Discover the most popular and inspiring quotes and sayings on the topic of Santa. Share them with your friends on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blogs, and let the world be inspired by their powerful messages. Here are the Top 100 Santa Quotes And Sayings by 87 Authors including Kathryn Perez,Thomm Quackenbush,David Sedaris,Charles Dickens,David Levithan for you to enjoy and share.
Holy Santa Claus shit, Nic!
I used to figure that Santa was the zombie. Not like modern zombies, more like the voodoo ones. The elves resurrect this long dead saint to do their festive bidding every year because they were magically restricted to the North Pole. It's entirely possibly my mom let me watch too many horror movies.
We were standing near the Lollipop Forest when we realized that Santa is an anagram of Satan ... Overhearing the customers we would substitute the Satan for the world Santa.
come in! and know me better, man! I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me! You have never seen the like of me before!
Why doesn't Santa just park the god-damn sleigh in the driveway like a normal guest? (Your Temporary Santa)
Santa Claus is a lie but if you think that's bad, check out what 'fuck' really means.
The problem is not that Santa stops existing but that we do. The children we are no longer exist, a fact we do not help through immersing ourselves in the repeating cycle of wake, work, dinner, internet, sleep.
I keep 3 hos but don't call me Santa And I'm and I'm flyer than reindeers in winter
Let's face it: most of our children believe that God is happy if they're "good for goodness' sake." We've transformed the holy, terrifying, magnificent, and loving God of the Bible into Santa and his elves.
Maybe we should spend less time teaching kids to believe in Santa and more time teaching them to believe in themselves.
Most of the holiday movies I enjoy, like 'It's a Wonderful Life,' don't really involve Santa.
The real Santa Claus is at the mall.
God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.
The door opens with a rusted jingle, and an animatronic Santa insults my moral virtue three times. Ho, ho, ho.
What is red, white and black all over and says "Ho! Ho!"? Santa Claus after he has came down the chimney.
The dude in red's back at the pole,
Up North where everything is cold.
But if he were right here tonight,
He'd say 'Merry Christmas! And to all, a good night!'
The whole concept of some stranger making his way down our chimney - not that we had one - suggested burglary more readily than generosity. Any Santa who tried it would have gotten a bullet in his holly, jolly keister.
This Christmas, every Christmas, Santa Claus is everywhere and Jesus is nowhere to be found.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist.
Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus!
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
For the most part, people use God as Santa Claus.
Of course, my Christmas is (so much more) gorgeous and romantic (than Germany's)!! And unlike the rest of the world, we leave wine behind for Santa Claus!"
"So Santa-san is delivering gifts to children while driving under the influence ... ?
You're upsetting the black Santas.
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
I'm the only one who still believes in Santa Claus!
This is, first and last, the real value of Christmas; in so far as the mythology remains at all it is a kind of happy mythology. Personally, of course, I believe in Santa Claus; but it is the season of forgiveness, and I will forgive others for not doing so.
Having in our childhood felt primal awe for the spectacle of the holiday, we are told to age into feeling sullen and resentful. You are supposed to proclaim Santa dead like preadolescent Nietzsches and decry the whole month as an orgy of crass commercialism.
It's a foolish girl who waits for Santa.
It's easy to look like Santa Claus when you don't have to buy the groceries.
Of course there is a Santa Claus. It's just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That's why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are.
It was almost Christmas, and a Santa Claus in a vacant lot was offering to appear in pictures for five dollars. The trim on his suit was mangy, as if it had been dug out of a dumpster, yet young mothers queued ten deep on the sidewalk, holding the hands of kids waiting to get in.
Santa Claus and all his little presents tend to get in the way of God's message."
"As can religion," Santa replied.
He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.
It was a beautiful, clear Southern California kind of Christmas Eve, the kind where Santa shows up in khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt and shades, flashing a peace sign with one hand and sipping a Corona with the other.
In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?
Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt.
Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?!
Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to.
I never saw a department store Santa as a kid. My mother was afraid to take me.
Well if it's Santa on an early shift, I hope he's brought plenty of coal.
Look, at some point, people have to tell their kids that Santa Claus isn't real. I hate to be the guy to do it, but it's just not real.
Santa is a much bigger and more powerful faery than Toot, and I don't know his true name anyway. You'd never see me trying to nab Saint Nick in a magic circle even if I did. I don't think anyone has stones that big.
We may deny the truth of our childhoods while we are living them, but we one day realize the truth of our parents as readily as we do that of Santa. Neither are as perfect as our memories would have them ...
Q: Which one of Santa's reindeer is the cleanest? A: Comet!
The magic of Christmas is not in the presents, but in His presence.
No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace, is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas.
Christmas is not only where you find it; it's what you make of it.
Do some good to the ghetto, Mr. Kris Kringle.
Come and stay awhile, kick it with God's Angels.
Take and acknowledge my wisdom and understand
That Santa Claus is a black man.
Santa cAme early this year! good things come to those who wait! #rebelheart
This Santa's beard was real, and so was his hair. He wasn't fucking around.
You have got to be kidding. Where'd they find it?"
"I like to think it was Santa finally coming through on years of passionate but ignored childhood letters.
Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority.
Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th.
Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus.
To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Christmas is best pondered, not with logic, but with imagination.
I believed in Santa Claus until I was 12!
I seriously doubt that the Santa police do an underwear check.
To the top of the tower, to the top of the wall! Now fart away, fart away, fart away all!" Santa cried, and then the reindeer took off running over the lawn. Suddenly, they all let out a giant reindeer fart, and Santa's sleigh flew up into the air!
I wish we could get a real tree," Bug says. "Then at least we'd have one real tradition, since that whole Santa thing's a bust. I mean, if parents are gonna make up a cool story, at least do it realistically. Like, have the guy use FedEx or something-no way reindeer can fly with all that weight.
After you stop believing in santa claus, the whole world just goes downhill
Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.
All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes.
Without missing a beat he said, "This year, Santa, I'd like a pony and an Easy-Bake Oven."
Raja grunted and pushed him off to the side. "You'll be getting coal in a place where it hurts if you ever attempt to sit in my lap again.
An elfin wish have I but one.
I wish it once and then 'tis done.
There's magic in this gift say I,
Whoever pulls this sleigh will fly.
In your hurry to keep Christmas, you have forgotten Christmas. The truest gift of Christmas is the gift of self.
Who is not a love seeker when December comes? Even children pray to Santa Claus.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.
Santa Claus ran his finger across the rough parchment, lightly tracing the inscription below. "Charity unto others brings its own reward," he whispered.
During this Christmas season, when the world seems to be in turmoil, wars are breaking out in different places, crime is rampant, and many things are happening that are great sins in the sight of God. But in that crib is the person who grew up to save us. And He did.
If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves.
If we are to have the very best Christmas ever, we must listen for the sound of sandaled feet. We must reach out for the Carpenter's hand. With every step we take in his footsteps, we abandon a doubt and gain a truth.
Mum looks like someone has told her that Santa will be shortly arriving with that guy from Pride and Prejudice in tow.
Christmas is a matter close to the heart.
Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.
The fact is that Santa and Satan are alter egos, brothers; they have the same origin.
Christmas it too large to be tucked away in the toe of a child's stocking.
Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
It was the night before Christmas.
Whoever makes great presents, expects great presents in return.
Grown ups don't believe in Santa Claus. They vote.
Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.
He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.
If Madison had a gun, she'd shoot out the sound system pumping "Jingle Bells" through her office speakers. Instead, she bit off Rudolph's chocolate head and pointed a finger at the brightly colored, foil-wrapped Santa on her desk. "You're next, big guy.
I am the ghost of Christmas futures, George!
When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.
When I was 21 years old, I had a job playing Santa Claus in a shopping centre in Sacramento. I was rail thin, so it's not like I was a traditional Santa Claus even then. I had a square stomach; that was the shape of the sofa cushion that I had stuffed into my pants.
Unto us Saviour is born at Christmas.
The love and light of the World.
When I was a kid, I believed in Santa Claus. But it was very tough because in the Dominican ... there are not a lot of rich people there.
The three phases of Santa belief:
(1) Santa is real.
(2) Santa isn't real.
(3) Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
You better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.
A merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!" cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of Scrooge's nephew, who came upon him so quickly that this was the first intimation he had of his approach. "Bah!" said Scrooge, "Humbug!
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
Merry Christmas!' someone shouted.
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
'C-cookies for ever'body!' Sammy hollered. And looking both ways, they all fled across to the light, and the warmth, and the books, and the mystery.
Some stupid fairy tale charecter. Like a cheap plastic toy you'd get get by sending in the top of a lucky charms box plus $3.99 shipping and handling.
Even in a man without character, there's still a spark of Christmas.
You know what? From now on, I think I'm going to call you Mister Christmas.
We need a Savior. Christmas is an indictment before it becomes a delight.