kids all the time. I had such a bad temper, I almost got thrown out of school. A few lickings from my dad got me out of that scene. He wore me out with a paddle. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't have to shoot from more than two feet. I'm top 50. I've got 23,000 from where I shoot. -- Shaquille O'neal
That's sort of a trick question, and I don't have a trick answer. Next question, please. -- Shaquille O'neal
I came here with the perfect chemist's perception. The formula they had was perfect and any added ingredient could make it go bad or worse. -- Shaquille O'neal
Remember this-I'm going to bring a championship to Miami. I promise. -- Shaquille O'neal
The Miami Heat has the best fans. -- Shaquille O'neal
For once in my career, I won't have to hold anybody's hand and they won't have to hold mine. I'm surrounded by veterans. We had a great battle last Thursday at HealthPoint. It was something I never had before - three, four, really great players all in one pickup game. -- Shaquille O'neal
No matter where they put people, no matter how they try to promote people, there aren't too many people in the game today that are on my level on and off the court. -- Shaquille O'neal
They won't talk to you because I'm undercover. -- Shaquille O'neal
Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. -- Shaquille O'neal
You know, I'm very photogenic. -- Shaquille O'neal
Talk to the guys that ain't doing nothing, don't talk to me. I just want eight guys out there with me who want to play. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm getting older. I'm getting sexier. I'm getting meaner. I can still do what I do. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't know anything about cars. I can promise you that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think it was 89.2% cheers and 11.8% boos, but I'm used to that. -- Shaquille O'neal
We're just going to come out and play. We know that we're supposed to win all the games, but if we don't, we just have to take the next game and focus on what we did wrong in the game before and just try to do better at the next game. -- Shaquille O'neal
When I retire, I'm going after his job. If I don't make sheriff, I'm going after his job. He's not that good. You can quote me on that. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't listen to people who can't do stuff that I do. -- Shaquille O'neal
Nietzsche was so intelligent and advanced. And that's how I am. I'm the black, basketball-playing Nietzsche. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't have to make a point. I'm George Bush. I'm the president. I built that arena, so I don't have to make a point. -- Shaquille O'neal
I am Superman. And the only thing that can kill Superman is Kryptonite. And Kryptonite doesn't exist. -- Shaquille O'neal
I put a lot into it, and when I am done playing, I plan on going undercover and then being the sheriff or chief of police somewhere, either Miami or Orlando, I don't know yet. -- Shaquille O'neal
A lot of times when I buy a lot of toys, I get a little jealous and keep one or two for myself. So I've got a couple of drones. I've got a couple of remote-control cars. I like to have fun -- Shaquille O'neal
You're messing up my highlights. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm still the Dun Dada of all big men. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's pretty much the same; it's just that Phil was very weird with his system. This is more of the traditional system. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm sort of like a specialist. I go in, do what I do and every four years, they get tired of me and I have to relocate myself. -- Shaquille O'neal
Why aren't the Nets playing in Newark? -- Shaquille O'neal
He could be dominant - if he played in the WNBA. -- Shaquille O'neal
We're going to do it again next year. We'll see you again next year. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, I said it. We will do it again next year. -- Shaquille O'neal
If you've got a Corvette that runs into a brick wall, you know what's going to happen. He's a Corvette. I'm a brick wall. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't send messages, I'm not a fax machine -- Shaquille O'neal
Our offense is like the pythagorean theorem: There is no answer! -- Shaquille O'neal
Get away from my house. What do you want? -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm known as The Big Baryshnikov. -- Shaquille O'neal
In the seven or eight years we were together, we were never together. -- Shaquille O'neal
I have orders not to come back until I'm a thousand percent. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'll hit them when it matters. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't take anything personal. I just have a certain file in my head, so Earthlings must be careful with what they say. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm the master marketer. -- Shaquille O'neal
The only person who can really motivate you is you. -- Shaquille O'neal
I can't remember the names of all the clubs we went to. -- Shaquille O'neal
I respect the older guys. -- Shaquille O'neal
Dampier is soft. Quote it, underline it, tape it and send it to him. -- Shaquille O'neal
If he were on fire, he couldn't act as if he were burning. He can't out-act me on the big screen. -- Shaquille O'neal
Shaquille O'Neal has always been one to speak the truth. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've been an athlete that's sort of in advance; always thinking. After basketball I'd love to have my own radio show, my own TV show. -- Shaquille O'neal
My secret? See it, and stay focused on it. -- Shaquille O'neal
He's a jokester, and that's funny, very funny. Ha-ha. Very funny. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm going to be looking to get out like Randy Moss and Terrell Owens. -- Shaquille O'neal
That has nothing to do with basketball. That's just because I'm sexy. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm done with the nicknames. Actually, when I obtain my doctorate, I will not allow people to call me Shaq anymore, either. -- Shaquille O'neal
Art is a process of delivering or arranging elements that appeal to the emotions of a person looking at it. It's what you feel. -- Shaquille O'neal
If I were a painter, you'd be calling me Shaqcasso. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've been the type of person [and] the type of athlete, I don't like to be given anything. I like to earn. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm the last in the line of Russells and Chamberlains. -- Shaquille O'neal
I average 25 with three guys on me and they are just looking at stats I guess. -- Shaquille O'neal
Look up the word role in the dictionary and you'll see it means playing a part. That's why I call myself a real model. -- Shaquille O'neal
I know how to turn the bad into good always. -- Shaquille O'neal
I would like to be referred to as 'The Big Aristotle'. -- Shaquille O'neal
This is the team that when you look at it, you say, 'This is our time. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think he got an incidental elbow in the face, messed up his pretty red lips a little bit. But other than that he'll be fine. -- Shaquille O'neal
It's my job to make him look good. He's a very good looking man, so it's my job to keep him looking good. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm a mama's boy above all. -- Shaquille O'neal
If you go 72-11 and don't win (the championship), it doesn't mean anything. Actually it does. It means you've cheated and played an extra regular-season game. -- Shaquille O'neal
Being the best right now doesn't do anything for my feathers. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm playing like Eric Dampier. -- Shaquille O'neal
Somebody out there was trying to use my language and trying to speak for me. Rather than have that happen, I thought I'd do it myself. It's a fun thing. It's a way for fans to connect. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm pretty much able to play any style. I'm not here to demand 40 or 50 shots. But I would like 30. -- Shaquille O'neal
My personal opinion is, how, if you never hung out with somebody, do you know them so well? I never hung out with that dude because the dude is a weirdo. -- Shaquille O'neal
When I'm done playing basketball, I want do something bigger. I'm working on my doctorate right now at Barry University in Florida. -- Shaquille O'neal
I just want to keep people entertained. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm short and to the point. -- Shaquille O'neal
Kobe always tried to be a hero. But you know, as the saying goes, a hero ain't nothing but a sandwich. -- Shaquille O'neal
Well, Doctor, I don't have the diagnosis on that. I'll be sure to do a physical checkup and get back to you. -- Shaquille O'neal
I want to be strong, dominant. Like Wilt Chamberlain. -- Shaquille O'neal
Why did it happen? The big dog got fed. And when the big dog was fed, the little dog even got some meat in there, too. Big dog owns the domain, but the little dog can go wherever he wants. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm the NBA's best NFL player, and I've always been the sexiest 7-footer in the NBA - for 12 years running. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've read that same formula, but as an athlete I'm classified as phenomenal. You could look it up. -- Shaquille O'neal
Me and Penny are going to be the Kareem and Magic of the '90s. -- Shaquille O'neal
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You all should be spanked for this. -- Shaquille O'neal
I ... am ... the son of Jor-El! -- Shaquille O'neal
Me shooting 40% at the foul line is just God's way to say nobody's perfect. -- Shaquille O'neal
If they want to play football, we can play football. -- Shaquille O'neal
I think it's a great city. I think it's a fabulous city. But in my young juvenile days, I was an idiot, and I bought 30 cars. And I need to drive those cars, and New York isn't really the place you can do that. -- Shaquille O'neal
We know what we have to do. I know I have to get up in the morning, put my underwear on first and then put my pants on first. I don't need people to tell me that. -- Shaquille O'neal
Generals don't panic; then the troops never panic. -- Shaquille O'neal
Jealous punks can't stop my dunks. -- Shaquille O'neal
When you're in championships, it's never about what you do. It's always about what other people do. -- Shaquille O'neal
My first movie. I think I won an Oscar for this. -- Shaquille O'neal
I've met a lot of artists who wanted to paint me. LeRoy Neiman was one. He did it from a photograph. He made 20,000 copies, and we sold them all. -- Shaquille O'neal
I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok. -- Shaquille O'neal
On paper, I think this is the best team I've been on. -- Shaquille O'neal
I was fortunate enough to see and handle and take in everything I could while I was playing. -- Shaquille O'neal
Write this: Since my boy is the coach, I'm going to try out for the Dolphins next year. Tight end. -- Shaquille O'neal
Well, I don't remember all the names of all the clubs we went to -- Shaquille O'neal
Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. -- Shaquille O'neal
I don't get nervous in any situation. There's no such thing as nerves when you're playing games. -- Shaquille O'neal
There will be a report coming out, and my name will be on it. -- Shaquille O'neal
I end<>ong>oong>rse <>ong>oong>nly pr<>ong>oong>ducts I actually use. Like Wheaties keeps <>ong>oong>ffering me m<>ong>oong>ney, but I d<>ong>oong>n't eat Wheaties, s<>ong>oong> I can't d<>ong>oong> it. N<>ong>oong>w, if Rice Krispies <>ong>oong>r Fr<>ong>oong>sted Flakes <>ong>oong>ffered me a deal, I'd take it right away. Apple Jacks, I'd be <>ong>oong>n the b<>ong>oong>x in a heartbeat. Apple Shaqs. Yeah. -- Shaquille O'neal
My j<>ong>oong>b has always been t<>ong>oong> entertain pe<>ong>oong>ple. I want pe<>ong>oong>ple t<>ong>oong> laugh. -- Shaquille O'neal
When I c<>ong>oong>ncentrate and f<>ong>oong>cus, they always g<>ong>oong> in, s<>ong>oong> I'm g<>ong>oong>nna c<>ong>oong>ntinue t<>ong>oong> d<>ong>oong> that, and they will g<>ong>oong> in. -- Shaquille O'neal
If I d<>ong>oong>n't get five [titles], I w<>ong>oong>n't be happy with myself as a basketball player. I d<>ong>oong>n't kn<>ong>oong>w h<>ong>oong>w y<>ong>oong>u guys will feel ab<>ong>oong>ut me. -- Shaquille O'neal